We assemble early after brunch to play little plastic pirate ship games. And whatnot. Tim (Anpago Yost) is caught up in obsessed gamer euphoria because he now possesses a copy of the new Vampire: The Requiem rules. Bruce (Longfellow Yost) would feel snitty about this, except he's too caught up in the new Super-Obsessive Limited Edition GURPS Fourth Edition rules he's got. Billy (Andrinor) reassures him that even though he tries to not appear to be a butterfly-headed gamer geek, he fails all the time. Paul mocks the new Vampire rules by pointing out that they changed his favorite clan, but only by changing one measly letter in the clan's name. He admits to a lack of enthusiasm about Vampire anyway. Georgina (Gero) indicates that he could be... persuaded. There are ways... Chuck (Marcus Sangaree) shows up with food, looks over at Paul's and Billy's hungry faces and asks, "Didn't you get the message about brunch being at ten?"
Paul notices that he is still hungry. He gives Billy $20 to go get food. Everyone expects that this is the last anyone will ever see of Billy: he's off to Mexico!
Everyone is waving goodbye to Billy as he drives south as if he were pursued by dimensional shamblers. While they're distracted, Chris (Tonk Sangaree) sneaks in through the garage then slips unseen into his chair. All utter exclamations of surprise.
There are exclamations of greater surprise when Billy returns. And exclamations of horror when Billy describes his youthful experiences feeding catfish while scuba diving. Once.
Silhouetted against a truncated mountain is the tiny hamlet of Redcliff. Tonk Sangaree, Anpago Yost and Gero stagger into town, still covered with blood, dirt and wyvern guts. They are only slightly cheered to see that their lost companions Andrinor, Longfellow Yost, and the newly-Reincarnated Marcus Sangaree, who is still spending an hour every day admiring his new pointy ears. Andrinor looks around and asks, "Uhh... pardon me for asking, but what the hell is going on?" Tonk Sangaree comments, "I never realized that pixies hibernated for a week at a time."
Tonk rides up to some of the openly hostile villagers on his shaved goat. The locals look like they have lived very hard lives, but some of the younger ones clap at the characters as they pass, doubtless thinking that they are circus performers. Longfellow obliges by demonstrating some very random aerial "acrobatics." Marcus shows Longfellow up by doing some even more random cartwheels and tumbling. Tonk is shocked to see some of the locals start throwing silver pieces at the characters. The characters collect thirty-six of them.
Tonk asks one of the suddenly cheerful locals, "We are travelers. Is there anywhere around here where we can become stinking drunk? Also, is there a temple around here?" The local motions Tonk towards a place called The Nightgowned Goat. The fellow also mentions, "There was a temple up the mountainside many years ago, but it was destroyed and then cursed." Tonk comments, "Yep, that sounds like the sort of place we'd be interested in."
As the characters amble over to the tavern, Marcus tugs Gero's sleeve and points over to the pasture. He whispers, "Looks to me like they've got themselves a whole herd of shaved goats over there." Gero replies, "I do believe that the long-eared nanny posed for the tavern sign. Perhaps she's married to the owner." This is just enough impetus to get the entire rest of the group to start cracking all manner of jokes about the local population of goat-lovers. Tonk is just glad that the locals don't seem perceptive enough to hear the characters' comments.
The characters head into the Nightgowned Goat with two goals: to find out what is up in the district, and to get lousy sloshing drunk. There are a few folks in the tavern. Most of them seem to be discussing the recent disappearance of the Mayor. Tonk tries to get the locals' confidence by walking up and declaring, "I am Tonk! I have killed many, many men! Tell me things!" This doesn't work.
Andrinor gets further by fluttering around and offering people goldfish agglomerated into lumps with spray cheese. He finds out that the Mayor vanished a few days ago. Just before he vanished, he had been acting uncommon strange, ordering people around as if they were slaves and carrying on in all manner of ways.
