Paul announces, "Is everyone ready to attack the temple?" Ernest (Kurgash) boggles, "There's a temple? What happened last time?" Chuck (Graf) asks, "Does everyone have Two-Weapon Defensive Fighting? It's really helpful, if you use two weapons!" Patrick (Elyandre) pouts, "I use two weapons, but I don't have it. Awww..." Chris (Varth Lokkur) offers, "I don't know anything about weapons, but I think the temple features all sorts of prismatic things. Those could be kinds of weapons." Tim (Lungpuncture) just scowls. Chris responds by humming Christmas carols under his breath. Georgina ignores him in favor of the cats and their attention-hungry antics.
Then Matt (Munaak) knocks on the door and brings the crowd back to reality. But only briefly, because Bruce (Grenville d'Tharashk) is in charge of writing history around here. Peco (Solmar) thinks, "How is it that I manage to be the most reality-oriented person in this group every time?"
The characters put their heads together to figure out what kind of preparations are needed to teleport into the Temple of Agonizing Prismatic Lava. Lungpuncture proposes, "I think I should prepare a lot of Protection from Energy and Resist Energy spells. They can protect us from fire!" Everyone agrees. Except for Graf, who points out, "I am constructed to last, unlike the rest of you meat-beings! I do not require additional protection!"
Lungpuncture very gently points out, "Guy, most of you is made out of balsa wood. The armor plating over it is just for show. Lava will burn you just like everyone else." Graf seems crestfallen.
Both Varth Lokkur and Grenville d'Tharashk head over to the Cross-Sharn Mall to buy scrolls and potions. They find everything they were looking for, but it takes forever because they find themselves dealing with a salesgirl who's working for 2 silver an hour and doesn't know where anything is stocked. She also tends to use "like" as every other word, which impedes comprehension.
Lungpuncture suggests that he should cast a Hallow on the mobile spell charm he carries. On the minus side this will cost 5000 gold and take him 24 hours. On the plus side it will give everyone a Protection from Evil effect and ward off evil mind-control effects. Everyone glances over towards Kurgash, shudders once, and reaches into their purses for the money.
Munaak points out that the characters should equip themselves with plenty of Bless Weapon scrolls. Appropriately blessed weapons will bypass the Damage Resistance of evil beings, which could come in really handy in a battle against swarms of evil outsider devil-things. Grenville proclaims, "Back to the mall!" Sadly, the mall shop seems to be out of Bless Weapon scrolls: scroll-writing Paladins are hard to find.
Lungpuncture casts Protection from Energy for fire on himself, Graf, Kurgash and Elyandre, then Resist Energy on everyone else (except Cutter Gerald). Grenville uses his Protection from Energy scroll to protect his own minion. Everyone within forty feet of Elyandre enjoys Protection from Evil and Death Ward, thanks to the Hallow-enchanted amulet he carries. Kurgash muses, "Forty feet, hmm? That's only about a quarter of my move. I better keep that in mind. Either that, or we lash Elyandre onto my back right now for safety."
Lungpuncture observes Munaak casting his Teleport and swiftly casts Righteous Might, Divine Power and Divine Favor. Yaaa! Munaak intones, "There's no place like home... There's no place like home..." and then the world changes.
The Prismatic Temple is incredibly hot. Varth deduces, "That must be because there's pools of open lava all over the place."
Grenville asks, "I wonder if they had union labor when they built this place..." Varth just rolls his eyes.
Graf comments, "The heat makes me sleeee-py."
Lungpuncture takes to the air and spots a salamander lounging in a nearby lava pool. He yells, "Salamander! It's all flamey and things!" He closes with the creature. Nobody questions the sanity of dive-bombing a creature that lives in molten rock.
Grenville starts to sing while Cutter Gerald scampers up and shoots the creature. It howls and bleeds. Kurgash chants, "Go Cutter! It's yer birth-day!" Everyone else assumes that this is some kind of new focusing ritual Kurgash uses prior to going berserk. Instead, Kurgash surprises everyone by sending a couple of poorly aimed arrows at the salamander. Neither of them connects.
