The Queen was most displeased, first because Tim (Padachee Sangaree and Anpago Yost) drew what pixies really look like and then Paul revealed that his fetish was "looking normal." Chris (Tonk Sangaree) looks at the pixie and asks, "What's that in its mouth? A small city?" Chuck (Darg Sangaree) explains, "Nooo... I think that's its mating organ." Billy (Mebble) suggests that being a pixie isn't such a bad thing. For example, you could be a badger. Bruce (Longfellow Yost) chirps up, "My character is an eagle! Awk!" Everyone else very politely ignores him.
Having realized that fallen characters can be brought back cheaply through Resurrection, the characters troop over to the druid Meyzor to get Anpago Yost reincarnated for the low, low price of 280 gold. Anpago comes back as a pixie, which goes a long way towards explaining why the beginning of the session enjoyed an inappropriate density of pixie jokes. Mebble looks down at Anpago's new shape and scoffs, "Haha! I'm almost a foot taller than you are!" Anpago sneers, "Yeah, but I have wings."
Some time passes, and each character spends 30 gold on living expenses (or, in Longfellow Yost's case, on bear-feeding expenses). Except for Anpago, who was dead part of the time. And with Anpago back, the characters once again redistribute stuff. Oddly, Anpago cannot use most of his original equipment, so what had started as a fairly simple effort to return Anpago's goods to him turns into an irrational orgy of swap and grab. Mebble turns out to be the real winner of the day, walking off with:
Longfellow has little to complain about, as he ends up with:
Anpago finds that there is little he can use on offer, but he does reclaim some items including:
Tonk Sangaree ends up taking the items that nobody else wants. This primarily includes:
The characters managed to acquire a fair amount of items from the tomb where Longfellow got himself crushed last session. Darg Sangaree arranges to sell all of it for about half of its nominal value. The total take amounts to 3407 gold. Each character's share is 681 gold and 4 silver. Longfellow explains to Tonk, "I really like shiny, pretty things now. Awk!" He flaps off to purchase six tourmalines, each worth 100 gold. Tonk rolls his eyes in frustration, murmuring to himself, "A talking eagle is a benefit to the group... a talking eagle is a benefit to the group... A talking eagle is a miserable... oh, sod it."
During their last few days in Highthrone, the characters have been doing their best to look useful to the family by talking to local merchants and trying to find trade opportunities. Except for Tonk, who has been occupying himself down at the Giant's Bag getting drunk and making a suit of masterwork leather armor for a pixie down in the common room.
During this time the Festival of Winds comes and goes, along with quite a variety of parades and rituals. At the Festival, the characters are disturbed to discover that halflings don't actually have hairy feet: they're actually walking on their balls. Mebble screams at them that this is all false, but nobody pays him heed.
Some days after the Festival is done with, a runner from the Holy Temple of the Sun drops off a note informing the characters to be at their rooms at Amber's so they can meet with a representative of the church of Pelor.
On the appointed day, Sister Chiron of the Temple of Pelor stops by to ask about the characters' religious status. She assures the characters that the city officials require that all newcomers be interviewed about such matters. Darg whispers, "I don't like this. She's just about to start oppressing us." Then he turns to the priestess and explains, "I am obviously a follower of Kord, as you can see. And I have put these fine fellows on a healthy diet of raw meat, entrails and acorns." Tonk grumbles, "Yeah. The rest of us worship Fahrlangn, except for the pixie and the... bird." Longfellow chirps up, "I worship Obad-Hai! Awwk! The world is my temple! Awwk!"
Sister Chiron endures this display with good humor, and then starts asking if the characters are carrying any portable shrines or sanctified items. When Darg starts to exult about how the wonderful, high staircases between the city and the Terraces are already such a marvelous shrine to Kord, she explains that the city does not permit public shrines to any deity except for Pelor and Veharika.
The characters give her an array of references to support their assertions that they do not worship any particularly evil deities.
Then the priestess offers up more information than the characters wanted to hear. She explains that she was in love with a paladin of the church who died in a way that was not fixable. And in the recent goblin attack, his body vanished from the bier where he had been sky-buried for the birds (Tonk looks pointedly at Longfellow, who croaks out, "Hey! It's cheaper than bread!" Tonk shudders).
The priestess continues on that she has obtained an item to find where his body lies, but she cannot obtain help from the temple - their love was a secret thing, as all priests and paladins of Pelor are brothers and sisters. Darg assures everyone else, "It's exactly the same in the Church of Kord, except that we just don't care." Tonk comments, "Darg, if you ever get married, I'm never going to be able to look at your wife without snickering." Anpago suggests that Darg has a fetish for fat women. He meets them, gets them into shape, then dumps them because they're no longer fulfilling to him.
