NO ESCAPE

 

Joseph Shields

 

 

I couldn't figure out what was wrong

the pain shook me as I laid doubled over

on the white sand of Mammee Beach

 

I rushed to the water, hoping the warm Caribbean Sea

might give me relief of some sort and immediately

I became a hotbed of underwater volcanic activity

 

After slipping my shorts down to my knees

the first of three eight inch turds popped out

of my ass and floated to the water's surface

 

A family of vacationers were swimming to my left

lovebirds were making out to my right

I was sandwiched while twenty-four inches of excrement

danced on the water around my shoulders

 

The groups around me seemed to be closing in

I panicked and grabbed two of the rich brown turds

smooshed them up into balls with my hands

and dove to the sea's sandy bottom in an attempt to bury my waste

 

It was no use, the pieces always came back up

I swam as far and as fast as I could but the remaining big chunk

and the countless number of tiny chunks followed me

 

For Christ's sake

in the second largest body of water on Earth

I could not escape the terror of the soft aromatic brown balls

I ran from the water and got the hell off the beach

 

That was five years ago and now I live thousands of miles

away from that island

but the shit still seems to follow me