Paul (Smith) points out that the conservative political factions of the United States are responsible for all evils in the world. Ernest (Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez) mentions that things are happening to Dave Chappelle, now that he's gone insane and fled to Africa. Bruce asks, "Who on Earth is Dave Chappelle and why does anyone care if he's gone insane?" Chris (Dmitri Baranov) instructs, "He's the only reason to watch Comedy Central. And he might be going insane just to get out of his contract. I hear that he decided that money wasn't everything. Perhaps he decided that the alcohol and the drugs were important too." Chuck (Percy Winston-Smythe) offers, "I have really low standards for television. I challenge the American television industry to produce something that I'm not willing to watch!"
Tim (Christophe Joseph Pépin) evades this entire miserable discussion by spending quality time with various of his family members.
The characters start the session in Michelvesting, free on parole. The various Dutch settlers they rescued from the mangeurs de boue are still in prison. In a moment of charity, Dmitri Baranov decides that he will provide them with enough money to resettle on earth, as the alternative is to let them rot in a Dutch gaol until the mangeurs kill everyone in the Veelrivierland. In the meanwhile, the characters wait for their appointment with the Magistrate.
Immediate goals for the characters include: purchasing some weeskein hides, finding an opportunity to fetch some cannon from the burned-out highland fortress, and keeping an eye upon the situation in the Oosten Hoogland.
As their appointment with the Magistrate is two weeks away, the characters have one opportunity to exchange letters with their companions aboard the Musaraigne d'Egrappage. Carlos Juan Victor Sanchez asks for forged papers implicating the local bureaucrat with pushing infertile land on settlers in the Oosten Hoogland; he presumes that this will cause the man career difficulties. Dmitri Baranov requests that the crew make preparations and lay in supplies for the various Dutch colonists that they're going to be bringing along. He also sends word that the Musaraigne is going to join the convoy to Mars. Finally, he suggests that the Musaraigne should relocate to Neue Paris.
The response from the Musaraigne consists of several letters, some forged papers and a coffin-sized box containing Smith. He pops up out of it very cheerfully, telling the characters, "Hello! Catherine ordered me to get in this box and go to you!"
The fateful day of the characters' so-called trial finally arrives.
In honor of the occasion, Baranov washes. In court. With a bucket.
The interview is in the Stadtamt in Michelvesting. Sanchez tells the others, "I don't know if we want the robot in here. If he convicts us of something he may feel obligated to uphold the conviction." The others feel that it is worth the risk. After all, they feel that they might need quick access to a semi-infinite supply of indestructible mechanical violence.
The two principals in the case are the bureaucrat Herbert Bleecker, who was originally responsible for detaining the characters, and the Magistrate Fernand Barculo, who is hearing the evidence. The characters have their own lawyer on the side and spend most of the time listening to the various Dutch officials arguing with each other. By the end of the proceedings the characters have been convicted of trespassing, fined 50 guilders and impelled to sign a statement promising to never speak of what they saw in the Oosten Hoogland. Percy Winston-Smythe is disappointed. He asks, "So we can't say that it's all due to mismanagement on Bleecker's part?" The Magistrate indicates that this is so. Winston-Smythe pouts.
The characters' lawyer points out that the characters represent as much business as he's had in the whole rest of the year. He thanks them very much for the opportunity and indicates that he shall be at their service should they again be in need of quality legal advice in the Veelrivierland.
Baranov tells the lawyer, "When the fear-monkeys get near, just leave. Actually, go on vacation now and check back every week or two to see if the place is still here. You might want to bring along your wife, children and valued servants as well. And whatever you do, don't go to the highlands."
The characters buy weeskein hides in Michelvesting, while Sanchez plants incriminating documents sufficient to end Herbert Bleecker's career.
The characters swiftly determine that the cost and availability of weeskein hide depends very much upon the marketplace, as shown in the table below:
| Grade | Town | Outpost | Trapper |
|---|---|---|---|
| Poor | 2G | 1G | 1/2G |
| Good | 4G | 2G | 1/2G (roll 10+ or “poor”) |
| Prime | 10G | 4G | 1G |
| Inventory | Up to 1000 | Up to 100 | 3d per trapper |
Each hide masses 2 kg. Normal prices on Earth range from five to twenty times Venus prices, plus an additional tax of 20G per hide (regardless of quality). The available inventory is per month of inquiry and per location, so it would be possible to purchase more than 100 hides from outposts in a single month if the buyer were able to travel to many outposts.