Andrinor tries to tell the others, but they're all too busy arguing amongst themselves as to whether the Goat's Foot Lager is more potent than the Goat-Whisker Bock. Longfellow notices Andrinor's trouble and flaps down into the middle of the table. He squawks at the top of his little lungs, "Woah! Everyone quiet down! Andrinor has something useful to say! It's probably the first time!" A shocked silence ensues. Marcus mourns, "You just spilled my beer..."
Amazed, Andrinor looks at Longfellow and comments, "No more Speak With Animals spells for you. They just go straight to your head." Tonk pipes up, "Well, there was that time he spotted the fifty-foot worm under the pier, which was better than you managed." Marcus defends his feathered cousin by mentioning, "Yeah, but I bet he could spot flying things with thirty-foot wingspans, though."
Andrinor finally manages to get to his point. He tells the others, "Okay, so I've found a job for us. As you've heard, a little while ago the Mayor went kinda squirrelly, and then he vanished. His daughter runs the local bakery. Those folks over there say she's interested in hiring some adventurers to find him." Tonk perks up, "That sounds good, except that she'll probably pay us in bread and pastries." Andrinor mentions, "But we could trade them for other things. That's what our family is supposed to do, remember?"
Having finally come back to their senses, the characters persuade one of the locals to come over to their table and tell them about the temple. The fellow tells it straight up, "You don't want to go to the temple. Strange lights have been seen around it. And some of the herdsmen have been scared away by mysterious figures." It is clear that the local is none too impressed by the bravery of the herdsmen. He does let slip that the Mayor used to be a priest of Hieroneous up there. Longfellow asks, "But I thought the temple was destroyed decades ago. How old was the Mayor?" Tonk gently corrects Longfellow, "That should be, 'How old is the mayor?'" The local seems not to notice. He tells the characters, "It was destroyed fifty years ago. Mayor's retired since then."
It turns out that the temple is up in the caldera of the volcano. It takes a good three or four hours to hike there.
The smell of fresh bread emanates from the bakery. It is quite toothsome. The place is a big wooden structure with brick ovens to either side. Chickens wander saucily through the yard. Gero comments, "I think this is the bakery." Tonk mocks, "Maybe it's the poultrists." Longfellow comments, "Perhaps they make sausages here." The characters decide that they'd better go in: some of the chickens are cooing seductively at Longfellow, and the others are not convinced that he has the willpower to resist them.
The characters go inside. The lady inside looks up from a rugged bit of pastry and asks, "Who the hell are you?" Tonk tells her, "We're going up to the temple." She asks, "Why would you do that? It was attacked by an army about fifty years ago and it has never been the same since." Anpago flutters about invisibly and explains, "We're danger fetishists!" Tonk ignores his cousin and continues to talk to the baker, "But I thought it was dedicated to a good god?" The baker replies, "Yep, nobody knows why they attacked. The attackers were all killed or driven away. My name is Vera, and my father Andelor is the only survivor from the temple we have left."
She continues, "About a week ago, my father started ordering everyone around and expecting all to wait on him. He snapped at me and my brother Marnor. But last night at the inn, Marnor was saying that he thought our father might be ill or controlled." Andrinor asks, "What does Marnor do for a living?" The baker replies, "Oh, he runs the inn. Marnor thought that we should send for a wizard or cleric to find out what was wrong. But it looks like it might be too late for that now."
Longfellow squawks, "Well, we've tracked and killed many dangerous things in the past." Marcus curses, "Shut up, bird! What he means by that is that in addition to the killing we've also rescued most of the hostages."
Anpago asks the baker, "What kind of orders was your father giving? Things like, 'Build me a ziggurat! I must talk to god!'" The baker responds, "No, it was mostly little stuff. When he wanted to know something he'd just walk up to someone and demand the information. He was very interested in the defenses of the village." Marcus comments, "Ooh, maybe we should try that. Are there any dangerous animals around?" Tonk mutters, "Wyverns. Idiot."
The baker explains, "The temple was the town's major defense." Longfellow asks, "But that happened fifty years ago, and you can't be older than thirty. So from your whole life experience, the place has been defenseless?" She explains, "Well, we all know how to fight, and we're all about fifth level." Longfellow shoots a significant look at the others and circles his wingtip to the side of his head... plainly, the entire population of the village is loony.
