We got everyone! Woohoo! Our company includes Tim (Anpago Yost), Chris (Tonk Sangaree), Chuck (Morgan Sangaree), Mike (Grod Sangaree), Bruce (Longfellow Yost) and Paul.
The characters are staying in the quaint little town of Crobin's Crossroads, a fine place to spend all manner of money at Crobin's 24-Hour Trading Post. Things start off when Grod Sangaree catches a halfling thief picking his pocket in the inn. He grabs the guy and gives him a vigorous shake (knowing that the Israeli Supreme Court has declared vigorous shaking to be an acceptable interrogation technique). Several daggers, crossbow bolts, and small gems fall from the fellow's jerkin. The halfling starts to sob uncontrollably. Grod accuses him of stealing everything he is carrying. The halfling explains that the stuff is his, and that he bought it with money. Real cash money, the kind that city swells carry around in their fat purses. Grod rolls his eyes and casts about for a guard. Seeing none, he drags the fellow over to Twonder Badgin, owner of the Dancing Badger inn.
Twonder is none to happy to accept the little fellow, and suggests that Grod could take him to the Constable's office. The halfling pleads, "Oh please! Please! Don't take me to the Constable's! Please don't throw me in that briar patch!" Grod gets tired of the fellow's protestations and just tosses him out into the courtyard.
Grod heads up to the characters' suite to retire. He enters the room just in time to see the halfling come in through the window. The rest of the characters are still all sitting downstairs in the common room. Anpago Yost is trying to talk sense into Longfellow Yost, who keeps on explaining that nowadays he's "All about Nature", and that this is why he doesn't need to bathe or retire. Grod drags the halfling down to show off to the others and explain the situation.
The characters manage to learn that the halfling's name is Kiro. He protests, "There are bounty hunters after me! I need protection! It's all been a misunderstanding - they think I have this gem." "Do you?" "No! Of course not! I sold it!" Longfellow sits back and comments, "I see. And how did you get the gem?" Kiro rather lamely offers, "It was meant to be a sort of prank, but things got out of hand and then they sent these bounty hunters."
The characters notice that Kiro is wearing a nice cloak and masterwork leather armor. Kiro exclaims that his cloak is magical, and he's be willing to give it to the characters for their help. "It'll resize to fit you!" Longfellow drawls out, "It's maaagic... It'll resize to fit me... Yeah, right..."
Kiro winces under the characters withering barrage of sarcasm, but is not dissuaded. He explains that he took the gem from Lord Dostavar and then sold it to a wizard who went off to explore some old ruins. Lord Dostavar is Patriarch of a powerful family in the city of Highthrone. And Kiro admits that he misspoke, he wouldn't precisely say that he "stole" the gem. Rather, it came into his possession more or less by accident. Tonk Sangaree is unconvinced, "So this pretty rock the size of a baseball just fell off the back of a truck and into your lap?" Kiro's explanations get rather less plausible for a while. Then Anpago knocks him out with Sleep.
The characters discuss their options. Even though the notion of cutting Kiro's throat and selling him off as sausage meat is attractive, they decide that it would be both more moral to go find the wizard and persuade him to give the gem back, or possibly to sell the gem back, and then to give it to Lord Dostavar, who sounds like an important guy to be friendly with even if he is a bit insane.
By morning, both Anpago Yost and Morgan Sangaree are showing symptoms of the forbidding diseases they picked up in the D'Tarascon family cemetery. Anpago loses 2 points each of STR and CON and feels miserable. He is fevered thanks to a rat bite. Morgan loses 5 points of STR. His skin is red and bloated. He was infected by the Zombie Lord. The characters discover that they have a problem: they only bought a single Remove Disease scroll from Crobin, thinking that only one character had disease problems.
The characters get Morgan out of the inn as quietly as possible and go searching for a priest. They head for the temple, reasoning that if the priest isn't in the bar then he might be sleeping behind the altar.
On the way a gnome with a walking stick greets them, "Good day!" The characters think nothing of this. Gnomes with walking sticks greet them all the time. There's nothing suspicious about gnomes or their walking sticks.