Varth asks, "Hey, Kurgash! Aren't you using the Fiery Demon Bow that the winged demoness used to kill you? What're you doing wrong?"
Kurgash scowls and mutters something about not having enough demon power. Yet.
Lungpuncture swoops down and delivers a couple of ghastly-looking injuries to the salamander. The salamander points out that it hasn't even had a chance to act yet.
Varth flies out into the main chamber and looks around for other enemies. He doesn't see anything until the salamanders start to pour out of the lava. Munaak is galvanized into action by Varth's girlish scream. He sprays the lead salamander with Magic Missiles. The salamander grunts something about his last Swedish massage being more punishing.
Four salamanders storm down on Lungpuncture. He reassures everyone else, "Don't worry! I have DR5/evil!"
Kurgash rumbles, "That means you have damage reduction against everything except evil! I think someone should have INT-buffed the cleric before letting him cast any spells." He thunders forward and sends a salamander flying back into its lava pool. "Hi, little people!"
Munaak ignores both of them. He's too busy terminating the salamander in the side room.
Elyandre methodically slices a salamander apart. His first hit leaves it gasping. His second elicits bursts of incandescent ichor. His third simply cuts the creature in two.
Lungpuncture decides that he needs to upstage Elyandre, so he flies over two salamanders (avoiding two attacks of opportunity in the process) and very elegantly flanks and stabs the other salamander facing the elf fighter. He confidently ignores the lava only inches beneath him, thanks to his Resist Energy.
Graf and Varth obliterate another salamander. First Graf cuts its torso open, then Varth zaps it from behind. Graf triumphantly reports, "They pop when you kill them!"
Solmar decides to test this out: he casts Spectral Hand then electrifies one with Shocking Grasp. The salamander staggers and emits foul-smelling smoke. Munaak follows up with a Lesser Orb of Electricity and sends the thing reeling. He exults, "I love spells that do damage by the d8! They're big and chunky!"
Kurgash comments, "I'm just glad you didn't kill him: that would have spoiled the killer sweep I'm about to do." His axe whirls about. Fragments of shattered salamander fly across the cavern.
Graf observes, "I don't think I've ever seen anyone kill three salamanders in a single axe-swing."
Varth points out, "Yeah, but a bunch of us helped: two of those salamanders needed to go to the hospital even before Kurgash got to them."
Three more salamanders charge out of the next room, desperate to avenge their compatriots. Lungpuncture is amazed, "Didn't they see what just happened out here? It's as if these guys have no sense of self-preservation."
Various characters open up against the new salamanders with ranged attacks and spells. Meanwhile, Lungpuncture gazes over at the majestic prismatic display in the center of the chamber. He tells the others, "Pretty pretty pretty lights…"
Kurgash observes that the salamanders are standing across a lava flow from him. He stands ready with his axe. Varth suggests, "The real intelligence test is whether or not they come anywhere near the orc."
Kurgash watches as ranged attacks take out one salamander, and then decides that he's got to get involved. He leaps clean over the lava stream and slaughters a wounded salamander. Elyandre exclaims, "I didn't even realize that salamanders could make that noise."
Lungpuncture eschews grandstanding as he simply executes the last salamander.
Everyone starts looking to see if the salamanders were carrying anything of value until Varth reminds them, "Remember! Expiring buffs! Move on, move on, no lollygagging!"
The characters move into the main chamber and assemble around the prismatic flame column. Lungpuncture, Graf, Grenville and Munaak all walk a bit too close and end up making Will saves. As they cross the threshold, they hear unearthly music, piercing and sweet. Only the warforged cleric seems affected, but only for a moment.
