Chuck explains how he enjoys giving management that "deer-in-the-headlights" look at least once a week. Mike (Jack Smith) asks, "Only once a week?" Bruce (Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs), Tim (Serpentine), Chris (Michael Sangaree) and Paul (Kumar Singh) reflect upon how great it is to be culturally insensitive.
Paul provides several interesting snack foods, including chocolate digestives, Asian peanuts and sugarplums. Tim speaks for the group when he says, "Paul, I think you got two out of three here."
The session opens with the characters on board the Flying Dutchman, headed towards the California coast with all speed. They are accompanied by Professor Sir Reginald Davies-Forsythe (a deranged and heretofore missing English explorer), a collection of Chinese laborers the characters decided not to drop off in Imperial Japan, and a single captured Blue Dragon submarine crewman. The characters are hunting for the villainous Dr. Li Fu, secret mastermind of the Blue Dragon Tong. He took some of the Gems of Urighu from Maku Island and built them into the heart of his terrible Earthquake Projector. The characters fear that he means to use the device to sink California, creating a tidal wave terrible enough to scour the Japanese islands clean and avenge the conquest of Manchuko.
However, the characters are hardly helpless in their quest! They had been expecting to deal with submarines and are equipped with Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs' latest scientific marvel, the Directional Acoustic Mapping Predictor (or DAMP for short). They also have eight crude depth charges ready for use once they manage to find Dr. Li Fu's submarine.
Michael Sangaree announces to the other characters, "Right now, we're in the middle of the Atlantic." Pulfrey-Downs looks up from the DAMP controls to sing out, "Oh, Mister Navigator! I have a problem! I think we're in the wrong ocean!" Michael Sangaree snarls back, "Well, I did see this rather large landmass go by, but I didn't think it could be anything important." A moment of frantic positional verification follows, confirming that the Dutchman is actually where it should be, off the California coast.
Michael Sangaree brings the Flying Dutchman down low over the ocean (30 meters altitude) so Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs can lower the DAMP pod down into the water to take some readings. He is quickly able to get a ping, with direction. A second reading gives him a range of 700 meters. He reports that the submarine is perhaps 10-15 meters long, and is moving at 10-12 knots. He becomes very enthusiastic, calling out, "Let's depth-charge it!" Michael Sangaree speaks for several of the others when he cautions, "I don't think that's the sub. The sub is a lot longer than that." Pulfrey-Downs refuses to listen: "Let's depth-charge it anyway!" Kumar Singh groans, "Why, to test the depth charges?" He doesn't bother to listen for a response.
Dropping a depth charge requires two rolls: Per+Engineering to set the proper depth and then Str+Might to cast it out to the correct location. Depth charge damage is 8 [6], provided the charge detonates close enough to the target to have an effect.
The characters think about this, whereupon Michael Sangaree announces, "I believe we have the strongest man to ever leave the French Foreign Legion on board! Smith! To the depth charge racks!" Pulfrey-Downs sets a fuse, then watches with amazement as Jack Smith simply lifts the thing and casts it out the side of the Dutchman.
The charge is set true and cast right. It splashes into the water then detonates with a tremendous kaboom! Only Pulfrey-Downs is surprised to see a dead whale float to the surface.
While everyone else had been fooling with high explosives, Serpentine and his German laborer Detlef were preparing to extract whale bits out of the ocean. They manage to pull up some nice hefty whale steaks among the shattered debris. Serpentine gaffs a particularly slick-looking bit and asks the others, "Anyone want a whale-skin coat?" Pulfrey-Downs chirps out, "Certainly!" Schlork! He staggers back under the impact of forty kilograms of whale blubber, skin and innards, then comments, "Oh! And you left all the viscera on it!" Serpentine rather modestly suggests, "It will repel sharks! And women!"
With all the dead whale-related tomfoolery done with, the characters turn to the serious business of locating the submarine. Pulfrey-Downs mans the DAMP set while Sangaree navigates. They make a series of Engineering and Navigation rolls with moderately positive results. Sangaree predicts that in two more rolls they will overtake the sub, then does a fine job of making good on his promise.
Pulfrey-Downs reports that the characters should be right on top of the submarine. Jack Smith drops a depth charge. And then another one (Pulfrey-Downs reports that the sub is descending). And then a third (Pulfrey-Downs corrects himself: they are actually surfacing). And a fourth, because he's figured out that Pulfrey-Downs has no idea if the sub is going up or down.
Noting the way things are going, Michael Sangaree points out, "you guys who aren't involved in using DAMP or throwing depth charges should be out looking for signs of the thing on the surface." Kumar Singh and Serpentine man the binoculars.
Pulfrey-Downs predicts that the sub will surface momentarily. Smith tosses a fifth charge set to detonate practically at the surface just to encourage them, while Michael Sangaree brings the Flying Dutchman down lower to allow Kumar Singh and Serpentine to get down to the surface on ropes quickly and safely.