Once again, Sister Chiron does not visibly allow this byplay to dissuade her. She says that the characters' reputations suggest that they are very honorable people ("And birds! Awk!") and asks them to help her find the body of her beloved. She knows only that the body is to the South, in the goblin lands. She wishes to depart the city early the next morning, and has arranged for airship transport down to the foothills.
Mebble goes against the grain by placing a hand on the priestess' thigh (because he can't reach her shoulder) and tries to offer a few comforting words. Tonk whispers to him, "Guy, she's carrying a mace!" The priestess is clearly terribly distraught, because this gesture doesn't seem to bother her one bit.
The characters make ready to depart for the southern jungles in the morning. Tonk, mindful of the need for discretion, sends word to cousin Jebediah Sangaree that the characters will be traveling to a community at the base of the mountains and will be away for a while. Darg concludes that Jebediah will simply say, "Oh, you people are still around? I'd been hoping that you'd just died."
The characters buy trail rations for themselves, and a fair number of antitoxin vials (50 gold each). Both Longfellow and Darg swap around spells to include some emphasis upon Create Water and Purify Food and Drink. Tonk asks around for insect repellents. He finds out that DEET hasn't been invented yet, but the local alchemists do have a number of foul-smelling ointments for the same purpose. As an added bonus, they're also repellent to giant bugs, which take a -2 penalty to attack treated targets. The ointments cost 5 gold per day. Tonk announces that he isn't planning on getting laid in the jungle. He purchases an 8-day supply.
While Tonk and Longfellow head off to tell cousin Jebediah about the "copper mine" they're going to investigate, Darg ventures up to the Temple of Pelor to make sure that Sister Chiron really is a priestess. Jebediah has only one comment for Tonk: "This copper mine. Tell me, is this mine blond or brunette?" Tonk doesn't respond. Jebediah doesn't seem terribly upset to see the characters off.
Darg just learns that Sister Chiron and her dead sweetie are for real.
Sister Chiron shows up with three very heavy trunks. Darg asks, "Chiron? Do you seriously need all that stuff?" She rather earnestly responds, "Oh, Yes! Absolutely!" Anpago whispers to Darg, "Don't tease her, or she'll tease us about all the farm animals..." She has the longshoreman load the trunks up while the characters arrange to get their donkeys and the bear Watches-Birds-at-Dawn on board. Everyone notices that Anpago is no longer as enamored of making jokes about carny folk.
The docks open in the morning when the Master of the Docks judges that the mists have cleared enough to allow safe docking. A tremendous horn cries out, and several majestic skyships drift in from the fog-banks. The experience of the journey down is a new and wonderful experience for all the characters that have not yet been on a sky-ship. Which would be all of them. Anpago asks, "Is my pixie-vomit invisible, just like me?"
It takes five hours for the ship to reach the port at the bottom of the mountain. It docks with its cradle and the crew puts out a gangplank to the ground. The characters are all easily able to negotiate the gangplank, except Watches-Birds, who must first be fortified with alcohol. Later on, Tonk mourns, "Who could have predicted that a drunk bear and flash photography would lead to tragedy?"
Sister Chiron's first trunk turns out to contain her armor. It is very impressive stuff: full plate with gilt accents and a faceplate made in the shape of Pelor's face. Mebble takes a look at it and offers, "Ooh, very impressive. You think we could dull that down a bit while we're in the jungle?" She allows Tonk to help her don her armor. Mebble speculates that this is because he's the only party member with opposable thumbs who isn't hitting on her. Tonk, ever the grizzled campaigner, concludes that Sister Chiron has probably never been in a fight in her entire life: nobody who had would ever wear such ornamental armor.
It turns out that the second trunk is Sister Chiron's portable shrine to Pelor, while the third is full of clothing and shoes. The characters decide that they can put the contents of the remaining two shrines onto one of the donkeys.
The characters have already noticed that the climate around Highthrone, a mere hundred miles South of their home in Kingswood, is substantially warmer (the difference being about the same as the difference between the climates of Texas and Mexico). The jungles are another hundred miles to the south, and promise to be even warmer.
The roads extend south far enough to let the characters travel in relative ease for the first day and a half of the journey. The road passes near the Spider Woods, so the underbrush is cleared away from the roadway for quite a distance. Watchtowers stand guard at regular intervals, with very obvious signal fires ready at their tops. The characters conclude that the locals take the potential threat of goblin invasion rather seriously, and have taken quite a number of precautions against it.
After a day and a half of uneventful travel through (enforced) grassland, the characters arrive at the Spider Woods and plunge straight in. The trees are black, and the forests are dark even in the day. Lichens and moss dominate the forest undergrowth: nothing else will grow in the permanent gloom. The region has an almost subterranean ecology. Mebble, reassured by his new Cloak of Elvenkind, heads out to act as a scout. Longfellow, who suddenly realizes that his Woodland Stride trick lets him fly at full speed even through heavy forest, heads out to do his own scouting. Along the way he performs a series of near-unbelievable flying tricks.