Tonk ignores his cousin and asks Vera, "Did your father keep a diary?" Andrinor tries to correct Tonk, mentioning, "Seriously, does this place look like a place where people know how to read?" Vera says, "He did have some writings, but I don't know if I can show them to you." Tonk tries to reassure her, "Well, Longfellow is a druid and understands the value of secrecy. He has great discretion." Longfellow tries to second this by crowing, "Awk! Cross my heart!" Vera seems skeptical, "Wouldn't he tear the pages with his claws?" Tonk explains, "The bear turns the pages for him." Vera just stares at him. There is an awkward silence. Tonk protests, "Well, he does!"
Longfellow tries a different tack: Diplomacy. He rolls a 23. He is suave and charming. Anpago is choked and amazed by the sight. He utters a very un-pixieish, "Awk!" Vera agrees to let him look at her father's notes. Gero notes, "With that roll, he might be able to convince her of a lot more." Longfellow replies, shocked, "Awk! I don't flap that way. Anymore."
It turns out that Andelor's journal contains a lot of very mundane notes. Most of it is reminders of things he needed to do in the day, errands that needed running, and so on. The last entry is a week before he started behaving oddly.
Marcus reminds Longfellow that he can change into a dog and track things by smell. Longfellow finds that dogs get a +8 racial bonus to Wilderness Lore when tracking. He is not only able to track Andelor, he can also tell what the man had for lunch and which of the town widows he was tupping. He reports that the mayor went up to the temple. Then he spends some quality time licking his own balls. Gero turns away in disgust. Anpago finds himself strangely fascinated by the sight. Andrinor shudders. Marcus yells out, "Hey! Check it out! When Andrinor shudders, he vibrates like a machine gun!" Tonk asks, "What's a machine gun?" Gero mumbles something about a high density of anachronism in the air today.
The characters march up the trail to the old temple.
The old temple is a massive stone pile, clearly meant to last through massive punishment. It is two hundred and eighty feet from stem to stern. The place is battered, but still visibly intact. The windows remain barred by rusted metal plates, but the main doors are cracked, warped and standing ajar.
The characters head in through the main door and start exploring. They find a battle going on in a side room. Half of the participants are dressed as templars of Hieroneous, half are a motley crowd of warriors. The characters notice that the fight is going on in complete silence. And that if they wait long enough, it starts over at the beginning. They conclude that they are watching ghosts. They leave it for later.
Room across the hall is empty except for some.
Tonk forges on, undismayed by the ghost room and the other rooms that contain nothing more than rodent droppings and a broken chair. He finds a closed door. He pulls it open, but as he touches it a glyph shines brightly and he takes 16 points of sonic damage. He turns around as if nothing happened and asks the others, "Anyone else want to try? I think it's fine." Anpago asks, "Tonk, are you okay?" Tonk replies, "Yes, I like Parkay!" Anpago tries the door. He takes only 6 points of damage. Andrinor looks over at Longfellow (still in dog form) to ask, "Hey, Longfellow! Hey boy! You want to try? You want to try! That's a good doggie! You're such a good doggie! There you go! GO try the door!" Longfellow finds himself becoming irrationally excited. He barks out, "Woof! Woof woof woof!" Then he realizes Andrinor's cunning plan and swiftly turns back into an eagle so he can be smarmy and acidic again.
The characters plot how to open the door. They eventually realize that Anpago can cast Knock, a spell specifically designed to open doors. It works great.
The door proves to open on the main chamber of the temple, complete with another ghostly tableaux of Hieroneous supporters being shot up with arrows. Tonk announces, "Pool! Five gold to join. What are we going to find in the temple?" The others spend a moment thinking before they make their choices:
Someone suggests, "Whaddaya bet that if we take the magic talisman from here, all these ghosts are gonna suddenly tear us to gibbets?" Tonk replies, "I don't want to take that bet. Let's start thinking about alternate escape plans, plans that don't involve running out the front door."
