Chris (Varth Lokkur), Ernest (Kurgash d'Tharashk), Peco (Solmar), Chuck (Graf) and Bruce (Grenville d'Tharashk) enjoy early-morning ritualistic behaviour heading out to catch a morning showing of Serenity. All agree that everyone must see this movie. They must see it again and again and again and again. Tim (Lungpuncture) staggers in later to say, "I almost feel like I should be at work now, but I'm here instead. And for some strange reason I'm thinking that Joss Whedon is my new master." And the Paul calls to gasp out, "What day is it? What am I supposed to be doing here? Who am I? For God's sake, please tell me who I am!" Everyone else is too busy calling out, "Norm! Kill! Faster, pussycat! Kill! Kill!" to notice.
Grenville d'Tharashk wakes up and asks the others, "Explain to me again: I'm on board an airship in Xen'drik now, you've just got back from killing a pile of drow, and we're searching for Part Five of the Mystic Dragonshard Keys to Destroy the World? But it won't do us any good because Logri Gundaloon is lost somewhere out in the jungle with the other four pieces?"
Graf grunts, "Yeah. That's pretty close."
Kurgash offers, "Maybe we could go back to Stormreach on the North coast and see if he's made it back there?"
Varth Lokkur mentions, "And the captain of the airship we're in is being a real pussy about landing. He keeps complaining about the drow being able to shoot him down with boomerangs."
Lungpuncture points out, "But the boomerang isn't that effective! It's just a terror weapon. And I have mites on my peter."
Kurgash shudders, "Don't tell us that stuff. And yes, those things did do a pretty good job of terrifying the warlock. He was all 'Not me! Not me!' when those things were flying."
Grenville quickly figures out that giants built the temple the characters are hovering over. He also learns that the place includes a portal to the realm of Dal'Quor. He very much appreciates that the others were willing to simply tell him this knowledge, rather than letting him experiment with it on his own. The kingdom that originally built the place was destroyed some 40,000 years ago.
The characters debate how to deal with Logri Gundaloon and his gang when they show up to spark off the apocalypse. Kurgash points out, "For an ambush, I like the way the drow did it. Going up the big stairs is tough for humans, and should be even harder for dwarfs. And the elf-sized stairs really channelize a body."
The eventual plan is to lurk up on the temple platform, waiting for the dwarfs to show up. Varth insists that he should stand out in the midst of the killing ground, completely exposed, but the others persuade him that he should either fly above the battlefield or remain hidden.
The characters see a group of dwarfs emerge from the jungle. One of them is riding a rhinoceros. Of course, none of the characters have ever seen a rhinoceros before so they come up with a series of rather wild theories: "A demon-pig! A horn-monster! A giant snout-thing!"
The characters retain quite optimistic hopes of remaining hidden from the approaching dwarfs, except that even the most pathetic dwarf has a +8 Spot bonus. The dwarf on the rhinoceros calls out, "We don't have to fight! I would be happy to share the benefits with everyone!"
Grenville asks, "What are the benefits?"
The dwarf is upbeat, "Eternal life!"
Lungpuncture announces, "I switch sides!"
Grenville ignores him, "What do we need to do?"
The dwarf is cagey, "I think I'll keep that secret to myself until I have all the dragonshards. We're not retarded!"
Varth suggests, "Perhaps you could come inside to talk about it?"
Kurgash decides to put an end to the debate by announcing, "Oh heck, I shoot the guy on the rhino."
Varth realizes that he agrees, "You know, there's things to do in Denver when you're dead. I shoot him too."
Graf shoots the rhino. The arrow bounces off an invisible barrier well short of the target. Graf complains, "No fair with the invisible barriers!" Cutter Gerald's bolt and Kurgash's arrow do the same. The characters deduce that the dwarfs are protected by a Wall of Force.
Meanwhile, the dwarfs hold position while the rhino-rider and his black-armored lieutenant cast spells upon themselves. The characters curse about the unfairness of NPC's actually using their magic intelligently, rather than simply allowing themselves to be butchered by the PC's.
The characters watch as the black-armored dwarf crushes a gem and summons an Earth Elemental. The elemental sinks into the ground on the dwarf's orders.
