Tim (Christophe Joseph Pépin) decides that his Grandmother's 80th birthday is a far more important occasion than loitering about with his various ne'er-do-well friends. In dramatic contrast, Paul (Smith) shows up first and vows that everything he says is going to end with an exclamation point. Chuck ("Quent" Lawrence) indicates that everything he knows about quantum physics he learned on Star Trek. Chris (Dmitri Baranov) admits that he thought our waitress was most attractive in the restaurant, and though he is consumed by the question of whether she is actually Greek, or merely hired because she was swarthy. Ernest (Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez) just fantasizes about practicing cannibalism. He reflects that if his lottery number comes up on Thursday, he could probably set that up for himself. Bruce thinks, "I am in a declarative mood today! I'm going to declare a lot of things!"
Five weeks have gone by, long enough for Quent to heal himself up after having been shot by savages. Dmitri Baranov mentions, "Hey, I stuck a lucky rock in one of your stab wounds. I'd like it back." Quent looks at him and mentions, "But I didn't get stabbed." Baranov replies, "Oh. Woops. Have you felt a growing pressure in your innards over the last two weeks?" Quent refuses to dignify that with an answer.
Few people have arrived in Criqueronde over the last five weeks, but one arrival has had quite an impact. Christophe Joseph Pépin's cousin Iphegenia Catherine Pépin arrived bearing the news that Pépin's father has changed his will again. She gives him a letter that purports to include the details of the changes. However, Pépin understands very clearly that her purpose is quite different: she is in Criqueronde to keep an eye on his lifestyle, with the hope of catching him engaging in questionable activity, activity that she can report back to his father and the other members of the Pépin clan to trigger yet another round of rewrites on the all-important will.
As a result, Pépin's lifestyle has been dramatically curtailed. He no longer spends timeless hours in an okku-nakal haze in the Sand Quarter. He no longer frequents the miserable collection of courtesans available in town. And, most important, he no longer spends time at the card tables of the Water Lily Club, losing fortunes at whist to the other characters.
This last change in particular has had an effect on the gamblers' lifestyles. Neither Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez nor Dmitri Baranov have access to a large enough supply of marks to be able to maintain a good lifestyle as professional gamblers in a town as small as Criqueronde. Faced with an inability to meet their rent, they sit around a cold card table to discuss their options. Baranov opines that Iphegenia Catherine Pépin seems to be something of a dangerous dingbat. Smith offers, "If it wasn't illegal, we could terminate her existence!" Baranov comments, "I'm sure one of us could work up some paperwork to that effect." Smith continues in his ever-cheerful tones, "I'd kill all of you if it wasn't illegal!" Baranov mentions very quietly to Sanchez, "I think first chance we get we need to drop robot-boy off on an artillery range." Sanchez concurs, "Yes. Especially before he learns about moral relativism."
Then Baranov conceives of a plan. He tells Sanchez, "You could do Christophe a favor by sleeping with his cousin and compromising her. And then we could strike a deal with that artist in the Sand Quarter to paint a picture of her in dishabille!" This sort of plan immediately appeals to Sanchez's lascivious nature. He immediately departs to set this plan into motion.
Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez calls upon Iphegenia Catherine Pépin, hoping to find some way to compromise her. After a shockingly bad Carousing roll, he finds himself quite smitten by her, and immediately drops all thoughts of harming her person or her reputation. His efforts at subterfuges are abandoned and forgotten.
At great cost, Sanchez manages to obtain a small bouquet of flowers and calls upon Iphegenia Catherine at Christophe Joseph's townhouse. The flowers impress her, though Sanchez rather darkly suspects that several natives may have died bringing them to Criqueronde. She admires them, and him, and chirps out, "Soon, daddy will die, and then all of it will be mine!" In the background, Christophe Joseph shudders faintly in withdrawal as he tries to behave as if he is reading a volume of Martian history. For her part, Catherine Iphegenia finds herself rather taken by Sanchez's exotic Iberian charms. Sanchez continues to call upon her, even though the other characters come to suspect that she is something of a dangerous martinet.