Grenville stares directly into the flames. He can see a chunk of mysterious black stone floating unsupported inside. He tells the others, "All I can say is that I'm not reaching in for that, and neither is Cutter. End of discussion."
Solmar tries to grab it with Mage Hand. He reports that he can't quite grasp it, as if it isn't quite in sync with reality. Kurgash observes, "Just like Grenville! I still think he should try to grab it." Solmar tries throwing a rock at the flames. It explodes into fragments.
Varth observes, then comments, "Right. We look for more monsters, then."
Lungpuncture takes a look at the altar. He finds a strange rune and concludes, "This means something."
Munaak looks at it and reports, "This an ancient variant of draconic used by several cults that I just happen to know about."
Elyandre moves to explore some of the nearby bedrooms with half the party in tow. He sees nothing until he enters the corridor and spectral figures with darkened features except for red, glowing eyes come out of the walls and ceiling.
One of them hits Varth. He feels the warmth of his life flowing out through the creature's hand. Lungpuncture yells out, "Is that a death attack?"
Varth replies, "What?"
Lungpuncture curses, "Death attack! Not deaf attack! Nimrod."
Two of them snag Grenville, who instantly loses 11 CON and fades like an Arizona frost. And then they finish him off. On the plus side, because he died within a Hallow he doesn't rise up as an undead, so he can he raised later on.
Munaak observes, "Safety tip! Nobody get hit by those things!"
And then two more of them go for Cutter Gerald, who loses 6 CON and goes down to four hit points. He groans, "Oooh... I've heard this song before..." And those are the last words he utters, as their second strikes take him out too.
Varth crosses his fingers and puts Devil's Own Luck on his Fortitude. He suffers no effects worse than a couple points of damage, and counts himself lucky for that.
Elyandre scoffs, "Hey, I'm surrounded by these things, and I'm doing fine!" He shuts his mouth when a wraith hits him right between the eyes. He suddenly looks much paler. He retaliates by cutting a wraith in half.
Lungpuncture is amazed, "Holy crap! There's hope!"
Solmar reminds everyone, "Nobody fucks with the Jesus!"
Varth groans, "If this ever makes it to the website, now we're gonna get hate mail from Focus on the Family. And I've only just managed to get used to all the protest messages from PETA."
Lungpuncture announces, "I'll save all of us! I'll turn them!" Everyone else is less than pleased to see that he only manages to get one of them to flee.
Munaak announces, "I'm throwing a Fireball! Right on top of all of us! That'll get rid of them!" He injures two of them, and curses when he sees that the creatures' incorporeal nature protects them from the flames.
Varth decides to turn on Haste and fly away, taking only a couple of points of damage to the wraiths' attacks of opportunity in the process. Behind him, Solmar eliminates two wraiths with a second Fireball.
Lungpuncture finally manages to turn two more, evening the odds. Munaak helps out even more by vaporizing another with an array of Scorching Rays.
The last wraith continues to touch Elyandre in his sensitive places. It draws off a few more hit points, but doesn't draw down his life force. Graf steps up behind it and ends it.
Lungpuncture announces, "We've got eighteen rounds left before the wraiths come back! Everyone buckle up!" Varth supervises the process of stuffing Grenville's and Cutter Gerald's bodies into Grenville's Bag of Holding. Lungpuncture uses his wand of Lesser Vigor to fix up Elyandre very cheaply and economically (as he says). Munaak looks through Grenville's collection of wands and borrows his wands of Magic Missile and Scorching Ray.
The wraiths come back and go screaming for Lungpuncture. He falls back and watches as the other characters execute the wraiths by the numbers.
The characters look around for valuable items and find nothing. Varth curses, "What, wraiths have no treasure? That's no good! It should just fall out of their butts when you kill them!"
