Ernest (Kurgash d'Tharashk) explains that he's been spending a lot of quality time reading about the Georgia runaway bride's original story to the cops. He notes, "She sounds like she's real repressed. Real repressed." Chris (Thaiphong) replies, "Yeah. That would be one explanation. There are several others." Peco (Solmar) stoically refuses to say anything. Chuck (Graf) chirps up, "Can I roll my hit points now? Please? Pleeease?" Paul grudgingly agrees that he can. Bruce (Grenville d'Tharashk) looks around anxiously to see if Tim (Lungpuncture) is going to put in an appearance.
The characters have found themselves in possession of quite a bit of high-quality loot taken from the Ministry of Winds.
| Item | Claimed By | Qty | Value Ea | Sale Rate | Sale Price |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 7549 copper coins | 7549 | 0.01 | 1 | 75.49 | |
| 3922 silver coins | 3922 | 0.1 | 1 | 392.2 | |
| 1210 gold coins | 1210 | 1 | 1 | 1210 | |
| Gemstone | 1 | 800 | 1 | 800 | |
| Gemstone | 1 | 400 | 1 | 400 | |
| Gemstone | 1 | 350 | 1 | 350 | |
| Gemstone | 1 | 300 | 1 | 300 | |
| Gemstone | 1 | 175 | 1 | 175 | |
| Gemstone | 1 | 90 | 1 | 90 | |
| Gemstone | 1 | 50 | 1 | 50 | |
| Gemstone | 1 | 10 | 1 | 10 | |
| Wind Wall scroll (div) | Lungpuncture | 1 | |||
| Dark blue vase | Fallen Angel furnishing | 50 | 1 | 0.56 | 28 |
| Ebony bird figurine | Mended to bring to full value | 300 | 1 | 0.56 | 168 |
| masterwork heavy flail | 315 | 1 | 0.56 | 176.4 | |
| 2 vials of holy water | Lungpuncture | 2 | |||
| 3 smokesticks | Thaiphong, Kurgash, Lungpuncture | 3 | |||
| Ring of Protection +1 | Kurgash | 1 | |||
| Gust of Wind scroll | Grenville | 1 | |||
| See Invisibility scroll | Grenville | 1 | |||
| Fly scroll | Grenville | 1 | |||
| +1 Heavy Mace | 1 | 2312 | 0.52 | 1202.24 | |
| 2 potions | Kurgash | 2 | |||
| Masterwork plate armor | 1 | 1650 | 0.56 | 924 | |
| Large steel shield | 20 | 1 | 0.56 | 11.2 | |
| Short bow | 30 | 1 | 0.56 | 16.8 | |
| 10 arrows | 0.5 | 1 | 0.56 | 0.28 | |
| Color Spray scroll | Grenville | 1 | |||
| Cure Light Wounds potion | Solmar | 1 | |||
| +1 Spiked Chain | 2325 | 2325 | 0.52 | 1209 | |
| Lady Varania's payment | 5000 gold | 5000 | 1 | 1 | 5000 |
| +1 Studded Leather | Thaiphong | 1 | 1175 | 0 | 0 |
| +1 Buckler | From Kurgash, to Solmar | 1 | |||
| -220 gold expenses | 2 Identify, 1 Mend | 1 | -220 | 1 | -220 |
| Total | 12368.61 | ||||
| Characters | 5 | ||||
| Share Value | 2473.722 |
200 gold pays for Identify attempts on the magic ring and the heavy mace. Shares for the survivors work out to 2473 gold, 7 silver and 2 copper each.
Doc Lungpuncture promptly burns 3000 gold raising the armor enchantment on his body from +1 to +2.
It is at this point that a homeless warforged fighter wanders into the Fallen Angel looking for work. This is enough to scare Secheck off forever. There are some regulars in the establishment, including that one guy who shows up and stares into the sun for hours every day. Thaiphong glances at him and asks, "Does he have eyes?"
Grenville d'Tharashk reassures him, "Yes, yes he does. But he doesn't make much sense when he talks."
Thaiphong replies, "You're a good one to be making that kind of comment."
Lungpuncture interrupts to tell them, "I just hired a new warforged. He'll do puppet shows. And he can murder an entire battalion if we need him to."