Juan Carlos Victor Sanchez even goes so far as to escort Iphegenia Catherine to dinner at the Water Lily Club, allowing the other characters to really meet her closely for the first time. Baranov sets the tone of the dinner conversation by making small talk about when Sanchez's wedding day should be scheduled. Sanchez tells Iphegenia Catherine, "I apologize in advance for the Russian. And the robot."
Iphegenia Catherine attempts to improve the level of discourse by asking the others, "What brought you all to Criqueronde?" Smith helps things along by chirping, "My creator was eaten by insects!"
Quent talks of the natives and his experiences with them. Iphegenia Catherine cannot accept that they have anything good in their culture, as they haven't heard the word of Christ. The way she speaks suggests to the characters that in her opinion even having the word of Christ driven into their brains with railroad spikes would be unlikely to do much for their cultural achievements.
At this point, an idea germinates within Dmitri Baranov's convoluted brain. He proposes to Iphegenia Catherine that he could help her by selling out her cousin Christophe Joseph. He offers to send her letters detailing the various sins and misbehaviors, if she is willing to compensate him appropriately. He voices his thoughts very delicately. Iphegenia is willing, and agrees to compensate him in amounts commensurate with the details he describes (e.g., the knowledge that he might be visiting courtesans is worth hardly anything at all, but the news that he is going about in native garb would be most shocking and sufficient to draw a reward of some substantial size). After Iphegenia Catherine returns home for the evening, Baranov tells Quent, "I'm already thinking of my first letter."
Then Dmitri Baranov thinks on Iphegenia Catherine and tells Quent, "You know, she reminds me of the badger. Proud and powerful. And likely to gnaw your face off at the drop of a hat."
Quent suggests that Baranov shouldn't tell Sanchez this. Privately, he hopes to be present when Iphegenia Catherine gnaws Sanchez's face off: he thinks it will be even better than the circus.
Several rumors of the gukin-lugal bandit Black Kurrack are flying around. It sounds like he has constructed quite a reputation for himself. He has killed four Methodist missionaries, and evaded the best efforts of two companies of Legionnaires to catch him. Some suggest that he is able to evade the Legionnaires because he is paying off their officers with okku-nakal.
A guy in a bar offers Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez a pornographic lithograph for 2 Lv. He buys it and subtly slips it onto Christophe Joseph Pépin's person. He hopes that this will make trouble for Christophe Joseph with Iphegenia Catherine. He plants it as Christophe-Joseph is settling his bar tab one night, then tells Dmitri Baranov and Quent, "There's 2 Lv well spent!"
Oddly enough, Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez also encounters a fellow who offers him a chance to join a prayer meeting. The fellow says that his group holds ministry in the back room of Gagné Dry Goods every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday at dusk, and also conducts missions to the sandskins every Wednesday. On hearing of this offer, the other characters ask if the fellow was unhappy-looking. Sanchez agrees that he was, leading everyone to conclude that the prayer group members are Methodists. Rather like the four Methodists killed by Black Kurrack recently.
Smith walks into the Water Lily Club and tells everyone he is unhappy. He just heard that a mineworker was killed. They tried to get him to fill in, until he told them that he'd kill them all if it weren't illegal.
Having established that Black Kurrack is some kind of wanted criminal, everyone heads down to the Poste to see if there is a price on his head. It turns out that there is: the Colonial government in Argyre is offering 2000 Lv for him. The poster also makes it clear that he is definitely Xea-Osk, which surprises Quent. The characters note that Black Kurrack is wanted for a lot of things. They think about getting together with the Methodists and running a sting operation on him.
As the characters are debating how they will spend their bounty money for killing Black Kurrack, Gabriel "Egyptian" Houde walks into the Poste and invites them to his townhouse for dinner that evening. In spite of hearing a rumor to the effect that the Egyptian left Earth after having killed and eaten eight laborers in Cairo, Juan Victor Carlos Sanchez doffs his hat, bows, and pronounces, "But of course, señor Egyptian!"
The characters are surprised to find that the Egyptian lives on the Place du Liberté and has a native servant. Dmitri Baranov looks around and speculates, "Maybe he's pissed at us for burning his drugs." Sanchez comments, "There must be natives who don't like white people bringing in the drugs. Maybe what we ran into was a drug deal gone bad. Those native fellows decided they didn't like the price the Egyptian was offering, so they tried to whack him."
