Tim (Christophe-Joseph Pépin) shows up promptly at ten minutes past noon. He is shocked to find out that he is the first to appear. Chris (Dmitri Baranov) wanders in a few minutes later to explain that everyone is having a very casual morning. He then explains Tim's dancing style as, "Must imagine self with broom up ass. Uncomfortable broom!" Tim looks hurt. But not as if there were any brooms involved.
Paul (Smith) calls to report that he is both awake and alive, and expects to be inbound within a few minutes, or whenever he feels like it. Ernest (Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez) stands around looking confused. Chuck (Quent Lawrence) tells everyone that the one time he ran Paranoia he didn't even need to kill the characters: they killed each other instead. Bruce just warns everyone that Mischief has been unusually hostile lately, ever since her Monday run-in with a plastic bag. He suggests that everyone should keep careful watch of their hands unless they want to see chunks taken out of them. Tim asks, "Is that why she's sitting smack dab in the center of the table?"
The characters look over the loot taken from the smugglers. Dmitri Baranov takes claim to Klaus Heigen's silver schnapps flask. Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez suggests that each character (except Christophe-Joseph Pépin, who wasn't around last time) should get one keg of lizard-eye opals. The sixth keg should go back to the Xea-Shvet tribesmen to improve their attitude towards the characters. Everyone agrees with this plan. In compensation, the characters give Pépin the opium and selenium drugs they took from Wilkinson.
Smith observes Dmitri Baranov eyeing Samoan Jack's gold tooth. He tells the Russian, "I'd be happy to remove that tooth for you!"
Dmitri replies, "Thank you, scary robot. Please do something else instead."
Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez takes Klaus Heigen's gold ring as a gift for Catherine Iphegenia Pépin. He explains that he's not really interested in the weapons, so the others can have them. Quent Lawrence points out, "That's a Prussian Army Regimental ring..."
Christophe-Joseph Pépin asks, "You're planning on giving a ring to my cousin? Don't you realize what she's built like?"
Sanchez replies, "You're getting mighty close to dueling territory, friend."
The characters decide to interrogate Klaus Heigen, who still has several bullets in him. Sanchez offers, "We're all Europeans, so we need to treat him in a civilized manner." Everyone suggests that this means that Sanchez should lead in the interrogation effort. Sanchez gives Heigen some tea and enquires into his health, then starts asking questions:
Sanchez sees several options for dealing with One-Eyed John. The characters could attack his ship, and maybe take horrible casualties from grapeshot. They could ransom Heigen, with appropriate instructions to stop mining opals. Or they could just leave him be and tell him to go away. Christophe-Joseph Pépin points out that Heigen is a gentleman, and if he is to be left in the wilderness he should be equipped with a pistol at the least.
Lawrence suggests that the only reason One-Eyed John would ransom Heigen back would be to do horrible things to him.
Then Heigen pipes up to mention that he has some assets with the Ritterbank office in the Departement du Nilosyrtis, and could provide his own ransom. This information is greeted with great joy among the characters. They swiftly come to an agreement to ransom Heigen for 500 Lv, payable upon his arrival in Argyre (where he will be able to contact his banker). He gives his word to not attempt to escape, and the characters give him his smallsword back. Once they deliver him to a place of civilization, he will arrange for the money to be transferred to the characters by the Bank of Argyre. He also politely requests some medical care for his various bullet wounds.
Smith watches the negotiations with great interest, then asks, "Is it legal to kill him if he breaks his word?" A Voice from on high responds, "YES."
Pépin comments, "If Smith starts hearing voices, I think it's time to abandon him in the desert. Again."
Christophe-Joseph Pépin examines the fifty ssaug, particularly paying attention to the sickest ones. He finds himself fascinated by ssaug biology. He concludes that forty of them would recover swiftly if put in a hot and humid environment. Sanchez suggests that the big phlogiston torch in the Wailing Towers might be useful, whereas Baranov suggests that the characters should build a sauna.