The characters' plan is to travel around with Joseph the Drowned to various outposts, buying prime hides. They are able to trade at one outpost per day for 30 days, buying a total of 3000 hides at a cost of 12,000 guilders (livre). The shares in this venture are:
| Character | Investment |
|---|---|
| Sanchez | 8000G |
| Baranov | 2000G |
| Winston-Smythe | 1000G |
| Smith | 1000G |
Winston-Smythe's stake is funded upon a loan from Baranov ("I owe you one, Russian!"). Winston-Smythe is quite happy to having managed to get invested into one of the characters' business deals.
The total cargo of weeskein is only 6 tons, which is nothing compared to the total cargo capacity of the Musaraigne d'Egrappage. The characters make an effort to store it in a central, safe location in the hold.
The characters also take a side trip to pick up the cannon they left on the bank of the river near the destroyed fortress of Fanjan. Winston-Smythe pilots the boat, with Sanchez helping.
The trip goes normally, with a very minimum of excitement. The characters are able to see that the jungle has reclaimed the plantation buildings on the devastated side of the river, but the ruins of Fanjan are still visible. The plantations on the other bank are abandoned now, but still intact. The characters take the cannon and run. They don't see any mangeurs de boue, and they're quite glad for it.
In the last few days before the Musaraigne d'Egrappage departs for Mars, the characters make their final preparations. Winston-Smythe spends 10 Lv to buy spices so the cooking is palatable. He's had enough of cooking inspired by Catherine Iphegenia's taste for English food.
Also, Catherine Iphegenia Pépin arranges to have her latest penny-dreadful novel published by a small press in Neue Paris. The theme is fear-monkeys run wild in the Dutch highlands. Recognizing that the market for literature of any sort is limited in French Venus, she arranges to have several hundred copies of the book packed aboard the Musaraigne d'Egrappage for transport to the literature-starved masses of Mars.
The Musaraigne d'Egrappage meets with the rest of the Mars Convoy in Venus orbit. The entire convoy is quite substantial, consisting of twenty Dutch vessels and fifteen French vessels. Schip Meester Roeland Groat is in charge on the Dutch side; the rather overweight Captain Florentin Ninon is the lead French captain. Schip Meester Groat's ship the Moon's Mistress is designated as the lead ship and the assembly point. Groat has a huge phlogiston flare burning to ensure that the other captains can spot her.
The two lead captains waste no time in organizing the ships into ranks and columns. In the process, Winston-Smythe accidentally cuts off a smaller Dutch ship on the way to high orbit but makes it to the assembly zone without other incident. Two days after the Musaraigne arrives, the convoy is under way.
The Musaraigne's assigned position is in the middle of the convoy. The characters notice that the French ships tend to be larger and slower and up front. The smaller Dutch ships are typically faster and hold positions at the back of the formation. Within the convoy order ships are organized into wings, with each ship responsible following a leader ship and tracking a follower.
Schip Meester Groat also provides a written list of phlogiston flare signals so the ships of the convoy can communicate simple messages. Most of the codes are fairly standard, with only a few unusual ones relating to convoy handling. Sanchez looks over the list of codes and asks, "Which one is 'Beware Gas-Whales'? I fire that one!" Baranov quickly has the order countermanded.
Catherine plays the harpsichord for everyone's entertainment. Winston-Smythe sets up a whist tournament and takes everyone's money. Smith sees that the ssaug are having skin problems, so he sets up a steam-room in the cargo hold.
Sanchez observes Smith's activities and asks, "How long before they start laying eggs in people's desk drawers?"
Baranov replies, "You never know when breakfast will show up."
A week into the journey Smith sees something out of the ordinary. A ship in the rear of the order falls out of formation. He is able to see ship's boats from other vessels traveling across to it. The troubled ship sends out a flare message claiming that they've lost a mast and have a man adrift. He sees evidence that this is a valid concern: there is debris trailing behind the ship.