The Egyptian (unaware of this particular line of reasoning) welcomes the characters to his home. His servant brings in first a tray of wineglasses, and then several plates of snacks. The characters start to reassess their opinions of the Egyptian's prosperity when they realize he is offering them the wretched native vin bleu wine. Sanchez eyes the stuff and asks Quent, "Does it have grapes in it?" Quent, no stranger to native delicacies, reassures him, "No." Sanchez takes a few tentative sips, then recognizes that though the stuff is terrible, it does have quite a kick to it. Quent assures him, "You drink enough of this stuff and your urine glows." Smith doesn't drink the wine. Baranov drinks Smith's share.
After the wine comes dinner. The dishes are prepared with some European foods, but very strangely, almost in a native style. Sanchez samples one dish and protests, "There's curry in this!"
With dinner a passing memory, the Egyptian presents his offer. He tells the characters that he has identified a heretofore-unexplored Xea-Osk ruin, a site called the Wailing Towers. Unfortunately, the site lies within the realm of the Lemdok Tauba Gek-Ashkadek, a Xea-Osk aristocrat. The Lemdok has never been a friend of Europeans, and has reacted very poorly to them in the past. One way or another, he will need to give assent to the exploitation of the Wailing Towers. However, the Egyptian thinks that with the characters' help it should be possible to get him to agree. He is aware of three things that can help the situation:
The Egyptian suggests that if the characters help him, he would cut them in for a share of the artifacts excavated from the site. He knows that most of the characters are fluent in the Xea-Osk language, which should smooth dealings with the Lemdok Gek-Ashkadek. He expects that while most of the objects will be of academic interest only, some of them will be of substantial interest to collectors and may have significant financial value. He offers the characters one quarter of the artifacts uncovered, plus first choice from among the artifacts uncovered in the first fifteen days.
Dmitri Baranov takes the lead in negotiating with the Egyptian. He listens to the Egyptian's initial offer, then slams hi hand down upon the table and proclaims, "Done!" Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez leans over and whispers to him, "Well bargained, friend!"
The characters have heard that a large caravan loaded down with all manner of goods is expected to arrive soon. They decide to depart after the caravan arrives, expecting that supplies will be cheaper once there are lots of them on the market. Baranov explains to the others that he wants to go on the expedition because no matter what it sounds like he'll be able to kill some Martians or get rich, or both.
There is some speculation among the characters that there might be a link between Black Kurrack and Lemdok Tauba-Gek-Ashkadek. Sanchez comments, "If we can find some evidence of this, then we could hold the Lemdok's nads over a fire!" Baranov offers, "I took Cooking! Who likes to eat sand?" Smith replies, "I do! And then I crap glass!" Baranov tells him, "I can think of places that would pay to see that."
Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez comments that it is possible that the Methodists hiding down at Gagné Dry Goods might know something about either the Lemdok or Black Kurrack. The characters decide to stop by and talk to them on Tuesday evening, during their prayer meeting. Quent comments to the other characters that France is nominally a Catholic nation, and that in theory being a Methodist is illegal. Obviously, the amount of enforcement on this point leaves something to be desired, but they might find that the locals might be a touch uneasy about strangers.
They arrive at the dry goods store to find four people present, including two English Methodist missionaries who speak rather bad French. Dr. Lucas Upham leads the group, aided by Peter Bagston. The characters spend most of the time speaking to Bagston, who seems a very earnest young man. They decline to actually participate in the prayer service. Instead, they sit out in the front of the shop and play cards until it is over. Sanchez senses that this sort of behavior is doing nothing to reassure the rather straight-laced Methodists, who look like they would be more shocked only by the thought that their visitors might be gambling with dice. Baranov notices that Smith is having a hard time getting used to the rules of the game, and "helps" him out. Sanchez reflects that it is perhaps fortunate that Smith doesn't have more money to lose.