During dinner that evening, Darg notices that Tonk seems to be a bit more white-faced than usual. He discovers a leech attached to Tonk's leg. Darg gets it off with a burning brand from the fire. The thing squeals as Darg crushes it to death with his boot. Picking over the remains, Darg comments, "I've never seen a leech that big before." Tonk rather blearily offers, "That's because it's been gorging on my blood all day. It's my familiar. It gives me -2 CON and sleeping sickness." Tonk resolves to not go swimming in any stagnant bodies of water. Or any bodies of running water, for that matter.
Early the next day, the characters see three glowing balls of light flying around each other in a complicated twining pattern. They are ahead of the group's path, just a bit downslope. Anpago volunteers to fly down all invisible and such to check the situation out. As he approaches, the spheres fly close to him. The other characters hear an electrical discharge. And then they hear the pixie scream out bloody murder. Tonk yells, "Let's shoot 'em to death, boys!" and nocks an arrow to his bow. Anpago flees back to the safety of the party.
Tonk, Darg and Mebble lead off with a volley of arrows that is unique in its ineffectuality. Anpago manages to top them by casting Sleep. And then the will-o-wisps vanish. Anpago casts Detect Evil and announces, "There is evil in the area!" Mebble comments, "Yeah, great. That could be the trees." Darg muses, "Or could it be Sister Chiron?" Tonk snaps back, "what is it with you? Any religious person we encounter who worships anything other than Kord you immediately assume is evil." Darg responds, "I just have a special sense for these things."
The debate is ended when another crackle of lightning rings out and Anpago yells in pain. Tonk responds with a devastatingly useless sword swing. He explains, "They've got some sort of magical field around them that deflects our attacks!" Darg chides him, "Just be a man and be willing to admit that you missed."
Mebble finally manages to hit one. The characters have a bit of a celebration, one that lasts until the will-o-wisps vanish again. And then fail to reappear.
Tonk speaks for the entire group when he says, "If those things show up again, how the fuck are we going to deal with them?" The eventual conclusion is that if they show up again, Anpago shouldn't approach them. Anpago mentions that he's heard that will-o-wisps feed on emotions, particularly panic, terror and death. Tonk offers, "Well, they've certainly got us spooked and all." The characters continue on.
Mindful of the fact that the forest is full of incredibly dangerous creatures, the characters arrange for two-person watches. Mebble agrees to swap around the Eyes of the Eagle to whomever it on watch at the moment.
Mebble and Anpago are on watch when they hear a lot of gulping sounds. They look around. Mebble spots something black and about six inches long fastened to Darg's throat. Mebble says, "My Wilderness Lore suggests that this is probably some kind of leech, but I've never seen one so clever as to go for the throat. Very curious. Look at its incredible musculature. We have the privilege of viewing a very highly-developed predator!" Anpago shrills, "Just get it off him!" Mebble picks up a flaming brand from the fire and approaches Darg. Darg wakes up to see Mebble standing over him with a burning stick. Mebble explains, "Darg, there's a giant leech on your throat. I'm going to have to burn it off." Darg is skeptical, but allows Mebble to burn it off and capture it.
A subsequent search turns up quite a few of these things in the camp. Tonk organizes a very vigorous and thorough slug hunt, extending as far as the donkeys. Longfellow squawks out that the creatures should be either boiled into a leech stew, or pan-fried into leech fricassee. Everyone else ignores him.
Once Tonk has finished with his anti-leech crusade, Mebble sits down to examine one of the creatures. He determines that they are throat leeches. Darg notices that his entire throat is numb. The characters conclude that the creatures exude a natural anesthetic. Mebble collects four throat leeches in a jar for sale later on.
The next day, the characters see some goblins watching them from behind a mossy rock. Anpago flies over to check them out. He thinks they can't see him, but they might be able to hear him (he sounds like a cross between a hummingbird and a Huey). He decides to cast Confusion on them. This causes an immediate outbreak of violence and random behavior among the goblins.
Hearing the sounds of conflict from behind the rock, the characters fly into confused action. Anpago flies overhead to watch the goblins chop each other to bits. Tonk draws his blade, runs at the rock, and yells, "Take a prisoner!" One goblin wanders away from the group, only to be cut down by Mebble.
Darg and Tonk find themselves standing around the goblin survivors, watching as they stand confused. Darg asks, "So, should we just capture them all, or kill all but one of them?" Tonk rather lazily gestures with his sword and offers, "Ohh, chop a couple of them down." Darg and Tonk trim the goblin numbers until only one remains. During this rather abattoir-like process, a second goblin breaks away from the group and tries to flee. Tonk rather dismissively comments, "I think our ranger will get that one." He trips and crushes one goblin, then disarms, trips and knocks out the one survivor. Mebble shoots the fleeing goblin in the back.