The characters head into the Main Hall. They are shocked as a series of shadows appear and promptly attack them. A shadow slices through Tonk and inflicts 5 STR damage. Marcus comments, "If you have any questions about ability damage, just let me know. I'm a master of the subject." The others are less than happy to see that the first shadow has several friends, all of whom are equally eager to make the characters' acquaintance.
Gero points out, "I just need to take a five-foot step and I can hit the one that's killing Tonk. That's why I always stand near him: if something bad happens, it'll happen near Tonk." Tonk grumbles, "Yep, just call me 'ground-zero Tonk'". Gero takes her five-foot step and slaughters the shadow.
Marcus concentrates very hard and tries to turn the creatures. Sadly, the power of Olidhammara, Goddess of Wine, is not sufficient. He tells the others, "You're on your own, guys!"
Then one of the things floats up to attack Longfellow, who had been fluttering around near the ceiling. Tonk looks up from dissecting the second shadow to exclaim, "They can fly! Jinkies!" And then five more of the things appear. Tonk howls at the magicians, "Cast an area-effect spell! I'd rather take damage than STR loss!" Andrinor sends a Lightning Bolt crackling right past him, crackling one of the shadows and leaving Tonk with frizzy hair and blackened faces. Tonk tells Andrinor, "Okay, that worked, but let's try it differently next time. I thought you were going to use fire, because I'm wearing a Ring of Chill." Andrinor apologizes, "Oh. If I'd remembered that I would have done that differently..."
Anpago casts Emotion and makes everyone hopeful. Gero very hopefully chops another shadow into tapioca. Marcus raises up his magic grape leaves and turns two of them, sending them fleeing through the walls. And then Longfellow attempts to attack the one that flew up next to him. He quickly learns that they are only affected by magic weapons. His claws pass harmlessly through the creature. Fortunately, it runs away a second later, thanks to Marcus and the Power of Wine.
Things get dicier as Gero, Longfellow and Watches-Birds take hits and lose surprisingly huge amounts of STR. Fortunately, Watches-Birds has a lot of STR. Tonk comments, "It sounds inhuman, but keep him around to suck up hits." Marcus offers, "Circle of life, dude." Tonk replies, "Yes, you often read stories from Africa about bears being attacked by fucking undead."
Andrinor decides on behalf of the group that everyone would rather take hit point damage than ability damage. He drops a Fireball in the middle of the group, hoping that everyone's Rings of Chill will protect them from the damage. In fine style, every shadow avoids the damage. But most of the characters get fried. Including Andrinor.
Longfellow follows up with a Flame Strike carefully positioned to hit only the shadow attacking him, and (as he is happy to point out) none of the characters. Sadly, it doesn't hit the shadow either.
Andrinor notices that Longfellow is only barely keeping himself in the air. He announces, "It's really pathetic watching an eagle with 4 STR try to fly." He shoots down Longfellow's shadow with Magic Missiles. Longfellow flutters helplessly to the ground.
Marcus stabs one through the eye, except that the shadow was incorporeal at the time. Longfellow helps out with two Flaming Spheres that do nothing.
Tonk takes another hit. He can barely move under the weight of his armor. He is able to crawl along on the ground. He proposes, "I'm going to pretend to be dead... right now, it's not that hard..." Gero weakly croaks out, "Give me an h..."
Andrinor throws Bull's Strength on Tonk, allowing him to totter like an infant. Andrinor yells, "Dude! Drop your backpack and any other gear, we'll come back for it later!" Then Andrinor uses Magic Missiles to execute the shadow in front of Tonk, clearing him to escape. Anpago throws an Obscuring Mist. Gero runs for it. She runs an incredible distance, thanks to her barbarian upbringing and her Boots of Speed. Tonk offers, "Gad. We should have her race ponies for money." Tonk follows Gero, much more slowly. Longfellow and Watches-Birds run for it.
This leaves Marcus, Andrinor and Anpago still in the room. Marcus trips over Tonk's pack, allowing two shadows to get one last attempt at him before he flees. He dodges their attacks with ease. Andrinor makes a high-pitched mosquito-like whine with his whings as he departs.
Anpago sends a parting Fireball into the room. Tonk asks, "Exactly where did you shoot that? I think you just fried my backpack..." Anpago refuses to apologize.