Dr. Upham turns out to be an educated but cheerless fellow who takes his mission of converting the heathen (by which he means not only natives, but also Catholics and the likes of the characters) very seriously. The characters talk to him about religion for a while, until he gets around to inquiring whether they might be interested in making a donation to his ministry. Sanchez (thinking about Christophe Joseph and his family) replies, "We have a wealthy benefactor who might be interested in sponsoring some trouble... err... Protestants." Quietly, to the others, he suggests, "I say we hit up Pépin for the cash. We could persuade him that the money is for okku-nakal!" Baranov grins and replies, "He'd be furious if he ever found out: 'You took my drug money and spent it on missionaries!' Let's do it."
With this éntre, the characters are able to persuade Dr. Upham to talk about the recent deaths of the Methodist missionaries. Dr. Upham's story centers around a school established at the Lagan-Eku Yan-Uku. From the way Dr. Upham talks, the characters get the idea that the missionaries running the school were doing their good-hearted best to brainwash the local Xea-Osk children. Upham says that Black Kurrack and his men shut down the school. The four Methodists who ran it were killed by the savages, but their two native assistants Peg and Lap survived. Baranov whispers to the others, "Those two sound like they might be good people to meet."
Sanchez hires himself a young Xea-Osk fellow named Bat as a porter, for 1 Lv/day plus food and shelter. Baranov buys a daukha-apak for 20 Lv. Sanchez comments, "Hey, a shovel costs only 1.8 Lv. Anyone want one?" Smith offers, "Yes, we need them to beat the daukha-apak!" Then he heads off to talk to some of the traders from the caravan. He returns, proclaiming, "Look, I got a great deal on seven wheels of cheese! I don't eat cheese! Want one!" Baranov tells him, "Yes. I only have one. I'll take two more."
Everyone buys two daukha-apak, one to ride and one carry stuff. The characters are expecting to bring back a lot of nice things. Smith doesn't bother bringing a lizard. The journey to the Lemdok's citadel is expected to take about ten days.
Sanchez asks the others, "Do we want to check out if Black Kurrack really works for the Lemdok?" Baranov comments, "If he is, the Lemdok will send him to kill us. If not, he'll probably try to kill us anyway." Sanchez replies, "I keep on waiting for you to come up with a good scenario." Smith answers, "He's Russian. This is as good as things get for him!"
It takes the characters ten days to reach the Castle Ashkadek. The castle is surrounded by smaller Xea-Osk settlements. The characters spend some time watching Xea-Osk commoners tend carefully irrigated fields, repair elegant buildings, and care for herds of native animals. Sanchez looks at the Martian laborers and tells the others, "You know what they need? Constitutional reforms." Baranov tells him something in Xea-Osk, then explains, "That's the phrase for that in Xea-Osk. Why don't you tell them?"
The characters are able to get an audience with the Lemdok fairly rapidly; they are only required to talk their way past a single functionary, an advisor named Chieya-Kauga, who seems rather flustered by just about everything including the characters.
The Lemdok Tauba Gek-Ashkadek is an icon of Xea-Osk aristocracy. It is clear to the characters that he represents the strength of an otherwise-declining people It is also clear that he is fascinated by ancient Xea-Osk relics: the sweeping walls of his audience chamber are decorated with dozens of items. Baranov is able to tell that the Lemdok does not appear to be much of an expert, however: the arrangement of artifacts upon the walls gives great emphasis to some unexceptional pieces, while some much more notable artifacts are given short shrift.
There are two advisors standing beside the Lemdok's throne. One is the bureaucrat Chieya-Kauga, whom the characters have already dealt with. The other is a European, a man that Sanchez is able to identify as a Franciscan friar. All of the characters are surprised to see him there, as they had been given to understand that the Lemdok was hostile to Europeans, particularly priests.
The conversation with the Lemdok does not go particularly well to start. He very pointedly asks the characters why they wish to despoil an ancient site of his people, and neither Baranov nor Quent is able to give an explanation that convinces him. Finally, Dmitri Baranov comes up with a winning argument. He tells the Lemdok, "Great lord, we understand that you hate the works of the missionaries. We hate them as well! We have killed Methodists! Four of them!" Everyone likes this answer. The Lemdok is impressed, and gives the characters permission to excavate at the Wailing Towers. Sanchez reflects, "Hmm... I think I killed a Presbyterian in a duel once."