Pépin stands convinced. He declares, "As a gentleman, I demand that we build a sauna!"
The remaining ten ssaug are suffering from various stages of a fungal skin infection. Pépin learns that the infection responds well to a selenium solution, but he doesn't have enough selenium to treat ten ssaug.
The other characters observe Pépin's analytic procedures with great interest. Sanchez, always the romantic, notes how he seems very interested in the scents of the ssaug bandages. He tells the others, "Pépin has a new girlfriend!"
Quent catches the mood and mimes Pépin, lovestruck over a diseased ssaug, "After she left, I held the bandage to my mouth."
Baranov asks, "Is that the opening line of you latest novel?"
Hijinks aside, the characters set to work converting the ssaug barracks into a sauna. They discover that the easiest sources of firewood are the other structures. They set the Bavarians to deconstructing one of the buildings using traditional labor-motivation techniques: "Work or die!" Pépin, thanks to Cultural Adaptability, picks up German in the process.
The remains of the other outpost buildings are enough to turn the ssaug barracks into a big sauna for two days, which really improves most of the ssaug. The remainder are still unable to walk; the characters decide that they will travel on the cart.
While the characters wait for the ssaug to recover, they spent time playing whist. Baranov picks up 7 Lv from Heigen. Sanchez picks up 3 Lv. Pépin loses 5 Lv.
After two days, Baranov has completely used up the salt pork in the outpost stores, so Quent resolves to go fishing.
Smith asks Quent, "So, what dangerous things are in the water?"
Quent replies, "That's why I'm fishing with a rifle." He returns with a hefty quantity of Martian fish. He only had to shoot one of them.
The characters decide to head back to the camp at the Wailing Towers, with the intent of eventually heading back to Criqueronde with Heigen, the fifty ssaug, and the opals. Heigen is given charge of the five captive Bavarian goons. Sanchez suggests putting the sick ssaug in front to find those Martian gophers. Baranov suggests putting Smith out front instead. Smith points out all too cheerfully, "They usually go for the people in the back! That's what happened to me last time!"
Baranov replies, "That's why the Bavarians are in the back."
Quent mentions, "I'm getting better at spotting those things."
Baranov is ready with his rejoinder: "I'm really good at spotting them, after they've grabbed someone and dragged them off."
Sanchez has little luck teaching the ssaug to sing in Spanish as they march. Quent apologizes to them several times, "We're so sorry, please ignore him."
The characters are quite glad to see that the Egyptian's archaeological camp is still intact, and that the Egyptian himself is glad to see them. He greets the characters and offers them 25% of the take from his first week of gathering artifacts. Due to the eccentricities of the Excel random number function, there are a lot of perfect powerful staves available, each worth about 520 Lv. The characters take three of them.
The Egyptian reports that there have been some problems in the characters' absence. Most notably, the Xea-Osk laborers found a third tuau-gekgek in the grounds of the Emperor Tower. There were no casualties associated with the discovery, and the area has been marked off for safety.
The characters point out that they have fifty ssaug available as laborers, if the Egyptian wants them. He declines, due to the language issue. Pépin offers to teach them all English. The Egyptian sputters (in French), "English! That doesn't help at all!"
The characters are chatting with the Egyptian when one of the native laborers runs into the tent calling out, "Mr. Egyptian! Mr. Egyptian! Men on animals!" Everyone gathers their weapons and heads to the hill.
Pépin looks into the distance and estimates that there are thirty-five approaching, and that they look like Legion troopers with some mounted scouts. Sanchez comments, "Here's where we find out if all that effort of teaching the soggies to sing the Marselleies was worth it."
The Legionnaires halt some distance from the camp. Three of them ride up, led by an officer who introduces himself as Captain Nicolas Archambault. He explains that his outriders had reported that there was a new archaeological expedition working at the Wailing Towers, and he was sent from the Avante-Poste Noir to make certain that they are all safe.
Baranov tells the Captain, "We are lovers of science! And artifacts! And women!"