Longfellow insists on crawling back to town. Everyone else either trudges or rides. They get back to Redcliff and find whatever accommodations they can manage. Longfellow wakes in the morning to find himself sprawled in the bakery's woodshed. He hops and staggers his way over to the bakery and begs for pastries. Vera crumbles some bread up and scatters it in front of him. Then some pigeons show up and beat him up.
The characters spend two days in town casting Lesser Restoration spells on each other and complaining about how badass the shadows were. There is some debate on whether or not animals killed by shadows might come back as nonhuman shadows. Andrinor explains that his old professor said shadows could only raise humanoid things. Marcus preps up Detect Undead and cautions the others that if he casts it and falls unconscious then the other characters should run.
The general plan for the return is to cover the group with Improved Invisibility and Invisibility to Undead, then stomp into the room throwing around undead turning, Lightning Bolts and Fireballs.
The characters return to the Bad Shadow Room to find three measly shadows waiting for them. Marcus turns them after only two attempts. The shadows go scurrying. Underground. For ten rounds. Marcus explains to the others that after that they can come back if they want to. Tonk looks exasperated.
Andrinor stands guard with Anpago's wand of Magic Missile, waiting for the shadows to return. Marcus takes this opportunity to cast Detect Undead and check out the three doors around the edges of the hall. He doesn't find any. Longfellow casts Detect Magic to look for additional glyphs. He also finds nothing.
When the shadows come back, their return is rather anticlimactic. Andrinor obliterates one with Magic Missiles. Tonk steps up and cracks the other one a couple of times with his blade. He yells, "Tonk mad! Tonk not a sissy! Tonk straight!" The creature dissipates. And there are a few new cracks in the floor tiles.
Marcus runs to the East door, yelling, "I check for traps!" Tonk ignores him and forces the door. Only after Tonk finishes with the door does Andrinor cast Bull's Strength upon him and Gero. The characters see the remains of a library. There are row upon row of toppled bookshelves. Time, weather humidity have destroyed most of their contents.
Watches-Birds carries Longfellow in. Longfellow is still busy concentrating on Detect Magic, but senses nothing.
The characters start searching. The books are in very poor condition. Most are unreadable. Andrinor manages to find several tomes about Hieroneous and the dogma of Hieroneous and the doctrine of Hieroneous and the faith of Hieroneous the priests of Hieroneous and so on. They can be sold, or they can be read to gain a +2 bonus on Knowledge rolls relating to Hieroneous.
The north room features a big statue of Hieroneous in armor. Someone broke off the statue's sword arm, which lies on the floor a few feet away. The sword is broken into a couple of pieces. Longfellow announces that the statue is magical. Andrinor asks the others, "Everyone got their anti-construct spells ready?"
There are several benches against the walls. The characters speculate that they are there so temple members can sit and practice worshipping the statue. Gero corrects this misapprehension, explaining, "They're not actually worshipping the statue, just the god through the focus of the statue." Andrinor asks her, "Are you sure about that? I bet in this book over here it says that they're worshipping the damn statue... oh wait, that's not right."
The room to the west was once the mess hall. The walls are adorned with symbols of Hieroneous. Most of the room is filled with overturned tables and chairs.
The characters head in with Tonk in the lead. Tonk is quite surprised when arrows come flying at him. Arrows fired by a formerly invisible eight-foot tall bald humanoid in loose-fitting clothing over chainmail hovering up near the ceiling. A scimitar hangs by his side.
Tonk pulls the arrow out of his arm and comments, "Oh! It's a genie!" Gero says, "I already said that! That's so typical. The girl says something and ten minutes later all the guys think that it was their own thought."
Andrinor becomes visible and flies up to the genie. He protests, "We don't have to fight! I'm here, and I can buy you off! I have cold!" Gero ignores the pixie's doomed efforts at diplomacy and patiently explains to the others, "Genies traditionally only appear when there is an unjust ruler. When the ruler is just, no genies. When the people are oppressed, then genies appear." When Andrinor manages to close his mouth, he asks, "You must have a lot of time to read out on the steppes. Is this sort of thing common in your tribe?"