Varth casts Invisibility on himself and flies up into the sky. Grenville remembers that he's got a wand of Invisibility, so he makes Kurgash invisible too. And then the elemental comes up out of the ground to attack Solmar. Solmar staggers back, groaning, "I'm in pain! And he smells so terribly, terribly loamy!" The others see that the dwarfs are moving up to attack.
The rhino-riding dwarf flings a Fireball straight at Graf and Doc. Solmar responds with an Empowered Shocking Grasp at the earth elemental. Both Lungpuncture and Varth Lokkur fly straight at the dwarfs. Zooom! Varth unleashes an eldritch blast at the rhinoceros-riding dwarf and discovers that the guy has a trick going to let him ignore it completely. Grenville throws a Glitterdust and watches with dismay as the spell is also absorbed by the rhinoceros-riding dwarf's defensive effect.
Kurgash goes into a rage and bull rushes the earth elemental, knocking it down the stairs. It rushes back at him. It grunts out in Terran, "I'm back in your face, bey-otch, 'cause I'm an earth elemental!"
Varth gets all weepy, "It misses you! Awww!"
It misses him to the tune of fifteen points of damage. Kurgash feels weepy, but for completely different reasons.
The dwarf minions open up with crossbows on Varth Lokkur. One of them plinks him for two points of damage. He mocks them, "You call that a knife?"
The black-armored dwarf casts a spell at Lungpuncture, who saves easily. Grenville misinterprets the spell and gasps, "That was Power Word Kill! He must be a 20th level caster! You are the luckiest dwarf alive!"
The characters are totally amazed to watch the rhinoceros-riding dwarf use Wall of Stone to create a ramp up the giant-sized stairs. Grenville is amazed, "That's totally cool! That's unbelievable! How is it that he gets useful magic, when all I can do is make pretty music and twist the minds of those around me."
Solmar steps up to the top of the ramp, turns around, and moons the onrushing dwarfs. It turns out he's got a Symbol of Sleep tattooed on his butt. Graf moans, "I wish you'd tell us about this sort of thing before you did it."
Varth offers, "I'm amazed he was able to do that! The skill needed to tattoo anything on our own ass, much less anything legible, is really amazing."
Lungpuncture mentions, "This can't be healthy: the material components for that spell include mercury and phosphorous!"
Kurgash points out, "And I think that Solmar is roleplaying the effects of that quite effectively."
Four dwarfs (including the bare-chested sergeant) fall asleep, leaving only one up beyond the mage and the cleric. Lungpuncture and Varth quickly fly down to slash and blast away at the remaining dwarf soldier.
Kurgash goes bananas on the earth elemental, breaking him into rocks. Kurgash shrieks and waves his axe around in triumph.
The rhinoceros charges straight up the ramp and into Solmar's backside. Solmar has a unique perspective from which to realize that the rhinoceros is actually a zombie rhinoceros. Solmar collapses.
The rider of the rhinoceros lobs a Fireball off to the side to char Kurgash and Grenville. In response, Kurgash charges the rhino, only to get a Lightning Bolt in the face for his trouble.
Lungpuncture notices that the dwarf cleric fighting Graf is in terribly poor shape, so he storms up behind him and stabs him in the guts. The dwarf cleric tumbles down, much to Graf's alarm. The warforged howls, "Aaah! He's growing spikes!"
Graf steps away from the body of the dwarf cleric to attack the mage on the rhinoceros, cutting him up a bit. Grenville tries to stab the dwarf mage as well, and discovers that the guy has enough DR to render his attack basically useless.
Then the mage and the rhinoceros turn to attack Graf, while the mage throws another Lightning Bolt at Varth. Varth complains, "Why is he attacking me? I haven't managed to hurt anything!" For his next trick, the mage Gundaloon casts an Ice Storm centered on himself. Solmar is killed. Varth is merely knocked out.
Grenville crawls back into the scene to heal Varth, just in time to see Kurgash smash into Gundaloon and Gundaloon nail Kurgash with a Cone of Cold. Kurgash staggers, but stays up. Then Lungpuncture hits Gundaloon one last time and knocks him down.