A young man stands outside the temple, preaching. He explains that he is not a priest, but is a paladin. Tonk asks if he can lay his hands upon Morgan and cure his disease. The young fellow quite earnestly admits that he does not have this power. Likewise, he also doubts that anybody in the temple has the necessary power. He suggests that the characters should take their diseased comrade to Port Delour, where they should be able to find a cleric able to cast the proper spells. The characters agree and head off to find a map showing the way to Port Delour.
The characters return to their room at the Dancing Badger to collect their goods. They find the bounty hunters waiting for them. There are three of them, and all of them wear dark cloaks. The first is a dark-haired human woman. The second is a muscular half-orc. The third is a human man. The woman takes the lead and demands, "Give us the halfling and we'll be on our way."
Tonk suggests that if the bounty hunters are willing to sit down and answer some questions, things could be very simple. Morgan lurches forwards and asks, "What's so important about this... blaaagh!... gem." Tonk yells over his shoulder, "Barkeep! Some water for my vomiting friend!" Grod wonders, "Is that something you learned at Bard School? Vomit on command?"
The woman bounty hunter explains that she and her companions are professionals. They are looking for an item. If they can't find it, they will bring back the halfling's head in its place. The bounty hunters take a pretty hard line on the matter. Then Anpago insults the woman and casts Sleep on the bounty hunters. He is upset to notice that none of them are affected. In fact, the only way he is able to tell that they even noticed the spell at all is the fact that the half-orc obviously wants to kill him. The other two bounty hunters obviously decide to let the matter slide and continue listening to Tonk.
Tonk wants to know, "Do you have to kill the halfling? He seems like a pretty wretched guy." The woman tells him, "Our reward is greater if we get the gem, but we don't want to go looking for the gem if we don't have to." The characters finally manage to work out a deal with the bounty hunters. They agree to wait in Crobin's Crossroads with the halfling Kiro as a hostage. The characters will go and look for the gem Kiro stole. When they bring it back to the bounty hunters, Kiro gets his freedom and the characters get some credit with Lord Dostavar for helping in its return. The bounty hunters give the characters two weeks, plus a day to finish shopping in Crobin's Crossroads.
Tonk suggests that everyone should celebrate the deal, proclaiming, "Let's drink on it!" Grod mourns, "They won't have anything strong enough…" Longfellow hands him a bottle and says, "Here, have some turpentine! It's pretty strong." Morgan pushes his own mug in Grod's direction and moans out, "Here, have the rest of mine. I don't want it." Grod pushes Morgan's mug back, pointing out, "But yours has been watered down by vomit!"
The characters strip off all of Kiro's stuff and hand him over to the bounty hunters. Grod takes Kiro's cloak, which resizes automatically to fit him. He notices that it also takes on the patterns of the things around him.
On the way out of town, the characters encounter the local priest of Kord. He is something of a fitness nut, and is particularly enthusiastic about running laps around the edges of the town. Unfortunately, he can't cast Remove Disease. He does recommend Brother Kanda, who runs the gymnasium in Port Delour.
Morgan and Grod head for Port Delour. Everyone else waits in town and waits for the Remove Disease scroll to arrive. Tonk learns everything he can about the Eastern ("Haunted") Woods, Crazy Tomas and his friend Saravar Cheslik. And the wolf that Tomas raised from a pup, and which is now as high at the withers as a pony with glandular problems.
Nobody local knows much about the woods. They think that things live out there. Things that are worse than wolves. Things that sometimes steal livestock. Things that look like wolves but walk like men. They also don't know much about the ruins the wizard went to, beyond the fact that they're located out in the forests. Tonk deduces that the ruins were once a castle belonging to some noble (possibly even a Baron-Knight-Paladin, at least according to Stooping-Frog Lumpkin, a local cretin) when they were last occupied. That would have been some centuries ago.