Kurgash d'Tharashk decides that simply hiring the guy on the word of the possibly-deranged warforged medic is a bit much. He volunteers to conduct the job interview. Nobody else hates life enough to object.
Kurgash takes a long, careful look at Graf and asks, "What kind of warforged are you? The regular kind or the wussy cleric kind?"
Graf replies, "The regular kind."
WHAM! Kurgash decks him.
Grenville promptly tries a Sense Motive on the warforged. "How's he feeling right now?" He finds that it is surprisingly hard to read the emotions of a mechanical horror with a cold-wrought face.
Thaiphong rolls his eyes and asks the bard, "Isn't it a bit early in the session for you to be doing this kind of thing? What, are you going to be trying to divine the motivations of the teapot next? You realize that I depend upon you to display at least a few minutes of lucidity at the beginning of the game?"
Grenville defends himself, "Hey! I just spent a lot of effort selling off all our loot! Getting out-dealt by the marketplace traders is very tiring!"
Lungpuncture pitches in, "Yeah, about that. I thought you were supposed to be some kind of master negotiator. What's with that string of terrible Bluff and Diplomacy rolls?"
Grenville pulls something round and drippy from his satchel and waves it around in front of Lungpuncture. "Mouse head! Severed mouse head! Go fetch! Whoop! Whoop! Mouse head!" He throws the thing down the corridor, then watches as Lungpuncture loses all composure to stomp after it.
Back in the interview, Graf finds himself hard-pressed to respond to Kurgash's question: he has an armblade on one arm, and a bucket of lard in the other. He decides to go with the lard. He swings it at the orc, but swings wide.
Kurgash scolds him, "You're going to fail the interview!" WHAM! Headbutt!
Graf sucks it up and slams back. This time, Kurgash goes reeling back into a wall. The two of them continue beating on each other for a while. Then Grenville hires him.
Graf explains that he has a fully-charged wand of Repair Light Damage. He can't use it, but he wants one of the other group members to carry it. Solmar volunteers.
Graf explains that he was created in the Cyre creation forge in the late days of the war. He was trained as a shock trooper and sent to the front with the other members of his unit. The lot of them got a bit side-tracked when the guy carrying the map got killed. Years later, Graf trekked out of the Mournland to that the war was over and his home nation was completely destroyed. He arrived in Sharn only days ago.
Kurgash puts Ashe's ashes into the dark blue vase taken from the Ministry of Winds. He sets the vase up in a simple shrine in the Fallen Angel. Ashe's raven familiar perches on it forlornly. Occasionally it utters a mournful cry that could almost be, "Nevermore..."
Secheck tells the others that he has joined a local crime syndicate. But before he leaves forever for the glamorous life of the small-time hoodlum he tells the characters that his new gang-mates have a job for them if they're interested. He's signing up with the Jungle Boys. They are led by an ruffian named Tree Viper and live as outlaws in the King's Forests. The Night Rangers have tangled with them more than once, but haven't managed to capture their leader or stop their marauding.
It turns out that the Jungle Boys have abandoned a whole base because it's infested with harpies. They are willing to pay 3000 gold plus whatever the characters can pull out of the place if they can only get rid of the harpies. For a moment it looks like the Jungle Boys have authorized Secheck to negotiate with Grenville for them. Grenville thinks, "They must be kidding! I think 3000 is a bit light. I want 5000. Plus your boots." And then it turns out that the Jungle Boys did authorize Secheck to negotiate.
Grenville talks Secheck up to 3500 gold. And a map to the place. And his boots. Grenville sends a letter along to Abbraxas explaining the contract and promising to send along his 40% cut later on.
Thaiphong tells Grenville, "Hey, you realize we're going to travel out into the jungle? Do you know just how many types of poisonous snakes live out there? And that's without even mentioning the toxic lung-creepers and the venomous fungus beds." Grenville shudders as he purchases a six-pack of antitoxin elixirs for 300 gold. For good measure, he commissions Solmar to make two Scorching Ray scrolls for 450 gold.
He also buys some food. Everyone else also stocks up on supplies, but Grenville is far too panicked by the idea of venturing into the forbidding jungles to keep track of what they're purchasing. So he has no idea that Graf is heading out into the wilderness equipped only with a duffel bag full of lacy undergarments and sock puppets.