Varth notices that the rhino is still up, so he grabs Grenville and brings him up to the roof of the temple. Graf attacks the rhino, but doesn't completely destroy it. From the safety of the temple roof, Grenville tries a Scorching Ray on the rhino. Foom! The spell fizzles against the rhino's Minor Globe of Invulnerability. Varth tries a maximized eldritch blast instead. Foom! Same problem. Varth curses in warlock-speech. Grenville feels hairs on the back of his neck turning gray.
The rhino gets one last attempt to pummel Graf before Graf strikes back and destroys it.
Kurgash falls out of his rage, then falls over from exhaustion. When he recovers, he recognizes that Gundaloon is actually still alive, and the others are paying no attention to the severe potential problems that would ensue were he to wake up. Kurgash locks Gundaloon up in masterwork manacles. With Gundaloon under control, the characters turn to looting the dead and the captured. They turn up:
Kurgash makes a point of removing all spell components from Gundaloon, and then shaving him. There is a brief attempt to interrogate Gundaloon that ends with Kurgash head-butting Gundaloon and gagging him again. Lungpuncture proposes to use Augury to see if letting Gundaloon do his eternal-life thing would be a good idea. The ghost of Solmar points out, "But we don't exactly trust your gods."
Varth asks Lungpuncture, "Who do you worship, anyway?"
Lungpuncture hesitates, "Uhhh... the Sovereign Host?"
Varth comments, "You say that as if you don't really believe it."
Graf scotches the plan with an unwelcome dose of reality, "By the way, don't you realize that Augury can only see about a half hour into the future?"
Lungpuncture curses, "Sometimes, I just hate my gods."
The airship journey back to Sharn takes four days, with the prisoners. Kurgash guards them, which means they're tied up and beaten them every three hours.
Grenville makes himself a Bardic Knowledge attempt to figure out what the relics might actually do. He remembers that the Giants of Xen'drik made things that the magicians of today cannot duplicate. Magic items that stop aging are considered to be artifact-level magic these days. It is possible that Gundaloon's things could do what he claims they do.
The characters decide that if they hand the artifacts over to the elves they'll bury the things forever. Altogether this seems like the safest idea. However, the characters aren't above sending Grenville in to talk to the elves and get more money. He starts by asking for 30,000, hoping that he can get 24,000 total, plus a free Raise Dead for Solmar. Then he rolls a 44 for his Diplomacy roll. He walks out with 30,000, the Raise Dead, and unspecified personal favors. He tells the others, "Okay! That's five grand each! Plus, Solmar gets to live again!"
And then comes the Identify frenzy. The items turn out to be:
| Item |
Disposition |
|---|---|
| Dwarven War Axe +1 | Sell |
| Bracers of Armor +2 | Sell |
| Ring of Protection +2 | Kurgash |
| Amulet of Persistent Area | Lungpuncture |
| Potion of Shield of Faith +3 | Varth |
| Scorpion-armor Breast plate +1 | Varth |
| Three sets of Drow Chitin Armor +1 | Sell |
| Glyph Book | Bar decorations |
| Two tapestries | Bar decorations |
| Various chitinous drow bits like zoomerangs | Bar decorations |
| Brass star with amethysts (400 gold) |
Sell |
| Small silver bowl (200 gold) | Sell |
| Chunks of silver (500 gold total) | Sell |
The Amulet of Persistent Area allows area spells to follow the bearer.
Grenville sells everything. He gets 115% of base price for the brass star and the silver bowl, plus 500 gold for the silver chunks, totaling 1190 gold. The various +1 armors each have a base value of 1000 gold plus armor value. The +1 weapon has a 2000 gold base value, and the +2 bracers have a 4000 gold base value. Three sets of armor, plus Varth's old armor at 1000 gold, plus one weapon, plus one bracer comes to a 10,000 gold base value. Grenville manages to sell the magical items for 55% of base, value, amounting to 5500 gold.
Each of the five Swords of Liberty prisoners the characters took brings the characters a 100 gold reward.
The total take is 7190 gold. Each share is worth1198 gold, 3 silver, and 3 copper. Kurgash tips the silver and copper to Grenville.
Each of the 7th level characters gains 1867 experience points. Grenville makes 8th level and picks up Bard 5. His cohort Cutter Gerald, no longer capped by Grenville's level, goes up to Rogue 6.
Each of the 8th level characters gains 1533 experience points.