The two of them turn onto the Port Delour road, riding in Grod's cart. They find that frequent stops are necessary to allow Morgan to indulge in refreshing spasms of rapid-fire dry heaves. A few minutes after one of these sessions, the two of them come upon a figure sitting on the side of the road, drinking from a bottle. He has horns and goat legs and a set of pan-pipes on the rock next to him. Morgan tries weakly strumming something to counter the potential effects of goat-boy's music. His hope is to keep Grod the half-orc from heading off and sleeping with the satyr. In spite of his weakened condition, he plays beautifully. The satyr sets down his bottle of wine and says, "Baaaaa!" (Tonk gets 20 experience points) "Well played! Come share my wine with me! I would challenge you to a contest of instruments, but I think I've already lost!" The characters drink with the satyr for a while then go on their way.
Morgan and Grod make it to Port Delour and find someone to cure Morgan's horrible disease. Or curse. Whichever. The sale of Kiro's masterwork crossbow covers the cost. By the next day they are on their way back and Morgan is already starting to regain his lost attribute points.
Longfellow, Tonk and Anpago head off to the Eastern Forest in search of the druid Tomas Silverleaf. Longfellow is quite eager to become a druid, and he hopes that Silverleaf will agree to teach him.
The characters have barely entered the forest when two people step out of the underbrush. They are well armed and armored, and accompanied by a huge wolf. One of them is wearing studded leather and two blades; he has a black and red striped snake across his shoulders. Anpago exclaims, "Fuck! Circus people!"
Longfellow deduces that he is looking at Tomas Silverleaf and his companion, the ranger Saravar Cheslik. He bows and introduces himself, "I am Longfellow Yost, and I wish to become your student." Silverleaf is dubious. He looks over Tonk and Anpago and asks, "And these two are?" Longfellow explains, "They are my friends and kinsmen, Tonk and Anpago." Silverleaf thinks for a moment then says, "Okay, you can be my student. But the initiation is difficult and not everyone survives."
Tomas promises the others that he will be back in town in four days to describe the success or failure of Longfellow's initiation. Tonk expects to hear four days' worth of stories of a naked Longfellow screaming through the woods covered with tree sap.
Tomas Silverleaf feeds Longfellow some hallucinogenic mushrooms for a few days. Longfellow finds the experience... mind-expanding. He communes with nature and learns about the circle of life from Silverleaf. He talks to the gods and the spirits. And then comes the final test. Silverleaf hands him two berries, apparently identical, and tells him that he must eat one. If he chooses the correct berry, he will survive and emerge a druid. Otherwise, things will get ugly, starting with the horribly fatal effects of a poisonous berry. The goal of the test is to see if Longfellow has picked up the druidic nature lore ability. As it happens he chooses wisely.
By the time Longfellow staggers back into town, the other characters are back in town and fully healed of their diseases and whatnot. Longfellow appears to have eaten nothing but a berry in the last four days. He is wearing a loincloth, and not much of one. He is also accompanied by an immature wild pig which he calls Yellow-tusk. Tonk wants to kill it and eat it, but eventually accepts that it is Longfellow's pet.
While Longfellow is off hallucinating among the trees, Tonk takes the time to sell Kiro's masterwork leather armor and masterwork dagger. He proposes that the characters need some hooded lanterns, and should spend some of the proceeds thuswise. Morgan does the negotiations, and does very well at them. The total take is 300 gp, divided up into three 57 gp shares, plus several hooded lanterns. Upon his return, Longfellow announces that his shortsword and his shortbow are spiritually-impure weapons. He buys a scimitar and 10 darts for 20 gp. The others just look at each other and shrug.
Morgan spends his days and nights searching for other bards in town. He finally learns that there is a bard named Sparrow in town, though he doesn't actually manage to meet the fellow. He also learns that the three bounty hunters are actually skilled assassins named Zelanea, Trunko and Gore. They've been spending their time getting into barfights in the Dancing Badger and thrashing all comers. Morgan tells this to Anpago "Sleep-happy" Yost, and then cuffs him.
The characters head into the Haunted Woods. With a Druid. And a pig. Through the first day's travel they see little evidence to suggest that the place is actually haunted.