Soon enough the signal comes from the Moon's Mistress to back off sail. Smith alerts the others. They speculate upon the odds that the troubled ship is a Judas Goat, trying to slow the convoy so it will fall into an ambush. Smith asks, "What's the use of one less human?"
Sanchez goes to the telescope mount to look for pirates. He sees nothing.
After six hours, the convoy starts up again. Smith reports that the new course looks good. Sanchez howls out, "Sherry! Dumb lizard! Sherry!"
Three hours later, Sanchez' drunken voice comes over the speaking tube, "Hey! There's a ship's boat coming our way!"
The characters swiftly deduce that it is coming from Florentin Ninon's ship, and that he was one of the captains who helped with the earlier mast problem.
Baranov decides, "I go put on my armor and get my killing axe."
Smith rather innocently asks, "What's the other axe for?"
"Maiming."
The characters greet their visitors with blades and guns drawn. Except for Winston-Smythe, who just carries his guns, and Smith, who can't help but be a kill-bot. Sanchez continues to drink in the crow's nest.
Captain Ninon is a massive corpulent block of a man in a purple coat, boarding axe on his back and saber at his side. He boards the Musaraigne d'Egrappage with three of his crew at his back.
He looks over the assembled characters and sets into his story. The ship that lost its mast was the Fair Margaret. One of the ships that rendered aid was the Yellow Lily. Now there is trouble aboard the Yellow Lily: she is having trouble keeping station, and has not responded to requests to come back into formation. Captain Ninon sent a ship's boat over to see what might be the matter, but the boat has yet to return. Fair Margaret is also having trouble keeping station, but that's more understandable. Four other vessels rendered aid to Fair Margaret, but all of them are sailing normally and provide good response to interrogation.
Captain Ninon has heard something of the characters' exploits, and he thinks that this situation calls for their particular skills. He wants them to go over to the Yellow Lily in a boat and investigate.
The characters don't even bother formally accepting Captain Ninon's request. They just drop immediately into tactical planning. Sanchez proposes, "So, what say we hot-drop a robot onto the deck? You up for it, Smith?"
Smith replies, "Sure. I wish I had some kind of jet-pack for this sort of thing."
Winston-Smythe knows that all the standard flare signals are four lights long. He works up a five-flare signal for "get the hell out" and tells the crewmen tapped to pilot the Musaraigne's ship's boat over to watch for it. The characters' basic plan is to approach without lights, latch onto the Yellow Lily's rigging, and clamber on board from there.
It takes Sanchez a couple of tries to get a grapple to hold securely in the Yellow Lily's rigging. Once he manages it, the crew brings the boat in close enough to let the characters debark safely.
Smith and Baranov notice that one of the deck hatches is open, with smoke coming out of it. A dead crewman is dangling across the deck from the hatch by a line. Smith doesn't bother looking at the dead body, uninterested in cause of death. Instead, he opens the other deck hatch. By force.
Smith jumps in, surprising a sailor. The man screams, "Aaah! Kill bot!"
Sanchez whispers, "There's another one..."
The characters pour through the hatch and make threatening expressions at the single crewman they find. He stammers out, "Small fire, everything under control. Captain Peterson is in charge! We are okay!"
Baranov orders, "Take us to captain!"
The crewman leads the characters to the rear navigational room and introduces the man there as Captain Peterson. The so-called Captain explains, "We had a bit of a galley fire. One of our crew was killed by a falling cauldron. But everything is under control now."
Sanchez is incredulous, "So you're smokin' him out there for future consumption?"
Captain Peterson tries to explain, "Oh no, he was killed by a cauldron!"
Sanchez is skeptical. And he notices that the "captain" doesn't seem to be telling the truth, has large callouses on his hands, speaks like a commoner, and looks like he was recently shaved with a buck knife.
Sanchez assures Captain Peterson, "It's good to know that there's nothing wrong. Captain Ninon was just worried. I wonder if we could help you adjust your course." He gets the guy to look into the rear telescope to sight on Venus. Then he hits him in the head with his main-gauche.
Peterson yells, "Ow!" but doesn't drop.