The genie explains telepathically, "I'm afraid I do have to do this. I am enslaved, and I must do what my master commands. I must do my best to kill you. But if you knock me out, maybe I can give you some information." Andrinor tries to explain this at high speed to the others. Longfellow tells the others, "Andrinor is making a high-pitched noise. He must be broken." The genie continues to shoot arrows.
Tonk and Gero take cover behind a table and fire arrows back. Or, in Gero's case, flaming crossbow bolts. She notes that the flame part of the damage doesn't do much. She concludes that the genie is probably the unpromising sort of genie that's immune to fire. She takes comfort in the knowledge that the piercing, cutting part of the bolt seems to do just fine.
Longfellow casts Giant Vermin and changes three crickets to "large" size, as big as Watches-Birds. He sends them at the genie. One of them stumbles. Another crashes into the wall next to the genie. Tonk shakes his head and comments, "They must be disoriented from becoming large all of a sudden." Anpago rebukes Longfellow, "You realize that this spell does nothing to help our 'carny folk' problem?" Tonk helpfully offers, "It isn't so much that I worry about spells making us look like carny folk. I just wish you could learn some spells that actually did something useful. Maybe you could take wizarding lessons from your cousins Anpago and Andrinor? They seem to have lots of cool magical tricks." Longfellow busies himself with rounding up his giant crickets.
The genie flies at Tonk and Gero. Marcus yells, "Incoming!" Tonk dodges underneath a vicious scimitar strike. Gero drops her crossbow, comes out with her kukris, and gives the genie such a beating. Tonk draws his blade and beats him a couple of times more. The genie staggers. Then Anpago hits him with the flat of his dagger. The genie falls over, unconscious. Anpago crows, "I'm still the ass-kickinest wizard this side of the Spider Woods!" Tonk shoots back, "Oh yeah, you show up once we've done all the hard work and you take all the credit."
Andrinor comments, "We can't really tie him up, because he can just become ethereal or gaseous." Tonk offers, "Well, let's at least take all of his equipment." The characters strip him. When he comes to, Andrinor demands information. The genie suggests, "Would you stop speaking that out loud? My master is just in the next room!"
Andrinor rather lamely attempts to allay suspicion by yelling, "NOW WE KILL HIM!" Marcus joins in, shouting, "NOW WE FEED HIM TO THE CRICKETS!" Tonk shakes his head and mourns the cruel fate that left him the only mature, responsible member of the group. Gero looks up from mending a cut in her sleeve to reassure him, "I'm plenty responsible. Out in the steppes, the irresponsible ones got fed to the vultures. I'm still not sure why you city people keep so many of them around."
The genie telepathically explains to the characters, "I am enslaved by an evil yak-folk!" Marcus, disbelieving, asks, "What?" The genie repeats, "I am enslaved by an evil yak-folk!" Anpago, also disbelieving, concurs, "Seriously. Tell us the truth." The genie starts to lose patience, exclaiming, "No really! They're an evil race that can enslave genies and possess the bodies of mortal men." Marcus looks over at Tonk and comments, "If you start acting funny, we're gonna have to 'de-yak' you." Andrinor suggests, "I hear that gelding works too!"
Tonk rolls his eyes and asks the genie, "How do we free you?" Marcus does his best to copy his responsible older cousin and asks, "And how do we kill it?" The genie tells them, "Just leave me here, tied up. When you kill the yak folk, I will be free. He is in the next room, possessing the body of a huu-man. This one is very intelligent, and proficient in the worship of Hextor. And well-versed in magic. And he has a staff that beguiles the minds of humans." Andrinor tells the others, "Again, there's only one of us who needs to worry." Tonk cuffs his cousin and explains, "I think that's a gen-er-al-i-zation. And if he does possess me, I can think of two cousins I'm gonna grease first."
Anpago asks the genie, "How do we get him out of the huu-man?" The genie is plainly starting to absorb personality traits from the characters. He responds, "With the lime and the co-co-nut... oh seriously, slay the host body or persuade it to leave the host body."