Kurgash helps Solmar search through some chests. He finds three locked drawers. Solmar tries to open them, but reports that they're jammed. Kurgash unjams them through main force. Rrrrrip! Inside, they find a few crumbling pieces of parchment filled with dwarven script. It is truly ancient script, but Solmar manages to translate it. It is a discussion of the prismatic flame and various possible applications for it. For example, the author suspects that it might be a portal to some previously unexplored dimension. It could be used for garbage disposal or for getting rid of prisoners. The author finally concludes that it would make a good way to store a potent magical artifact in a way that would require a specific potent unlocking ritual to retrieve it. Sadly, the manuscript does not detail the unlocking ritual.
Kurgash tells the others, "You go fetch Milla Jovovich. I'll stay here. Solmar says I need to ravish her on the altar to free the magic rock." Nobody buys this claim.
The characters force their way into the ruins of a library. The place is strewn with the burned remnants of ancient volumes and scorched spines. It looks like little of any use survived when the ceiling collapsed.
Solmar searches anyway. He finds a divine scroll of Summon Monster VI and a non-magical scroll titled Ritual of the Five Elements. He proclaims, "Smoke it!"
The scroll says, "To release the item in the prismatic flame, place appropriate representative items on the five altars, in the following order: Earth, Wood, Water, Metal and Fire."
Solmar complains, "They forgot air! Or they don't consider it to be an element!"
Varth points out, "I think we should sue them for ripping off The Fifth Element."
Lungpuncture asks, "Why? Do we own the copyright?"
Solmar ignores them and continues searching. He comes up with an arcane scroll of Finger of Death. Munaak drools and grabs it. Yoink! Munaak explains, "It's not in my spellbook now, but it will be!"
Solmar continues. He finds a scroll of Tenser's Transformation. He notices that Munaak isn't nearly as excited about having that spell on call.
The characters decide to re-buff while Munaak figures out how to set up the ritual to open up the prismatic flame. Elyandre helps Munaak assemble the necessary elements, while Varth flies around looking for anything else of value (he finds nothing). Munaak spends his time examining the altars and figuring out which ones correspond to which elements. This proves harder than Munaak can manage, so he just guesses.
Oddly enough, his guess turns out to be correct. He distributes the elements and everything activates. As the ritual is completed, the flame is extinguished and the Cacophex Splinter falls to the ground. The unearthly music is stilled.
Kurgash lunges for the splinter. He grabs it, learning only afterwards that most of its edges are sword-sharp. He also notices that it burns with an unearthly fire. He turns to Lungpuncture and intones, "Yoooouu!" Lungpuncture cringes. Then he turns to Munaak and intones, "Yooouuu! Cast Teleport and get us out of here!" The others override him: they want to search for more scrolls.
One minute later, the flame comes back. Kurgash is very glad that he moved away from the center of the chamber. He figures out how to use the Cacophex Splinter as a weapon while everyone else searches for scrolls. They find the following scrolls:
Varth continues to look around. He finds a thick iron door with the image of a dwarf with an expression of rage. Solmar shows up to ask, "Is it anger? Or constipation?"
Varth exclaims, "No! Stay away from it! You're a dwarf! It'll make you angry and constipated!"
Solmar attempts a Reflex save, but isn't quick enough. He plummets into a seventy-foot pit with poisoned spikes at the bottom.
Kurgash looks down into the pit, "Hellooo?"
Solmar calls back, "I'm okay! Except for my spleen!"
Varth flies down to fetch Solmar back. The dwarf is in surprisingly good shape for a guy who just fell seventy feet. He moans, "I might look hearty, but I'm in desperate need of healing..."
Meanwhile, Elyandre proclaims, "There aren't any more traps on the door! Unfortunately, I can't open it. Yet." Several minutes later, he finally manages to get the latch right and opens it.
The room contains barrels and crates full of rotted foodstuffs and spoiled wine. Elyandre searches inside and comes up with a locked iron chest hidden beneath a false floor. No magic, no traps. It contains 643 platinum pieces.
Kurgash also takes the big iron door. Varth wants to use it as the door for the men's restroom. He explains, "If you're not strong enough to open this door, you're not strong enough to use the can."