Pépin clarifies, "Martian women!"
Quent gestures towards Pépin and asks, "Can we keep him away from outsiders?"
Captain Archambault appears unconcerned by the characters' odd behavior. The characters suspect that he is regularly called upon to deal with prospectors and explorers who make the characters look like cultured society nabobs. He explains that his primary concern is the bandit Black Kurrack, who has been known to attack Europeans and their servants. He impresses upon the characters the importance of informing the Legion at Avante-Poste Noir instantly should they find signs of his presence.
The characters decide that they will head back to Criqueronde with the Legionnaires after camping for a night. Sanchez finds out that the Captain doesn't care about arresting Methodists. Rather, he is quite exasperated by them. He wants to find them because he thinks that is the best way to find Black Kurrack.
Quent spends some time talking to the "native" scouts in the Legion detachment. He finds out that they are all Xea-Osk city-dwellers, and aren't really that good as scouts.
On the way back to Criqueronde the Legionnaires stop by the oasis village of Lagan-Eku Yan-Uku. While they are there, Sanchez frees Peg and Lap, the two imprisoned Methodist Xea-Osk, for 5 Lv. He is quite confident that the good Captain Archambault will not care one way or another. Sanchez also says farewell to his servant Bat; he gives him a parting gift of 30 Lv and tells him to have a nice life.
The characters head promptly for the Water Lily Club, where they send Heigen off to make arrangements for their 500 Lv (it takes a couple of days for the money to arrive). While they wait, Heigen passes the time by drinking and the characters try to find a buyer for their lizard-eye opals.
Christophe-Joseph Pépin manages to speak to Paul Tremblay, a local trader who seems to do most of his business in the Water Lily Club. He explains that he can't possibly sell such a large quantity of opals in Criqueronde, and maybe not even in Argyre: the whole market for the things is back on Earth. He offers to move them for 20% commission. Pépin declines.
It is at this point that Pépin's cousin Iphegenia Catherine Pépin enters the Water Lily Club. She is delighted to see that her exotic Spaniard has returned. She calls out across the lounge, "Sanchez! How delightful to see you again! But look at what you have brought back with you!"
Pépin grumbles, "Sister..."
She corrects him with aristocratic disdain, "That would be 'cousin'..."
Quent whispers to Baranov, "Apparently his family tree is twisted..."
Baranov reminds Pépin, "You dropped your opium, there." Pépin does his best to not pay attention to troublemaking Russians.
Sanchez takes Catherine Iphegenia to dinner. She tells him that there have been great developments in France: King Charles X abdicated, and Louis-Phillippe has become King. She expects that there will be many new appointments in the civil service. She thinks that he would be an excellent choice, apparently unable to see any drawback in his Spanish nationality.
Meanwhile, Christophe-Joseph Pépin is quite unhappy: he finds many letters from Earth waiting for him at the Poste. Skimming through them, he quickly understands that Iphegenia Catherine has been writing lies about him back to the family. He points out to Sanchez that because she is family, he can shoot Sanchez if he fools around with her. Then he turns to the grim task of writing a pile of letters back to his various relatives, describing the virtuous way he has been busying himself, providing medical aid to the natives. He is forced to write that he is none too confident about his cousin's behavior, as she has taken up with a questionable Spaniard. He confides to his aunt Eucrasia Demeter Pépin that the man had come to him in his capacity as a physician, for a male ailment. On the plus side, he notes that Catherine Iphegenia's hysteria seems to have improved. Perhaps she will seek marriage in nine months.
By the time Pépin has finished, he is chuckling to himself with the sort of glee he normally finds only in opium. After he drops the letters off at the Poste, he is almost beside himself with joy.
Unaware that Pépin has been defaming him in print, Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez rounds up the other characters to head over to Gagné's Dry Goods to return the two gukin-lugal Methodists to their proper caretakers.
Dr. Lucas Upham is quite pleased to see the characters walk back into his meeting-room behind the store. He rather anxiously asks them, "Have you decided to join our congregation?"