The characters follow the map into the King's Woods. Kurgash tells the others, "Nobody touch nuthin'! If we kill anything, then technically we're poachers! Though I'm not really sure if harpies count."
Thaiphong adds, "Yeah, that'll look good later on. Case D-728! Convicted of slaying forest creatures for carnal purposes! Next!"
Kurgash offers, "We can say we were just following Grenville's orders."
Solmar suggests, "He used his magic to bewitch us and make us horny!"
Grenville shudders.
The characters rather brazenly walk right up to the hideout. Two harpies appear and start singing. Solmar and Grenville both end up enthralled by the harpy's song.
Lungpuncture swiftly casts Fly upon Kurgash. The orc takes to the air and delivers what he describes as an "ultra-hack" upon the bird-chippie.
Thaiphong screams up at him, "Goddamn! Wear pants! Wear pants!"
Kurgash is clearly off-balance, as the harpy is still alive after his attack.
Thaiphong sends an arrow clean into the wounded harpy's wish-bone. He dances around, singing, "Boo-yaa! I am the fuzzy-wuzzy MAN!"
Graf comes up behind the enthralled Grenville and tries to whack him in the head. He misses. He tells Grenville, "You're lucky I wasn't trying to kill you." Grenville gives no sign of being aware that Graf is even there.
And then the second harpy starts to sing. Lungpuncture falls under the harpy's spell. Kurgash notes, "Isn't it strange that the stupidest parts of the group are still up, but all the high-Will magician types are totally enthralled?" His soliloquy is interrupted as the harpy he slashed attacks him with club and claw. He grins, "Come get some..." She scratches him silly. In return, Kurgash lops her dirty dumplings off. Surprisingly, she survives.
Thaiphong's next arrow goes wide. The harpy responds by flapping down and giving him such a scratching.
In the background, Lungpuncture haplessly staggers around, enraptured in love. He gasps, "Slow down, my chicken-legged love!"
Kurgash finally whacks his harpy. Harpy parts go everywhere. A moment later, Thaiphong finally manages to hit a harpy with a poisoned arrow. The creature makes a strangled sound and falls down.
Now that Grenville is no longer enthralled, Graf slams him in the face with a shield.
Kurgash quickly flies up the path to flush out any other harpies. He finds none. The others search the harpies with sticks. Thaiphong finds two sets of bracers. Solmar verifies that they are magical. The characters put them in a bag and carry on.
At the hideout location, the characters see nothing but a bunch of trees. Truly enormous trees. Lungpuncture is the only one to think of looking up. He realizes that there is a structure built into the trunk of a tree above him. "Uh-oh. Ewok village."
The lowest level of the place is built 140 feet up above the ground. The characters suggest various plans to get up there. Kurgash wants to just free-climb up, with Thaiphong at his side.
Lungpuncture offers, "I could summon a celestial hippogriff! Or a fiendish bat!"
Kurgash replies, "Thanks, but I'm not hungry right now."
Kurgash and Thaiphong start the dead climb. Thaiphong isn't able to make it, but Kurgash shimmies right up to the lowest level of the structure. He runs into trouble when he realizes there are no visible doors in any of the walls. He starts chopping at the walls until he makes himself an orc-sized hole in the floor. A bit of tattered cloth falls past him. He ignores it as he clambers inside. He finds himself in a wedge-shaped room that contains little of interest except a chewed hole in the wall.
Back on the ground, the long pointless debate endures. Graf twitches in exasperation and cries out, "Grenville, look for rope!" Grenville concentrates for a moment and then reports that there is rope available on the top level of the compound. More debate follows, none of it going anywhere. Grenville finally loses patience, casts Fly with a scroll, and goes to get the rope. Lungpuncture watches him go, then mentions to Thaiphong, "I do believe that our bard is going off to get himself killed. Who would have thought that he had that much spine?"
Thaiphong replies, "Darn you! Darn you to heck! If you hadn't put up such foolish objections to my brilliant plans, then Grenville would never have gotten killed!"
Lungpuncture objects, "But he's not dead! Look, he's up there flying in circles around the top of the tree! I think he's looking for something!"