The goblins turn out to be carrying quite a bit of copper and silver and that's just about it. Tonk turns to interrogating the prisoner.
Anpago tries to Charm the goblin, who insults Anpago by resisting the spell. Anpago bitch-slaps the goblin, "Never. Do. That. Again." Tonk takes a different tack. He gives the goblin some ground rules: he'll be brought along, and if he deals well with the characters then they'll let him go and give him his silver and copper back. The goblin rather cleverly realizes that he has no choice, and agrees to this arrangement.
The third and fourth days of travel are totally uneventful. On the fifth night, Mebble sees another bobbing light in the darkness. He wakes everyone else. In spite of Anpago's enthusiasm, Tonk lays down the law: NOBODY goes to investigate the thing. The characters watch the will-o-wisp for a while. Then it goes away.
The next day, the characters come to a valley full of trees. The flying scouts take to the air to see more. They spot a large rift in the mountain to the North with a lake (Mawgrot claims that the Forbidden City lies in there). They see a large ship floating off the shore. It is large, blocky and equipped with a metalshod ram. It is also carefully covered so no light can get in. Hundreds of oars are rowing it to shore. Anpago tries flying out to take a closer look. He can't see anything, so he creates a Permanent Illusion of a raging dragon turtle head in its path. He is happy to see that the ship changes course.
The characters indulge in wild speculation on what might be on the ship. Tonk asks Sister Chiron why she thinks the goblins stole her boyfriend's body. She suspects that they want to use the body to create some kind of undead beast. Longfellow speculates that the covered ship might be crewed by undead. Others ask him why they would bother covering it, as skeletons don't care about light. Longfellow opines that maybe they have something nicer acting as bosun.
Covered ship or not, the characters head towards the rift. Anpago and Longfellow move out in front to scout. A bunch of giant wasps spots Longfellow. Longfellow drops down into the jungle to lose them. The wasps fly back into the rift while Anpago goes back to the group to report this exciting new development. The characters quickly realize that most of the rift is actually a ruined city. Sister Chiron indicates that her lover's body is somewhere in the middle of the city. Two sections of the city show some signs of occupation: a low rise in the marsh that is surrounded by a wooden fence, and a stone building in the city with a repaired roof. The characters find one huge tree that extends all the way up the edge of the rift. At that point, the rift cliffs are 350 feet high. The tree extends up to 325 feet. And its top branches are within 35 feet of the cliff edge. It would make a fine route down into the rift, except that Longfellow spots at least three goblins living in it.
Further scouting uncovers several other paths down: some rubble from an avalanche, a narrow path cut down the rock face, and a patch of heavy vines. The characters decide to establish camp, watch the covered ship (which is now sitting at anchor just off shore), and observe the night life of the Forbidden City.
It turns out that there just isn't a lot of activity in the Forbidden City at night. The giant wasps venture out to forage, then return to lairs on the cliffside near the rubble path. There is a lot more activity down on the beach. As soon as the sun has dropped below the horizon, gangplanks open out on the boat and formations of orcs come pouring out. They are organized in groups, and include womenfolk. A huge orc with terrible scars and only one eye is in charge. Tonk speculates that the single eye means he is a worshipper of the orc god Gruumsh. Teams of bearers with concealed palanquins come out of the ship. Anpago restrains himself from casting Confusion on the litter-bearers. The characters estimate that there are at least 350 to 400 orcs on the beach.
Anpago heads over to the great tree, interested to see how the local goblins react when they realize 350 orcs have just arrived. Longfellow and Mebble watch as the orcs reach the right-side cave opening and enter single file, the one-eyed orc and the palanquin at the head of the column. It takes them about twenty minutes to wind their way through the caves and head into the Forbidden City. They head northwest, marching down the street. They head towards the far corner of the city, where the cliff walls have collapsed into rubble. The goblins in the trees watch the orcs without a lot of alarm. The orcs march as if they were in a parade. They finally stop at a building in the north that is covered with trees and decorated with bas-reliefs of spiders and goblins.
An old, stooped, withered wise woman (orc) comes out of the palanquin. She enters the building. After a while, one orc emerges and talks to the scarred chieftain. He gives shouted orders to his lieutenants, whereupon the orcs move back into the city and set up camp.
The characters decide that there is nothing to do except to slaughter a lot of orcs, ideally in such a way as to not be slaughtered in turn. Everyone agrees that the best place to put this plan into practice is at the natural bottleneck of the caves, and that the key to forcing the orcs to react will be to set their ship on fire.
The session ends with the characters staring down at a tremendous collection of orcs, plotting their attack. Each character gains 775 experience points. This is enough for Longfellow to make it back to 5th level! He promptly picks up a fourth level of Druid.