Sanchez replies, "No thanks, I'm straight. But here are Peg and Lap."
Dr. Upham indicates that there will be more Methodists showing up in three weeks to re-establish the school in Lagan-Eku Yan-Uku. Baranov suggests that the characters would be willing to escort them out. Baranov's ambition is entirely to see if he can use them to flush out Black Kurrack: he expects that the new crop will be just as bull-headed as the last, and will end up suffering the same sorry fate.
The characters spend some weeks in Criqueronde, enjoying the lifestyle that their recent exploits has made possible. Sanchez trades in Heigen's gold ring for something pretty and gives it to Catherine Iphegenia as a token of his esteem.
Baranov observes the exchange and comments, "There will be a larger one when you are married, of course..."
Pépin whispers, "In nine months..."
Catherine Iphegenia is quite pleased, so much so that she doesn't even bother to acknowledge her cousin's insult. Sanchez sends off to Argyre for a very fine revolver with a pearl hilt, matching his rapier. He does not explicitly admit that the main goal of the weapon is to provide him with something fitting for his inevitable duel with Christophe-Joseph Pépin, preferring to claim that he simply wants to have a matching set of weapons.
Dmitri Baranov travels to Argyre to find something for the fifty ssaug to do. He ends up getting them employed with a local businessman working in a laundry, cleaning clothing for the Legion. He reasons that they will do well in the hot, humid surroundings.
He spends the rest of the time eating and sleeping well.
Smith decides that he would like to explore the human concept of companionship. He starts feeding a stray eft-chef on the streets. Much to everyone's surprise, he ends up adopting it. The creature looks like a six-legged lizard-type dog. With spinnerets.
Baranov examines the thing and asks Smith, "So what are you planning on doing with this creature? Eating it?"
Smith replies, "No, I plan to care for it. I have already become attached to it." The others have noticed that the creature has become very attached to Smith as well: when Smith is quiescent at night, it spins a web pouch on his back and goes to sleep in it. Apparently it finds the warmth of his boiler reassuring.
Sanchez finds that watching Smith and his new pet is sufficient to give him vividly disturbing dreams. Pépin finds that years of opium and okku-nakal usage have made it difficult for him to distinguish between the disturbing dreams and the other kind, though he also suspects that it will take far more than six-legged web-spinning lizards to upset him.
After three weeks, six new Methodists show up in town. They are led by Dr. Thomas Rope, a skinny switch of a man. His lieutenant is Mr. Arthur Book. Baranov takes a long look at them and licks his lips. He tells the other characters, "The new bait is in town, and I think it should do just fine."
The characters are planning their trip out to Lagan-Eku Yan-Uku when a native messenger from the Egyptian comes running into town. He seeks out Quent and gaspingly tells him, "White man terribly hurt. Something in tower. Please send help!"
Quent turns to the others and announces, "Let's ride!"
Pépin hires Klaus Heigen for a share, plus a revolver and his schnapps flask. Pépin is equipped with five poultices and a physician's kit. He also picks up some anti-venom, a jar of leeches, and a surgical kit for 50 Lv.
Baranov spends 10 Lv to purchase a ladies' parasol, which he uses to shield himself from the sun. Sanchez observes and offers, "Next, it will be the ladies' underwear." Nobody notices when Baranov also spends 14 Lv for two phlogiston flare reloads.
The characters bring ten daukha-apak: two for each of them (except Smith) and for Heigen.
The Methodists are quite surprised when the characters insist that they leave right away. They had expected that they would be spending more time in town preparing. Quent doesn't let them get too used to that concept, then tells them, "We'll go by the Wailing Towers, it's the fastest way." They don't know enough to question his judgment.
The characters ride into the Egyptian's camp and quickly learn what happened. The native laborers managed to use some phlogiston to drive off the tuau-gekgek on the Emperor Tower grounds and were expecting to move on into the tower when they heard some threatening sounds inside.