Smith comments, "That is not legal!" and blocks the Spaniard from attacking again.
Someone nearer the bow of the ship yells out, "They figured it out, boys!" WHAM! Winston-Smythe gets ripped into by a scatter gun.
Baranov howls, "Pirates! I get to kill pirates!" He rushes to attack the nearest pirate.
Sanchez yells, "He's an impostor, kill-bot!" Smith believes him. Sanchez notices that the fake Captain Peterson is totally unarmed. He draws a rapier on him and demands surrender. Peterson obliges instantly.
Winston-Smythe takes two shots at a pirate. The pirate goes down, but his surviving comrades swarm all over the Englishman. Winston-Smythe notices that one of them is wearing a shirt with "HMS Varangian" sewn into the collar.
Sanchez takes to the hull, intercepting a pirate on his way to the ship's boat and stabbing him through the lungs. The pirate's lifeless body drifts into the void.
Baranov finds himself hard-pressed by three elite pirates. Winston-Smythe yells, "I'll save you, Baranov!" He stabs one of them, then watches as Smith cuts the second one open and Baranov ends the third.
Winston-Smythe takes a near-crippling hit to his arm. Then Baranov steps in and cuts the pirate down. Winston-Smythe very politely nods his thanks. Baranov reflects that the Englishman's normal unhealthy pallor makes it difficult to tell when the fellow is on the verge of dropping from blood loss.
Sanchez launches himself across the deck to intercept three crew heading for the Musaraigne's ship's boat. He challenges them, "More of Walsingham's dogs! Bring it!" He stabs one in the vitals, but the guy stays up. He compliments his foe, "I see you have larger than average cojones!"
An elite crewman with a missing ear closes on Sanchez and cuts for his leg. Sanchez parries. Meanwhile, another crewman goes for the ship's boat, severing one of the lines attaching it to the Yellow Lily. And then another. And another. Sanchez shoots him as he cuts the next-to-last line. The pirate gasps, "Must... sever... line."
Sanchez yells, "All your comrades are dead! Surrender!"
"I give up!"
Sanchez screams at the crew in the ship's boat until they emerge and repair the damage.
Winston-Smythe storms the Yellow Lily's wheel-house to find that the wheel is lashed. He announces, "I all-out attack the rope!"
Baranov is baffled, "What rope?"
Winston-Smythe tries to explain, "The one on the wheel!"
Baranov objects, "It's the only thing keeping us on course, wiener-head! And you might fall unconscious at any minute!"
"Yes? Your point is?" Winston-Smythe ignores the Russian to sever the line.
Smith heads down to the lower deck. Two pirates charge him with pikes. He tells them, "Your puny weapons cannot hurt me!" And he is right. Smith cuts one down. He observes, "Something is wrong with this human: he has so little blood in him!"
The survivor screams, "It's the kill-bot!" and runs. He heads towards the stern. Smith sees that someone is aiming a musket at him. Smith takes a musket ball. He dodges, then aims carefully and shoots a pirate through the bulkhead. Then he rushes. The surviving pirate stabs him with a pike, then gets cut in half.
He looks around and sees two dozen tied-up Dutch crew. He asks, "Are you the rightful crew?"
The captive Dutchmen call out, "Yes!" He believes them and unties them.
Winston-Smythe changes course to bring Yellow Lily up near the Musaraigne. Baranov notices that Winston-Smythe is nearly unconscious and gives him first aid. He also marks the wheel so he knows the course.
While the other characters arrange for the return of the Yellow Lily to its rightful crew, Sanchez interrogates his prisoner:
Sanchez ties him up next to the other prisoner. He talks to some of the actual crew and learns some other details:
The characters check and determine that the Fair Margaret has already fled for the ends of the universe. The characters let them go.
Winston-Smythe assigns the guys in the ship's boat to cleaning the bilge for the rest of the journey. And he cuts their rum ration. And he puts them on continuous watch, four hours on and four hours off.
The session ends with the arrival of the convoy at Mars orbit. The characters collect a reward of 2000 Lv from the Yellow Lily's owner's agent on Mars for their heroic rescue; they divide the money four ways.
Each character gains three experience points.