Grappling

 

Susanne Bowers

 

 

Now I must split this small blue pill into

eighths, no more, no less, in order for it

to hit my neurotransmitters just right for

the perfect amount of seratonin, not too

much or I turn into a shrew and scream at

all my friends, not too little or I stay

crazy, so it is with great care that I hold

it under the light with a magnifying glass

and poke at it with the fingernail scissors,

watch it crumble, try to gather the blue

bits together and put them on my tongue,

hoping they equal one eighth, so I'm aiming

for about six milligrams, I know, because

I did it on my calculator, and I think I've

got it, but I don't know whether I swallowed

it or it stayed between my teeth and didn't

make it to my brain, so best thing is not to

brush my teeth, and maybe I won't lose the

one bit that just might help, and by now I'm

not sure that I got any of the fucker into

my system at all, but on the other hand I

might have taken the half pill by mistake,

and I won't know that until morning.....at

which point I won't remember taking anything

as it causes memory loss and confusion.