Early the next morning, Anpago is on watch when something large walks straight into camp. It grabs Morgan's pack and starts rooting through it. Anpago tries casting Sleep, but it has no effect (as usual). Lacking any other useful tactical options, he screams. The other characters wake to the shrill sound of Anpago screaming. Tonk thinks, "Hmm… Anpago really does scream like a girl. It's a good thing he's the ass-kickinest wizard in the family, or people would really make fun of him."
Grod lurches towards the intruder. He is able to see that it looks like a bear, but with the head of an owl. Tonk breaks a sunrod and sees that it is an owlbear. He starts pulling on weapons and armor. The owlbear looks at him, but continues rooting through Morgan's pack. It pulls out some nasty-looking trail rations, throws the rations away, and commences eating the leather rags they were wrapped in.
While Longfellow debates whether or not it is okay to attack the creature, Anpago ends the debate by shooting it with his light crossbow. The owlbear looks very upset. Anpago makes a Will save against his player to have waited long enough for everyone else to put on some armor. The characters move in on the creature a lot more carefully than Anpago would like. Tonk, Grod and Morgan step into melee with blades swinging. Longfellow casts Magic Fang upon Yellow-Tusk and sends the creature to attack. Morgan reminds him, "Where you see a friend, we see dinner."
The owlbear reaches down and bites a huge chunk of hide out of Yellow-Tusk's hide. Grod strikes and strikes deeply. The owlbear retreats and starts to run. The characters rush in and butcher it. Figuratively. Then Longfellow skins the creature and hands the results over to Tonk to "store" (by burying it, so the worms can get at the skin). The characters eat the sweetmeats first, then cut up enough owlbear flesh to have owlbear steaks for breakfast, lunch, dinner and breakfast tomorrow. And then owlbear stew for lunch. And owlbear croquettes after that.
After two days of travel the characters come upon a clearing and the broken ruins of what used to be a mighty castle. Longfellow looks around and finds signs of booted feet entering the main gate of the castle. And no signs of anyone leaving. He continues his search and is somewhat dismayed to find his mentor Tomas Silverleaf and the ranger Saravar Cheslik, who ask why he is here. After hearing the characters' story, they offer to join the group. Their offer is accepted, and the whole group heads into the ruins.
It is clear that the castle has seen its share of hard times. The main doors have been knocked in and thrown into the center of the tower. The ceiling overhead and the south wall have both collapsed. Fortunately, all of the damage looks decades old. Longfellow looks around for any sign of the wizard's passage, but sees nothing.
The characters decide to crack a sunrod and explore to the west, in a small antechamber. They find several rooms, most of them choked with rubble. One of them was once an armory, based upon the presence of a weapon rack containing a couple of warped spears and a rusty shortsword (-1 to hit, but if you actually manage to hit someone they might catch tetanus from it).
The characters continue on into the open courtyard. The grounds are of packed dirt, with some weeds sprouting around the edges. Two doors to the east lead to storage rooms, one of which contains a bunch of wooden crates of crossbows and bolts. Anpago claims that he needs to find some crossbow bolts and obsessively searches through the bolts for some that are usable. Morgan helps. They find ten. Tonk briefly suggests taking the crates, but is talked down.
Tonk leads the way into the second storage room, which continues on into another smaller room deeper in the ruins. He notices that there is something with a lot of tentacles on the ceiling of the inner room. One tentacle reaches down to grab him by the neck. Tonk gurgles as the creature strangles him. Anpago steps forward to help and accidentally shoots Tonk in the back with his crossbow. On the plus side, Tonk is still conscious after the crossbow hit. On the minus side, he is at exactly zero hp. Morgan zaps Tonk with the Cure Light Wounds wand. Twice. As Anpago and Longfellow rather desperately strike at the creature.
Morgan very pathetically tries to force his way past Tonk to get into the room, zapping Tonk again with the wand in the process. The roper thinks, "Why won't this thing die?" as it continues to throttle Tonk. Morgan finally manages to dodge and roll underneath Tonk's flailing feet. He zaps Tonk some more. Tonk drops his blade, pulls out his war-hammer, and finally kills the creature. It falls from the ceiling, but Tonk continues to bash at it until it is juice.