Andrinor asks, "How 'bout anti-volcano charms? Any of those around here?" The genie replies, "Don't know." Andrinor continues, "How bout you? Can you stop volcanos? Just something to think about while you're subdued."
The characters walk some distance away to plot and plan. Marcus indicates that he knows Bluff. Then the plan comes around: Anpago will sneak in and hit the yak folk with Hold Person and then the characters will try to convince him to leave. Apparently this yak folk is alone because he came to scout the area. The yak folks' Evil City is full and they're looking for places to expand to. The Evil City is a day's travel to the west.
Then the characters realize that the original plan has a problem: the door to the next room is closed, so Anpago can't sneak in invisibly without causing the yak folk to become suspicious. A modified plan is developed: Tonk will break open the door, then Anpago will flutter in and cast. And subtlety will go out the window.
Unfortunately, during the time the characters were talking to the genie, the yak folk scout has been casting spells.
Anpago springs in to see the yak folk wearing a longsword, breastplate and shield. He looks like just a guy, and a fairly old one at that. He shrugs off Anpago's spell without even blinking. Anpago mourns, "I'm gonna cry."
Andrinor flies in, points at the yak folk, says, "Zerk! Zerk!" and winks. Nobody understands what this is supposed to mean until they realize he's thrown two icy Lightning Bolts at the guy. Tonk howls, "Noooo! We were supposed to try and take him alive!" Both Lightning Bolts hit home, and hit hard. Tonk moans, "That poor old man. We're gonna have to Reincarnate him, and then tell Vera 'Here's your dad... Don't mind that he's a badger now...'" The old man looks pretty frozen after the Lightning Bolts, but still has lots of spirit left. He yells, "Took you fifty years to come back, but I'm still waiting for you!" He charges.
By this time, even the slower characters have grasped that the old man is actually Vera's father Andelor.
Gero meets Andelor's charge and tells him, "I take issue with that. We did not trash your temple. It was already trashed when we got here." She strikes Andelor with subdual attacks. Then he strikes back. He's pretty vicious for an eighty-year-old guy. And then a bolt of acid hits Gero in the back. Something near the wall spat it out. She curses, "Tell me it hit my hair..." as she flies into barbarian rage and turns to see a creature like a humanoid yak crawling on the wall. Anpago swiftly hits him with a Fireball.
Marcus moves in and fires arrows at the yak folk. He misses.
Longfellow orders his army of giant crickets and Watches-Birds in to action. Longfellow flies in after them, indicating, "I want to be near Watches-Birds." Marcus comments, "I want to be near the door..."
Andrinor notices the yak folk and spits out two more icy Lightning Bolts. One of them merely grazes, but the other hits home.
Gero takes a couple hits from the old man, who dishes out quite a bit of damage. He shouts, "I will defend Hieroneous to the death! You can never have my soul!" Marcus tells him, "We're just here for the frickin' magic rock!" Anpago doesn't help things by insisting, "We want your spleen!"
The yak folk pulls one of his hands off the wall and waves a twisting, hypnotic staff at Andrinor, who shakes off the effects. Anpago Fireballs him again, frying two of the giant crickets in the process. The yak folk hangs there on the well, thoroughly dead. The surviving giant cricket chitters in sadness. Tonk yells, "Don't let it eat that staff!" The cricket moves forward and chews off one of the dead yak folk's legs.
Longfellow tosses Charm Person and Animal at the old man, who throws off the spell. Anpago grouses, "What's up with this guy? Is he some kind of cleric?" All (in unison) reply, "YES!" Tonk bashes Andelor some more. He's looking very unsteady. Gero clocks him one last time and sends him to the ground.
Marcus waits underneath the dead yak folk to wait for the creature's Spider Climb potion to wear off. This takes ten minutes. While he waits, the others strip the old man's equipment off. Turns out he was Ftr5/Clr4. He has:
The characters decide that it would be crass to take his stuff, so they let him keep all of it. In contrast, they have no such feelings about the yak folk, who was carrying:
Andelor finally wakes up to find Anpago fluttering in his face and chirping, "Hi! I'm Anpago! And thanks to a Charm Person spell, I'm your friend!" Andelor seems disoriented. He mutters, "Anpago... What are you doing with these people?" Anpago tells him, "I rescued you..."