As the characters head out of Castle Ashkadek, Sanchez spots two mechanical men working on a façade. He points them out to Smith, who heads over to talk to them. Their bodies are elegant and slender, clearly of Xea-Osk manufacture. One of them introduces himself as Ashdok-4412; his companion is Deshmet-3363. They open their brains to Smith in a gesture of friendship. They are dismayed to find that Smith's skull is solid, and that he cannot open his brain to them. They mourn that the humans have done cruel things to him.
Ashdok asks Smith what he has done in his past lives. Smith is forced to admit that he does not remember. Ashdok explains that he has done many things: he has been a warrior, and a plumber, and an astrogator, and an agricultural laborer, and now he is a mason. Once, he even went to Saturn. Smith exclaims, "I was made to astrogate! And I have recently learned a way to navigate a course to Saturn! Perhaps we could discuss astrogation someday!" Ashdok bows and replies, "I would like that"
Quent grins and singsongs, "Smith has a date! Our little robot is all grown up!" Baranov replies, "Just as long as he doesn't start saying things like 'Smith is my slave name.'"
The characters meet up with Chieya-Kauga, who agrees to arrange 20 laborers for them at a wage of 1.5 Lv per day per man. They agree to meet up with the laborers at a common house on the edge of the settled region.
While the characters are waiting for their laborers to arrive, Sanchez tells the others, "I'm heading back to the Castle for a moment. I want to talk to that French friar. I want to know what the hell he's doing out here, and why nobody has mentioned him." Quent heads in to the Castle with Sanchez to help him find his way. Smith goes along too. Quent talks, but Sanchez tells him what to say.
They find their way to the friar's quarters fairly easily. His name is Pére Francis. He greets them at his door, looks Sanchez over from boot to feathered hat, and comments, "You're Spanish. You'd have to be." Quent replies, "We're so sorry, he's from Barcelona."
Pére Francis tells Quent and Sanchez that he was sent to the Lemdok by the Bishop of Argyre as part of an effort to convert the Xea-Osk of the Trois Tours to Catholicism. The Bishop's plan is very much top-down: Pére Francis explains that the Xea-Osk commoners are used to following orders, and respecting those above them in society. The key to spreading the faith among them is to convince the masters of Xea-Osk. If the Lemdok were to proclaim that his lands are Catholic lands, all of his people would convert in obedience.
Pére Francis has nothing but contempt for the efforts of the Methodists. He states very bluntly that they have no sense of Xea-Osk values and principles, and by trying to convert the common gukin-lugal directly they are demonstrating a lack of respect.
Sanchez, obviously impressed by Pére Francis' serious attitude, asks, "What can we do?" Pére Francis is characteristically blunt in his response. He tells the characters to stay out of the way and to not cause any trouble. In particular, he warns the characters that Black Kurrack is actually an aristocratic holy man who is loyal to the Lemdok Tauba-Gek-Ashkadek. Pére Francis indicates that if Black Kurrack were to be killed or captured by Europeans it could make his own task to convert the Lemdok far more difficult.
Sanchez promises, "We'll arrange to pass a message to you if we happen to vanish the old Kurrack." Pére Francis, apparently satisfied that the characters aren't going to do anything irredeemably stupid, offers to accompany them out to their encampment and give them and their laborers a blessing. The characters agree.
Baranov, after watching blessing, "I'm used to Russian monks and priests. They were so much happier. Our old village priest, he lived in a cave with a bear, and he was always so happy to get out of that cave and see people."
After Pére Francis has returned to the castle, Sanchez tells the others, "By the way, it turns out that Black Kurrack is some kind of holy man who works for the Lemdok. So if it turns out that we grease him, we'd better make sure to vanish all witnesses. Francis wouldn't be displeased if Kurrack died, but it needs to be done quietly. The real problem is the twenty local laborers. It'd be hard digging that mass grave."
The characters go from the Castle Ashkadek to the Lagan-Eku Yan-Uku, where the Methodist school had been located. The place is an example of a small provincial settlement, set in a cluster of local trees near an oasis. The buildings are low to the ground, with thick walls built of the sandy adobe favored by Xea-Osk who do not live near lakes.
The characters notice that there are no locals in evidence. The windows of the buildings are all tightly shuttered.