The sub surfaces, surrounded by a thick oil slick. The call rises up, "Gobey! Serpentine! Out the side! Down the ropes!" Jack Smith turns to Pulfrey-Downs and asks, "Should I toss another depth charge?" He is a bit disconcerted to hear the response, "Absolutely! Has Gobey already gone down? Oh, never mind: just toss the charge." He decides that he's rather not murder any of his companions today and refrains from releasing the charge.
Kumar Singh leads the assault, rappelling down directly onto the conning tower with super-fractal kukri in hand. He lands in the thick of a gang of four goons, waiting only an instant before chopping one in half and sending another to sharky death in the cold water.
Jack Smith is the second down. He lands near the bow, readies his elephant gun, and fires one mighty shot. Two more goons sag to the deck.
Pulfrey-Downs and Serpentine arrive about the time the first Blue Dragon monk emerges from the forward hatch. They watch Kumar Singh finish the last two goons at the conning tower and Jack Smith clear the crew away from the deck gun. This performance doesn't seem to staunch the flow of enthusiastically violent goons from the conning tower hatch.
Remembering the way Blue Dragon monks can almost dance around gunfire, Pulfrey-Downs empties a magazine at the "untouchable" Blue Dragon monk at the forward hatch. Working against a total difficulty of 8, he still manages to wing the fellow. He congratulates himself, ignoring the fact that he had to use forty bullets just to get one to hit. The monk staggers away from the hatch dripping blood, sneaking up behind Jack Smith to massage the Frenchman's back with secret Blue Dragon martial arts. Jack Smith only barely notices that anyone is there.
Things start to go badly when a second Blue Dragon monk pops up from the conning tower hatch, avoids several attacks from Kumar Singh, then responds by mashing up the little Sikh's nose.
Serpentine arrives on the deck and immediately concludes that everyone is being far too conservative. He leaps down the forward hatch and comes face to face with a goon. He puts the Claws of Apepi through the guy's face on his way down. He gathers himself together and sweeps away some of the body parts only to realize that he has jumped into the midst of four more goons and a Blue Dragon monk. He closes his eyes and prepares himself for a lesson in caution.
The other characters are instantly convinced that Serpentine needs help in a way that would make his rival the Feathered Boa scream like a girl. Michael Sangaree rushes the conning tower, his Thompson gun blazing away. He lands enough bullets in one goon to push the luckless fellow clean off the submarine and into the gullets of the waiting sharks. The Blue Dragon monk standing right next to the goon barely even notices. Jack Smith leans over the forward hatch and sees Serpentine surrounded by foes. He puts a three-round burst into the Blue Dragon monk, heedless of the possibility of ricochets. The monk easily sidesteps the bullets. Jack Smith curses. Serpentine seriously considers screaming like a girl, fully aware that a misplaced shot from Smith's gun would mess him up far worse than any of the Blue Dragons could.
Terribly impressed by Michael Sangaree's demonstration of firearms derring-do, Pulfrey-Downs kicks another magazine into his submachine gun and once again empties it into the Blue Dragon monk up on the conning tower, sending the fellow off the boat to join his comrade. The sharks dig in with gusto.
Kumar Singh complains, "Hey! Who took my Blue Dragon out?" Michael Sangaree shrugs, "Your boss..." Kumar Singh satisfies himself by going bananas on the remaining two goons, converting them into shark food.
Even another Blue Dragon monk pops up from the conning tower, notices that Kumar Singh is feeling evasive today, and goes after Michael Sangaree instead. Sangaree realizes that he is faced with the famous Blue Dragon Grip of a Hundred Deaths and gets out of the way. Sangaree mocks the Blue Dragon, shouting, "I'm a Texan! I'm invincible! Unless you've got six thousand Mexicans..."
Sangaree follows up this boast with a series of careful bursts of fire at one Blue Dragon monk and one goon. He puts three bullets through the monk's right eye, and three more through the monk's left eye, downing him. He crows, "I love this game!" And then he completely misses the goon. Everyone mocks him.
Kumar Singh steps in to take out the mook Sangaree missed. He takes him in the neck, from behind. Michael Sangaree is practically blinded by the spray of blood. He then notices that the next Blue Dragon monk emerging from the conning tower hatch has exhausted himself avoiding masses of automatic weapons fire. He hits him three times in quick succession, doing enough damage to disrupt the monk's reincarnation cycle and send him back to the afterworld twice.
Below decks, Serpentine takes a hit from the Blue Dragon monk. He feels bones crack. His counterattacks are impeded by his efforts to stuff his innards back into his torso. The goons waltz out of the way. Jack Smith helps out by sending another torrent of bullets down into the compartment, eventually managing to stagger the Blue Dragon monk enough to allow Serpentine to use the Claws of Apepi to pull out the fellow's liver.
Pulfrey-Downs, Michael Sangaree and Kumar Singh leap down through the hatches to help Serpentine clean up the remaining goons. The Professor and the drunk Texan made it down the hatch just fine, but Kumar "Death-on-two-Legs" Singh stumbles and trips on the way down. Michael Sangaree can't get enough of this, bawling out, "Hey, Gobey! Know what my Indian name is? It's Death-on-THREE-Legs! Haw! Haw! Haw!" Pulfrey-Downs grumbles, "I shoot the Texan in the vocal cords with the Webley." Kumar Singh is far too civilized to respond.