Graf starts making a puppet out of some of the cloth that fell from Kurgash's hole.
Lungpuncture tries to resume the argument, "I can summon a celestial hippogriff!"
Thaiphong growls, "Stow it. Wait until the bard gets himself fuckin' killed."
Grenville flies silently up to a hatch. The harpy inside hears him. Grenville tries to sneak inside, but comes face to face with the creature. The harpy lets out a mind-absorbing verse. Grenville reflexively launches into countersong and zooms back down to the bottom of the tree.
Graf observes this little drama and tells the others, "You guys said he was a coward, but he went up there all alone."
Grenville flies right up to Kurgash, obviously expecting help from the orc. Kurgash screams in his face, "Grenville, you are hereby forbidden to go out of my sight. Wait, I've got something for you." He drops a thunderstone. Grenville is deafened. Now immune to harpy song, Grenville heads back to the top.
Grenville flies into a semicircular room at the top of the tree. He finds a single harpy inside. Grenville draws his sword, then ponders, "What's all this rust-like stuff on the blade?" Grenville gets clubbed twice, but then cuts the creature. Realizing that he is in a fight he cannot win, he elects to flee. Again. He flies towards the ground, screaming as he goes.
Lungpuncture tells Thaiphong, "Screw it. I'm summoning the hippogriff. Do you want to go to the top, or to join Kurgash?"
Thaiphong, "Well, the bard's deaf so we're going to the top."
Lungpuncture casts Silence on Graf then summons a celestial hippogriff. He orders it, "Take me and the bugbear up to the next-highest structure on the tree. Then move back down and collect the orc from the lowest level and bring him to us. If you encounter a harpy on the way, engage only if you are not encumbered by your passengers. If I give a three-fingered signal thuswise, then immediately break off and attack the harpy closest to me. But, if I counter the three-fingered signal with the bill of my cap just so, that means you should instead squawk as loudly as you can and attack the biggest harpy you can see. However..." Lungpuncture's voice trails off as he realizes that the hippogriff is staring at him stupidly, clearly not understanding a word he's said.
Lungpuncture stops issuing complicated commands and starts screaming. He finally manages to scream loud enough to convince the creature that it should grab Thaiphong and Graf and go for the hole in the lowest level. It makes it in one round. Thaiphong yells, "Hold on!"
Kurgash gets really upset and drinks his Levitate potion. Grenville flies down next to Kurgash for safety. His harpy clubs him again, then retreats back to the top.
Everyone eventually finds themselves in the cloakroom on the lowest level of the compound. The place is buried in a thick smell of waste and musk. There are small holes chewed in the wall. Lungpuncture comments, "I'd point out that we're all standing next to a guy under a Silence spell so we can't actually bitch each other out."
Thaiphong silently grumbles, "We are all soooo retarded."
Solmar searches through the debris. Collections of dire rats come piling out of the refuse all around everyone. Thaiphong joyfully cries out, "We can make sandwiches!"
A dire rat bites Graf and breaks a tooth. Graf chops it into pieces.
Kurgash storms out, "Kick-murder!" He kicks a dire rat to death. Then he cleaves. With his foot.
Thaiphong asks, "What takes a peaceful creature like a rat and turns it into a mad-dog killer?"
Lungpuncture replies, "Druids"
Solmar decides that now would be a good time to use his wand of Burning Hands. He crisps one rat, but also manages to char Grenville and Thaiphong. Lungpuncture foregoes attacking a rat in favor of decking Solmar.
Thaiphong yells, "Get away from the rats! They set you on fire! Those harpies must be wondering what the hell all this is about." He kills a rat. The other rats fail to hit him.
Kurgash reassures the bugbear, "Your nut-sack is safe for the time being."
A rat bites Solmar and infects him with disease. Graf points out, "That's what they call 'karma'. If it were really fair, he'd get a burning disease."
Thaiphong sings, "You give me fever, when you kiss me! Fever when you ho-old me tight! Fever!"
Grenville objects, "Hey, stop that! That's my schtick, and you're making me feel embarrassed!"
Kurgash continues to stomp rats. He is thinking fondly of his tribe's annual Rat Festival, when they'd let dire nutria loose in the main feast hall and let the tribe's warriors stomp them all to death. Kurgash body-slams the last rat. He stands back up to display a squealing, squirming, dying rat impaled on his armor spikes.