Sanchez looks around and comments, "Let's show these guys how do to a terror raid." Baranov rather cheerfully concurs, "We burn their harvest of sand!" Looking at the community, the characters are able to pick out both the Methodist school and the headman's home. They notice that the Methodist school is both very distinctive with its straight walls and square windows, and larger than the headman's residence. Quent suggests that that is a sign of disrespect to the headman, and probably didn't do the Methodists is a sign of disrespect.
The characters head to the headman's building and hammer on the door. A hostile-looking Xea-Osk in armor, bearing a bright-bladed agtalek-iba, answers. They ask him about Peg and Lop, claiming that they are hunting Methodists. This appears to be enough to convince him: after a moment inside the building, he returns and motions for the characters to follow him.
The Xea-Osk warrior leads the characters to a very low, windowless building. Smith asks, "Is this a prison? Maybe it is a bakery!" The Xea-Osk opens the door. The characters look inside and conclude that it is a prison: the floor is sunken three feet below ground level. The one room inside is circular, ringed by a half-dozen large stones with flat tops angled towards the center of the chamber. Two weary-looking gukin-lugal, apparently Peg and Lop, are chained on the stones.
The characters let the two captive gukin-lugal tell their story. Peg describes how the trouble started when the Methodist Dr. Tubbs got into an argument with the Headman. The Headman didn't like the way the Methodists were making the local children wear the clothes and speak the words, and would not permit them to wear their native dress nor speak in their native tongue.
The argument became more and more heated until finally Dr. Tubbs struck the Headman with his stick. Then the Blade of the Headman (the fierce-looking Xea-Osk warrior who initially met with the characters) killed Dr. Tubbs. One of the local villagers is cousin to Black Kurrack, and he left the village the day Dr. Tubbs was killed. The next day, he returned with Black Kurrack's men, who killed the other three Methodists and burned the clothes and the school.
Both Peg and Lop hope that Dr. Upham will come and pay their ransom and reopen the school so the children can wear the clothes and learn the word. Dmitri comments to the others, "They're batshit insane! It sounds to me like these guys got everything they deserved."
The characters learn that the Headman has placed a ransom of 5 Lv upon Peg and Lop. This causes some moral troubles, as it is an amount low enough that the characters have trouble justifying to themselves not paying it. They eventually compromise: they get the Blade of the Headman to agree to take good care of Peg and Lop for the next two weeks, then promise to return in that time and pay the ransom. Then they head off to the Wailing Towers.
It takes the characters and their train several more days to reach the Wailing Towers. They direct the natives to make camp near the Tower Alone after some debate over security and its incompatibility with archaeological investigation. The basic problem is that the most secure locations, within the walls of the Emperor Tower, are also prime locations to dig for artifacts.
The situation gets a bit more focused when the characters hear shouting from one flank. They rush out to find their laborers running away from a group of Xea-Shvet tribesmen armed with crossbows, spears and agtalek-iba. A battle ensues, during which Sanchez takes a rather serious spear hit. Undismayed, he reacts the only way a player character can: by eviscerating the native who speared him.
Then the characters start hearing screams from behind them. Dmitri Baranov turns to see that the laborers have run straight into the lair of an underground-dwelling Martian predator, a creature called a tuau-gekgek. Baranov watches as the creature lumps out of the ground and paralyzes a native with its tongue. The other native is already paralyzed. An instant later, the thing pulls the luckless native into its circular maw and crunches the fellow down. Gulp!
Baranov draws out his musket-rifle, takes careful aim, and makes a fantastic shot to save the second native and shoot off the tuau-gekgek's tongue. The creature retreats underground. Baranov walks up to claim the severed tongue. He picks it up with the thought of asking Quent if it's edible, then quickly drops it when he realizes that his hand is starting to go numb.
Returning to the battlefield, Baranov balances out his great success with the tuau-gekgek by misapplying a selenium-infused elixir upon Sanchez's spear wound, inflicting another three points of damage upon the luckless Spaniard. Quent rolls his eyes, then demonstrates how to apply a bandage without further injuring the patient. Sanchez just groans, albeit with great style and panache.
The session ends with the characters victorious over the local Xea-Shvet tribesmen and the tuau-gekgek. Each character gains four experience points