The characters are working for the Sovereign Host. This works out in their favor: when they return to report their success, they find that they can score free Raise Deads for Grenville and Cutter! Grenville and Cutter each lose a level, but that's not so bad compared to being not dead anymore.
The characters spend 40 of the 643 platinum to get four Bless Weapon scrolls for Varth. He uses these to stoke up the more impressive fighters among the group.
The 8th level characters each gain 2900 experience points for the salamanders and the wraiths. The 9th level characters each gain 2250 experience points. Grenville grouses because he doesn't make it back to 9th level. Graf and Varth both celebrate, because they manage to make 10th level. Paul grouses because now he needs to do three experience totals instead of just two.
The characters Teleport in to the Hellspike Prison. Varth immediately sees the invisible imp who is trying to spy on the party. The characters execute it, only to see a swarm of creatures flap out of concavities in the ceiling. They fly on their leathery wings and scream with unholy voices. They have no bodies, just heads suspended between their wings.
Kurgash exclaims, "I know these things! They're vargouilles! They're both evil and mean!"
Graf screams and charges, only to realize that the vargouilles are all flying twenty feet up in the air. He stands there, waiting for them to come to him. They oblige. They come in screaming, which has the effect of paralyzing almost everyone: Grenville, Cutter, Elyandre, Munaak, and Solmar all freeze up. Then the vargouilles flap in and kiss everyone who's paralyzed. Nothing seems to happen.
Varth announces, "I learned a new invocation! Watch!" He unleashes a Chained Eldritch Blast at the vargouilles, killing two of them. Kurgash crushes another one. Lungpuncture casts Dragon Breath, killing three more. Graf kills another one with his panache.
The one surviving vargouille moves in to kiss Cutter Gerald (who remains unaffected). Varth shoots it down.
Lungpuncture flies around the corner before the others have even gotten a chance to get un-paralyzed. He runs straight into three demonic dwarves. He yells, "Demon dwarves!"
One dwarf charges Graf. He doesn't make it: Lungpuncture and Graf both hit him with attacks of opportunity and cut him down. The others approach more carefully. It doesn't do them much good: Graf kills one without even thinking about it. The last of them actually manages to damage Graf, much to the big warforged's annoyance.
The characters start hearing human-sounding screams from the other side of the smoke barrier. Then a beautiful woman with devilish wings steps out of the smoke. She draws her bow back and looks towards Kurgash. He notices that she's got the same model of bow that he's carrying.
She shoots Kurgash. Varth sends a maximized Eldritch Blast at her only to watch it fizzle against her Spell Resistance. Kurgash shoots back and discovers that she has Damage Resistance too. Munaak uses Lesser Orb of Electricity instead, pointing out, "I'm using a conjuration spell! It isn't affected by Spell Resistance!" The others note that she is still only minimally injured.
Lungpuncture runs up, yelling, "I have Dragon Breath! It isn't affected by Spell Resistance either! I can zap both the dwarf and the demon girl!"
Graf, lightning boiling over his skin, grumbles, "And me too. How could you possibly not notice the seven-foot warforged standing in the line of sight?"
The demon dwarf is critically wounded, woozy and staggering. The erinyes is just starting to show some signs of wear and tear.
Graf rushes the erinyes, sucking up a hit from the demon dwarf in the process. He delivers a tremendous strike against her. His Blessed weapon inflicts a terrible, burning wound upon her. She steps backwards and teleports away. Graf complains, "Bitch!"
Varth turns on Haste and flies straight through the smoke. He sees a huge molten mass of oozing flesh. He can see human heads and limbs briefly emerge from the mass, then get pulled back inside. He notes, "That seems pretty evil."
In the other half of the chamber, he sees a black stone obelisk decorated with the agonized faces of demonic entities. Standing in front of it is a huge, spiked demonic creature that is picking up human captives and unceremoniously dumping them into the lava.