The battle concluded, Tonk asks the other characters, "Why is there a crossbow bolt sticking out of me? Why is this helpful?" Anpago apologizes.
By this time, it is dark outside. The characters all agree that they are sufficiently tired and wounded that they should rest for the evening and regain spells. They set up a camp in the roper's former lair and sleep.
The next morning the characters are able to confirm that only other way further in is a tunnel dug through the rubble along the south edge of the courtyard. They proceed in. They find themselves with a choice of heading into a lighted area to the east and a darker area to the west. There are signs that something big and not necessarily humanoid has been moving around in the area.
The characters head east into a large cavern and are confronted by a carrion crawler slinking into the cave. Longfellow and the ranger Saravar Cheslik move in to fence with the creature. Tonk gets rather upset with their slow performance, moves in, and kills the thing with one blow. The characters step past the body and search the area. They find a locked iron box. Tonk cautions, "Hold on! Don't touch it! It attracts carrion crawlers!"
It develops that nobody has Open Lock, so the characters simply bring the box along and head into the carrion crawler's lair. It develops that the crawler managed to kill some kind of armored fighter. The characters score:
The potion and the armor are magical. Tonk puts on the armor and find that it is scale armor +1.
The characters move back into the darkened part of the underground complex. They find a grand hall and a rubble-strewn passageway with plants growing in from outside. Longfellow looks around the rubble for signs of local inhabitants. Morgan shows off by casting Mage Hand upon a lantern and having it follow him around as if it were some kind of luminous pet.
Longfellow moves into the plant-filled corridor. He is taken totally by surprise when all of the plants in the area spring to life and attempt to grab hold of everyone. Longfellow curses, "Ten years of druid training and I get caught in a stupid plant-corridor trap! Augh! Oh, wait! It wasn't ten years of training, it was more like four days... the mushrooms just made it seem longer."
Yellow-tusk and Morgan struggle to free themselves while Longfellow gets constricted. And crushed. "Dying... Need healing... Quickly... Glchhh..." The other characters hear Longfellow's ribs cracking. Morgan provides him with a quick zap from the healing wand. Sensing that Longfellow is ready to be turned into dinner, the vine drops him and commences crushing Yellow-Tusk. Yellow-Tusk very cleverly runs away, out of the reach of the vines. Saravar lands several arrows in the thing's heart. Morgan struggles free of its clutches and irritates it with a sword strike. Only barely alive, Longfellow staggers to his feet and attempts to sneak attack the creature with a scimitar. He only succeeds in alerting it to his presence. Finally, Tonk chops at it and rips one of its vines out. The plant sags into death. Tonk yells out, "Keep chopping it!" Longfellow screams and chops.
Once the plant has been chopped to pieces, the characters are able to see the corpse of a half-elf behind it. Tonk tells the others, "Half-elves sometimes have good treasure!" Longfellow adds, "And they're good eatin'! Woops, didn't mean to say that out loud." Tonk looks at him askance and asks, "Is this somehow associated with your Druid training?" Longfellow says nothing as he helps strip the body of its valuables:
Longfellow casts Detect Magic to verify the various magical gewgaws and then tries on the cloak. It adjusts to fit him, but doesn't seem to do anything else. He eventually figures out that it is a Cloak of Resistance +1, and provides a +1 bonus to all saving throws.
The rubble-strewn corridor eventually leads to the hillside. It wasn't visible from the outside because it was hidden by vines.
Each character gains 745 experience points. This award includes points for the owlbear, the roper, the carrion crawler, and assassin vine. Longfellow admires his shiny new experience points as he enjoys a lunch of boiled assassin vine tendril. Tonk complains, "Did you have to boil the tendrils so much? They're all nasty and mushy." Anpago pipes up, "But I like my tendrils mushy!" Grod rolls his eyes in disgust as he licks the last bits of goo off a slice of carrion crawler carapace.