5/3/99 - 5/9/99

if this is such a sin as
to be repeated through the ages,
Let it taste of honey, and
ring as true as steel.

Maybe it's in the weight of an
ancient, yet newly-discovered postcard.
All those things we once said.

It's really hard to be speechless
over the phone.
But I manage because you love
me like you do.

I think i once wrote a poem about flight
That's really all there is.
I think i once wrote a poem about flight.

Reach for the fruit that is not there,
a command,
the higher ground,
an exercise in efficiency.

es importante ser real, no?
Cuando el cielo es tan cerca, cuando
dios es tan lejos, que no puedo
mirar sus ojos.

all the pictures on my walls,
worse than even this trite
passage

5/10/99 - 5/16/99

Default Chronicle: Part 1
this i have conceded to cliche:
love is not hard or easy, it hurts,
and flies. Whether it is worth it
let us search for together.

Default Chronicle: Part 2
A foreign spice rests
Just beyond recognition
already berating me for the lost count of syllables.

Default Chronicle: Part 3
Nothing's
worse,
than an uninspired line.

If ever, in essence in need, he
said, call to me, for
I am the way, the truth and the light

Sorrows gathered close,
for security,
reside against/near the heart.

What i wouldn't give for a little
peace of mind, i see
something in the shadows of
what was.

It goes like this,
one line at a time,
Something we never speak of.

5/17/99 - 5/23/99

Sometimes, a
small part of me
wants to fix all the small holes in my clothing

Oh i see stars,
this latest attempt at grandeur,
so obvious in the eyes of a child.

Even when it's dark out
i can still see
nothing beyond that

This is the song i write,
between channels on the TV.

In more ways than one,
i wall over my face
dance in lies,
stare at webs

So close to tomorrow, that
last bit of distance a
reoccurring theme I would give anything
to write, "i am"

Warm fire to leave us safe
in arms that lack fire
nothing is sacred, but some
things we hold dear anyway

5/24/99 - 5/30/99

We needed paper to write the poem
and poem to hold the paper down
We needed inspiration to make us,
And the create we would call on else

I talk poetry to the moon and my friends
regardless of whether they give a fuck,
i seek solstice in the words

i see eyes in fear, distrust
in the making, some thing
dark brown and broken

It's as still as
honey
as sweet as
time

Mark this through:
with one or one thousand words:

Scratch the bargain -
i disagree, run away
do anything -
just leave!

A still being here, yes
but oft that road, gone and yet
by default here, wondering -
just some 'ifs'.

5/31/99
When it comes right down to it,
She tries to make me fill the
silences between our words

6/1/99
The day of the realization, not
the final clue, but an
idea, and the day of all
the false starts - so long ago

6/3/99
Missed lesson.
Made up too late.

Hey bungalow bill,
what did you kill
with pride?

6/4/99
Love is not dead,
not wounded, if i lost something today,
i gained else a hundred-fold

6/5/99
Confusion where i should see,
not see, ah hell.
this is all there is? it seems...
delicate.

6/6/99
age-filled stone, water
moving on, something
loosens in time.

6/7/99
Drawing blood in fun,
in sport,
in something entirely
else

6/9/99
slowly, slowly, one at a
time.

Shaking off the water of
one last ice storm
into the new

6/10/99
None of my actions seem right,
only some of them not wrong,
words and gestures grabbing for the heart

6/11/99
I see no amorous angels,
no redemption in love. lust.
something i say to ease what
i can't tell is going on.

6/12/99
Carnivorous angels, relatives,
travelers in disguise nothing
less than miraculous

6/13/99
Infidelities of centuries past
haunt people i know and treasure if
this is their hell, what
shall mine be like?

6/14/99
movement in tides of fire,
leaping waves. when it is not,
all one and the same.

6/15/99
once i said where it would continue,
it did, once i said it would end,
intentions spilled over the wire.
left behind, ready again.

6/16/99
i say something has changed --
you, of course, deny it, saying
even as my logic dictates
that emotion rules all

6/17/99
no -- the spiral binding is more like
a thought
caught half-way
through

6/18/99
these are nothing
small thoughts
that will be gone
by morning.

6/19/99
derision by simplest avenger:
emotions,
reality is seldom in the picture

6/20/99
dates become marketable in
moments,
seconds,
flashes of decision.

6/21/99
German words for universal anger,
love is fiction,
only the comradery is real.

6/22/99
delusion.
confusion.
deluge.

6/23/99
my ties to family, my
bloodkin, how do i answer
questions posed by them?

6/24/99
someone died last night.
This proves to me just how
far away to me
death truly is.

6/25/99
jun 25, some date.
already old. more moon
appreciation than i've seen in
years

6/26/99
Opposite, in spite of deregulation.
haiku in place of secrecy,
creation instead of coldness

6/27/99
once more i've only managed
to master the art of
unshed tears.

6/28/99
i hear my name called
inside my head
so clearly
i wait for a second to see if it was real.

6/29/99
so i find, sometimes
that rough-strewn pebble,
can cut as sharp as glass

7/1/99
if there is such a date:
i'm sorry i haven't written
my god, so many excuses,
none are anything next to love

7/2/99
You there, you
stand accused of heinous crimes,
Will you deny them,
or will you fold your cards?

7/3/99
What's a lie, when you know it?
What's a rhyme when you show it?
How can you ever outgrow it?
never call me a poet.

7/4/99
bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit
bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit
--'scuse me, but
bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit

7/6/99
This time for everything we forgot,
I say no to money - can't put
on no show -
This time for everything we forgot

7/7/99
Home. nothing like it,
mildly broken,
nothing irreplaceable gone.

7/8/99
I owe you nothing. I have
no con-trol. reaching for everything,
'course... not yet.

7/10/99
someone asked twice,
cat for company.
No, this depression still lingers.

2 made 1 make 2 make 1
made mundane make super-
sonic.
i hate bitterness. the very end.

7/11/99
once again, this
makes it only for show.
Dime-bag poetry

7/12/99
I refuse to owe poems to anyone,
I will not let guilt play a part in this,
Yet i'll accept anyone's compliments,
any day of the week.

7/13/99
So, on the 13th of every month,
i will arise and go now,
back and forth still,
river of bitterness. hmph.

7/14/99
Sometimes laughter is bad. i
have yet, however,
to hold this opinion

7/15/99
annotating what doesn't exist yet
is an endeavor for
fools in the making,
i feel like i've said this 1 million times three.

7/17/99
Much has happened, but i don't write for days,
a little scared i guess,
too many lines stirring in my head
no plausible endings in sight.

7/19/99
So i say, one more time.
and what's left to say?

7/20/99
oh yes, from so many angles,
i know that face.

7/21/99
So gardens for the return,
protection for the journey,
nothing but waystations,
living on bread.

7/22/99
i come close,
come again,
rise forward,
leap somewhat higher

7/23/99
I scream until one of us
closes the door.
i ask for that hurt

7/24/99
current events push me back
to a time when the world
was a longer place.