Lungpuncture collects the diseased dead rat carcasses and put them in his backpack.
Kurgash kicks open the next door and throws a dead rat inside. He finds that he's in a kitchen. He and Thaiphong promptly search for Scooby-snacks. They find nothing even they consider edible.
The characters take the ladder up to the roof of the lowest section. Kurgash shimmies up the next twenty feet and lets down some rope that Thaiphong hands him. By this time, the characters have come to realize that the only entry to the various sections of the treehouse is on the top. Nobody understands how the rogues of the Jungle Boys survive, or how they think. Grenville comments, "So the entry exam for this gang is to get your brain corkscrewed?"
The second level is full of rot and decay. The characters do manage to find several chests and boxes, plus 150 gold worth of coins and small gems. The boxes turn out to contain mundane goods, clothing, cloth, travel rations, backpacks, and other adventuring gear but not a bit of rope.
Then four harpies break through the door and start singing. Amazingly, Lungpuncture is unaffected by all four songs. The only thing that saves Grenville is the fact that he's still deaf. Thaiphong squeals, "My initiative is 26! Eat me first! I don't want to live!"
Thaiphong staggers towards harpy number one with a glazed look on his face. Kurgash staggers right after him, murmuring, "Mom!"
Lungpuncture decides that his best option is to attack the dwarf. As usual. He misses.
Grenville attempts a countersong. Sadly, he's still deaf so he only manages to croak out a few unmusical notes. Nobody is impressed.
Lungpuncture decides that now would be a good time for a Prayer.
By now, one of the harpies is starting to chew on Solmar. He protests, "Why are you hurting me, Mommy?"
Finally, Grenville manages to countersong successfully. He tells the others, "Everyone gets a new save, or you can just take a 28."
Kurgash opines, "I'll take the 28."
Thaiphong suddenly finds that he's a big fan of Grenville. He tells the others, "He sounds like Whitney Houston. The drug-abusing Whitney Houston." He turns to the harpy and scowls, "You're not my Mom! I cut you!"
Kurgash screams, "Death to the bitch-whore! Death to the demoness Allegra Geller!" He chops a harpy up badly enough that she notices.
Graf is still clearly a bit distracted. He breathes out, "Your chicken-udders are so lovely." He stabs the floor rather than the harpy.
Then Solmar loses some intestines to a particularly deep set of harpy claw-strikes. He protests, "Give those back! I need them!" Lungpuncture walks by to cast Cure Moderate Wounds on him. He instructs the dwarf to push the bits of intestine back into his chest cavity as quick as he can, before the skin seals over.
Kurgash chops a harpy into five pieces, then turns around to kill a second one. "I owe it all to my rage! Ararwargg!"
The one surviving harpy drinks a potion and heals all the damage Graf just inflicted. In response, Solmar True Strikes the harpy with his long spear. Then Kurgash finishes it.
These harpies are not wearing bracers, but one has a nice-looking necklace. It initially looks like a simple set of beads on a chain, but when touched its appearance changes to that of a golden chain hung with several golden spheres. Solmar is very happy. He tells the others, "Oooh! A Necklace of Fireballs!" He thinks it is a Type I necklace, worth 1650 gold.
Thaiphong cautions, "Don't let it go to the dwarf!"
Lungpuncture offers, "Maybe we give it to the bard."
Thaiphong reflects, "He has a better record, but not by much. I think I keep it." Lungpuncture agrees, "Okay, we give it to the bugbear."
The necklace includes three spheres. One inflicts 5d6 damage; the others are smaller and inflict only 3d6 damage each. The spheres have a 70 foot range, explode with a 20 foot radius, and inflict only half damage on a DC 14 Reflex save.
Grenville continues singing as the characters go from room to room. They find four nests of broken chairs and fouled clothing in the new room. Solmar finds three potions.
Before the characters go into the next room, Solmar casts Spectral Hand. The next room proves to contain smashed pottery, ripped bandages and whatnot. A horrible smell drifts from some ripped poultices.