Varth thinks, "Perhaps I can distract it with an Eldritch Blast." He decides to go with a Maximized Eldritch Blast. Yep, it's got Spell Resistance too: his attack has no effect. The devil responds by throwing another human captive into the lava. Aieeee!
Kurgash, Elyandre and Graf storm through the smoke, eager to fling their lives away upon the claws of something otherworldly. The demon dwarf runs after Graf, only to be cut down by Lungpuncture on the way.
Munaak steps through the smoke, examines the situation, and tells the others, "Looks like a cornugon to me! They're the elite defense forces of Hell! They're nine feet tall, weigh six hundred pounds, have a fear aura, and scads of special powers. Plus they use a spiked chain to hurt their enemies. And you need weapons that are both good and silver to kill them!"
Lungpuncture notices that the cornugon has three victims left. He summons a bralani (sort of a desert celestial elf-thing with huge hooters) and orders her to take one of the victims to safety. She runs up, grabs a victim, and then gets decked by the cornugon.
Varth decides to take an alternate strategy. He launches a Chained Eldritch Blast at the three victims. He manages to end one of them.
Kurgash takes the shard in hand and rushes the cornugon. For his trouble, he takes a hit from the spiked chain and sustains a bleeding wound. Solmar is incredulous, "What are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?"
Kurgash yells back, "I'm trying to put the fricking shard in the fricking obelisk! Why do you think we came here in the first place?"
Munaak decides that he's going to help Varth out. He casts a Lightning Ball that kills the remaining sacrifices. As they die, he sees a second cornugon emerging from the lava. He howls out, "It's not my fault!"
Lungpuncture launches himself at the cornugon, confident that it has already used up its attack of opportunity. He is incredibly surprised that it is vulnerable only to good, silver weapons. However, it is hurt. It screams, "You hurt me!" The characters are able to determine that its voice is that of Bastinu.
Lungpuncture responds, "That's right, bitch! You made me a dwarf for six months!"
Graf charges Bastinu, getting savaged by an attack of opportunity on the way in. He manages to do damage to the creature, though not much of it.
Varth tries an Eldritch Blast, but doesn't make it past the Spell Resistance.
Kurgash does an end-run around Bastinu and slams the shard back into the Hellspike. It instantly merges seamlessly into the whole. A couatl appears: a great serpent with rainbow feathered wings. Bastinu decides that now is the time for discretion and teleports away.
Kurgash offers, "Errr... There's a flesh demon in the next room you might want to zorch for us... Sir..." The couatl obliges: the thing in the next room vanishes, and there is a new image on the obelisk. It explains that with the shard gone, its powers to contain the demons are limited. But it can't track down the missing demon, as it can't leave. It can't do anything about the lady demon either. He has limited range.
Varth slinks off to search the demonic dwarves for money. He comes up with 65 gold, plus some axes and misshapen chain shirts. He concludes that the obelisk is very magical, but probably not something that he could carry off to sell.
Kurgash, to the couatl, "So, any suggestions on how to bring the missing demon back? Is it better to trap it in the obelisk, or kill it?"
"Well, you could knock it senseless. Killing it is pretty good too. By the way, I'm actually a dead couatl: I sacrificed myself to help bind the demons in this obelisk 100,000 years ago."
"How about some loot, then?"
"Check the hell-maiden's bower."
"There's a bower! Let me at it!" It turns out that the erinyes had a very odd sense of interior décor. And a large iron box. He finds a selection of scandalously low-cut dresses and some spike-heeled shoes inside. Lungpuncture tries one on. It really isn't his size. He manages to come out with:
The session ends with the characters teleporting their way back out of Hellspike Prison. The latter part of the adventure provides each 8th level character with 2600 experience points, the 9th level characters with 1969 experience points, and the 10th level characters with 1625 experience points. Grenville exults because he makes it back to 9th level! W00t!