A Legion patrol had left three muskets with the Egyptian, so he armed two laborers and they went in to explore. They didn't get far: something attacked them and killed the two laborers. The Egyptian managed to drag himself down to a window on the third floor, where he signaled the other laborers for help. They carried him out and put him in his tent. He was terribly wounded, and hasn't improved much since the incident.
Pépin examines the Egyptian's injuries. The man has three large wounds that look like they were caused by some kind of huge blade.
The characters confer on the situation. They conclude that whatever attacked the Egyptian was probably a mechanical. Based upon previous experience with Smith, the characters have some concern on how effective pistols might be against a mechanical. They give Klaus Heigen a musket, then distribute the remaining muskets and rifles amongst themselves. Baranov has one Eternal Lantern, and a search of the camp turns up three more. Sanchez disdains these efforts with the explanation, "Spaniards have Dark Vision!"
Quent looks up from loading his rifles to reply, "That's drunk vision. We're taking the lanterns, and that's final."
Baranov goes first, with lantern and axe. Pépin and Sanchez carry eternal lanterns. Heigen carries the last lantern and a revolver. The ground floor of the Emperor Tower is a huge hall with circular stairways around the edge. Quent moves to the lead and starts tracking the path of the Egyptian and the Xea-Osk who brought him back.
"I think it can smell us!"
"I know it can smell the Russian!"
The characters move up several floors, gradually becoming aware that they are being stalked by something fast-moving and metallic. They decide that the best strategy is to set themselves up in a defensible location and try to draw the creature out. This plan proves successful: they barricade themselves in a hall on the twelfth floor, then destroy the thing when it attacks Smith from a secret passage.
Their attacker is definitely a mechanical of Xea-Osk design. It appears to have been rather substantially modified from its original humanoid shape: it now has four legs, centaur-style, plus a whipping tail and a huge scything claw. The characters eventually manage to pierce the creature's phlogiston boiler. Smith realizes what has happened first and runs for it. Everyone else follows, reasoning that anything Smith is afraid of will surely kill everyone else. Baranov and Sanchez each lose one rifle-musket in the subsequent explosion, but nobody takes any additional damage.
The characters creep back to see if they can salvage any interesting parts. They find that the creature's head is intact, but shot full of holes. No salvage there. Quent comments, "Well, if we'd wanted to salvage its brain we probably shouldn't have done all those called shots to the head."
Baranov notices that the entire group is huddled over the remains, and comments, "Why doesn't everyone reload before looking at the dead ro-bot?"
Smith ignores him as he lovingly caresses the mechanical horror's blade, "How long is this scything claw? Oh, that's very reasonable. I'd like to attach this to my arm." The blade is slightly singed but basically intact. Pépin is very upset by the fact that Smith seems so interested in it. Baranov is more disappointed: he wanted to put it over the fireplace at the Water Lily. Pépin collects the smoking, punctured skull of the thing. Sanchez speculates that the Sot will later have sex with it.
The characters take a look at the chamber behind the secret door. They find several interesting artifacts. Baranov finds a rusted gurgling staff worth 6 Lv. Sanchez finds a dusty fragile case worth 80 Lv. Pépin finds a unearthly rusted scepter worth 18 Lv. Quent finds a perfect delicate blade worth 140 Lv. Smith finds a stained flexible clockwork worth 23 Lv.
And then Klaus Heigen picks up an unstable phlogiston cell. Quent comments, "That looks like the taug eft-utau!"
Baranov yells, "Holy shit! That looks like the taug eft-utau but with a huge crack on the side! Run!" Most people avoid damage, except for Klaus who is terribly burned. Until Pépin fixes him with selenium.
Smith spends an hour patching himself up from the effects of the fight against the mechanical horror.
The session ends with the characters in the middle of the Emperor Tower. Each character gains 4 experience points. It will cost Smith 36 total points to attach the scything blade to himself: +5 Striking ST (25) plus Long Talons (11). He gains an allowance of 20 free points to partially cover the cost.