The third room, the last room on the second level, contains two large nests. Otherwise the place is full of broken bunk beds. Everyone stuffs wax into their ears and spends a lot of time roleplaying deafness.
The characters break into the third level to find a harpy and her nest in the room. Plus some other things. Graf storms the harpy while Solmar uses his Spectral Hand to not quite hit the harpy with Shocking Grasp. For a change, Grenville manages to turn on the countersong before the harpy starts her song. The characters laugh at her feeble auditory powers.
Then the dire rats come pouring in. Thaiphong asks, "What's up with all the rats? Does she control these things?"
Lungpuncture offers, "This is Eberron. Maybe she's a harpy druid!"
Thaiphong replies, "I don't think so. Druids are normally so ineffectual, and these harpies seem to have a gift for bringing out our native incompetence."
Kurgash ignores them as he ends the harpy. Lungpuncture follows up and starts killing rats. He is just in time to watch another harpy fly in while singing inspiring courage. Lungpuncture is baffled, "She's singing to the rats? I don't believe it."
Kurgash takes a rat bite, then grapples the harpy. Lungpuncture notes, "That's gotta hurt, what with the berserking and the spiking and all."
The harpy slips from Kurgash's grasp. Kurgash compliments her, "Oooh, wily."
Lungpuncture casts Bless.
Graf devotes himself to killing rats. So does Thaiphong. And Solmar finally manages to pull off his Spectral Hand trick against the harpy. The scent of burning feathers fills the room. Kurgash is so enthralled by the sight that he gets a rat bite and contracts rat fever.
Kurgash finally manages to grapple the harpy. He howls out, "Here comes the sexin' to death. I do fourteen points of spike-lovin' damage! Next time I'll power attack! Uhhh!"
Everyone other than Kurgash kills lots of rats. Most of them do their best to ignore the things that Kurgash says. Except for Solmar, who delivers a second Shocking Grasp to the harpy. More smoking feathers, but the harpy survives the experience.
Kurgash finally finishes the harpy. He stands up having lost the larger portion of his hit points and covered with harpy bits.
The characters search the dead harpies. The one who had all the rats was carrying a set of pipes with a little rat symbol on them, plus a ring and a potion. Lungpuncture puts the ring on. It doesn't do anything obvious. Everyone figures out that the pipes are Pipes of the Sewers. There is wide agreement that they should go to Grenville.
Graf makes it into the next room. He finds nothing in it except a single iron-bound chest. The characters' various attempts to open the chest are violent and clumsy. Eventually, they manage to smash it to flinders. Inside, they find six smashed potions and ten small rubies worth 20 gold each.
The last room on the third level is clean, furnished with a table and four chairs. It contains nothing of special value.
The characters clamber up into the final level to find that there is nothing left alive inside. The place is just a storage room and lookout post. The storage room contains all sorts of things, including three huge coils of rope on top of stacked barrels full of water. And three fifteen-foot silk ropes.
The characters go back through the compound searching for valuables they missed the first time around. They pick up 200 gold more in a nest, plus four polished stones worth five gold each. Magical objects retrieved include a potion, a Quaal's Feather Token with a tree on it, and a set of Eyes of the Eagle.
Thaiphong goes against his earlier advice and gives the Necklace of Fireballs to Solmar. Grenville uses his two available Prestidigitation spells to clean up some of the hideout.
The characters make the long trek back to town. On the way back Kurgash and Solmar start to show signs of rat sickness. Once the characters are back, Lungpuncture waits until he sees actual symptoms of filth fever and dire diarrhea then prays for Cure Disease and fixes the two of them up.
Secheck shows up and pays the characters as promised. The total take from the adventure includes:
The cash equivalents total out to 4070 gold. Each character gets a 445 gold piece share.
Grenville gets a bad deal on the Bracers of Armor +1. He sells them for 700 gold and some magic beans. This money gets plowed back into the bar, with the idea of using it to let Solmar make some homunculi next level.
Thaiphong gives Kurgash his magic telescope.
Grenville commissions Solmar to make him a Circlet of Persuasion, which provides a +3 competence bonus to his Charisma-based skill checks.
Each of the fourth level characters get 2100 experience points, while the fifth level characters gain 1840 experience points. Grenville celebrates his ascension to sixth level and another level of Dragonmark Heir.