Andelor acts like this isn't really the point. He asks, "Yes, but why are you with these people who attacked the temple?" Rather lamely, Anpago insists, "I subdued them. Where is the magic rock? There's supposed to be a device that keeps the volcano from exploding. Where is it?" Andelor dazedly offers, "The volcano has been dead for years. There's a sacred stone in the room over there... As far as I know it hasn't any effect on the volcano. But I don't know what it's purpose is."
Andelor is still obviously under the effects of the yak folk's spell. Talking to him is very frustrating. Andrinor tells Anpago, "Use your pixie power to dispel the yak folk's charm!" Anpago strikes his forehead and exclaims, "Holy fuck! I can do that!" Tonk offers, "Thank you, Andrinor. Apparently this is a complete surprise to your cousin, the pixie. Gee whillickers, we can fly! Holy brimstone, pixies can vanish! Geez..."
Anpago volunteers to lead Andelor away to give the characters an opportunity to "Oot-lay the emple-tay while the iest-pray isn't ere-thay."
The characters continue on into a room that the yak folk had plainly converted into quarters. It is furnished with a large bed. Tonk asks, "How big is the large bed?" Andrinor tells him, "We have established that a large bed is ten feet wide and ten feet long." Gero argues, "I would call it a massive bed." Anpago shouts, "Boo-ya! Money's mine!" The others concur, reluctantly, only if nothing else is found. Marcus grumbles, "Gnomes. Dirty, filthy gnomes."
Marcus finds a bag of gold and gems, a masterwork (possibly magical) longsword, prayer book of Hextor, and some maps. He checks out the maps. One of them is a map of the Yak Evil City. "Yak City!" "Yaksylvania!"
Gero finds a bit of lint that looks like a mouse.
Other room. Furnished with a large bed. Tonk, "How big is the large bed?" Andrinor, "We have established that a large bed is ten feet wide and ten feet long." Gero argues, "I would call it a massive bed." Anpago shouts, "Boo-ya! Money's mine!" The others concur, reluctantly, only if nothing else is found. Marcus grumbles, "Gnomes. Dirty, filthy gnomes."
Marcus finds a bag of gold and gems, a masterwork (possibly magical) longsword, prayer book of Hextor, and some maps. He checks out the maps. One of them is a map of the Yak Evil City. "Yak City!" "Yaksylvania!"
Gero finds a bit of lint that looks like a mouse.
The characters also wander through the kitchen and the larder. The kitchen is wrecked, but features a phantom of a man in priestly robes being stabbed with a knife. The larder is scattered with bodies. Anpago asks, "Should we bury these guys, and maybe do some sort of ceremony?" Andelor tells him, "They're not real."
The characters briefly pick over the looted armory then head to the Sacred Fucking Stone Room. They find the stone setting atop an altar. A skeletal person in armor lies across the altar top, his bony fingers clutching the stone itself. Anpago casts Detect Eeeevil. He detects nothing. He asks Andelor, "Was that skeleton always there?" Andelor replies, "Nooo... In fact, I don't think this room has been opened since the temple was attacked."
Anpago and Andrinor separate the skeleton from the Sacred Fucking Stone. There is a discharge of light. All the phantoms disappear. Tonk comments, "Hey! Can you flip that switch the other way?" Anpago carefully pushes the rock into his backpack. Andrinor tries Detect Evil. He gets nothing.
The characters tromp back down the mountainside with Andelor and the Sacred Stone. The village folk thank them massively and throw a big feast. The menu features chicken and sheep dishes with lots of apples and potatoes. The villagers don't even demand that the characters perform. But they indicate that they wouldn't object if they did. Andrinor puts on a huge show with all of his spells. And then Anpago makes everyone hopeful ("I hope they leave soon.").
The session ends with the characters preparing to return to Highthrone with the Sacred Stone. Each character gains 2550 experience points. Woohoo!