It doesn't take much more to clean up the remains of the goons and toss the leftovers to the sharks.
With all the local opposition disposed of, Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs finds himself on the bridge of the submarine. He examines the surviving dials and controls in an effort to determine just what sort of shape the sub is in. Seven successes on a Per+Engineering roll is enough to tell him that the submarine is "Wrecked": only basic systems work and maximum speed is one-tenth of normal. The other characters are amazed that Pulfrey-Downs needed to roll dice to figure that out.
Pulfrey-Downs also figures out that some of the controls don't belong to the sub: they are Earthquake Cannon controls. He indulges in just enough Mad Science to figure out how the Earthquake Cannon works and where the Gems of Urighu are located. He refuses to entertain the seemingly common-sense notion that the gems be abandoned under the sea: they represent a priceless archaeological treasure, one that could be donated to the Royal Geographical Society for their Museum.
Serpentine suggests that there is probably a hyper-lethal martial artist somewhere below decks. He doesn't want to get his ass kicked some more, and suggests that everyone who isn't a Mad Scientist should be keeping watch over the hatchways. He determines there are three hatches to the next level down. Serpentine takes one, Kumar Singh takes the second and Sangaree takes the third. Jack Smith goes up to the deck to try and salvage the deck gun. As soon as he is gone, the three characters playing sentry debate the odds that the hyper-lethal martial artist could find a way to make it up onto the dirigible. They conclude that the fellow will take some time out to kill the Frenchman, which will give the other characters time to respond.
After altogether too many minutes of study, Pulfrey-Downs determines that the Gems of Urighu are on the Earthquake Cannon proper. To get them out, he must first make the projector raise up out of the deck. It takes him only a moment to do this and remove the three gems. Along the way, he is quite surprised to notice that Jack Smith has managed to free the deck gun and moor it to the dirigible.
Down below decks, Serpentine and Kumar Singh hear clanging down on the next deck below. It sounds like someone is shutting many hatches. Serpentine (fore), Kumar Singh (mid) and Sangaree (aft) all head down to investigate. Serpentine leaps down to the lower deck barely in time to see a bulkhead door slam in front him. He finds himself in what looks like evil genius-type quarters. Kumar Singh just sees an empty hall and crew quarters. Sangaree ends up in the engine room. He hears a ticking sound and calls up, "Why do they have clocks in the engine room?" Pulfrey-Downs shouts down: "Get out of there! Get out, I say!"
As Michael Sangaree is clambering up away from the explosives, Serpentine hears a sound like the flushing of a thousand toilets. He grabs the nearest valuable-looking item and runs for it. He is terribly pleased with himself until he realizes that he grabbed nothing more significant than a snow globe with a little pagoda inside.
The characters run for the ropes with all due haste. Just as they get back on board the Flying Dutchman the submarine shakes, shudders and submerges forever. Pulfrey-Downs rushes to the DAMP room to look for signals from the evil mastermind's escape craft. He gets several signals, but they all turn out to be either sharks drawn by the abundance of mook-bait, or echoes from the remains of the large submarine as it progressively explodes and implodes on the way down to the bottom.
Michael Sangaree sets the Flying Dutchman on a course for San Francisco. The characters agree (with some prompting from Pulfrey-Downs) that the Gems of Urighu should be donated to a poorly defended museum. They emphatically do not agree with his idea that they should be displayed in a glass case next to a complete schematic of the Earthquake Cannon. There is a certain amount of debate on exactly which museum should get them, but in the end everyone agrees with Pulfrey-Downs that they should go to the Royal Geographical Society. Along with a detailed monograph which Pulfrey-Downs is ever so happy to write. Michael Sangaree notices that Pulfrey-Downs is includes Earthquake Cannon schematics in the monograph, and suggests that he should introduce enough deliberate errors that anyone trying to build one from his diagrams would simply blow themselves up. Pulfrey-Downs is horrified by this suggestion, explaining that it would be academically dishonest to do such a thing. Sangaree threatens him first with a gun. Then with Serpentine. Then with Serpentine armed with his terrible chain. Pulfrey-Downs is eventually able to (accidentally) convince them that nobody would ever try to build an Earthquake Cannon based upon his design.
The characters turn over Professor Davies-Forsythe over to the British Consulate in San Francisco, then head to the West Coast headquarters of the Paragon Club for a well-deserved rest. They find out that the Feathered Boa and his sidekick French Tickler aren't allowed inside. In protest, the two of them founded their own "special" club.
Margaret Lang has been corresponding with Phelina O'Rourke in New York. She's learned that according to legends, there are supposed to be nine Gems of Urighu. The characters are able to account for only four of them: the three they recovered from Dr. Li Fu and a fourth kept at the Natural History Museum in Berlin. Nobody seems to know where the other five might be...
Pulfrey-Downs sends off the manuscript, confident that it will be enough to get him readmitted to the Royal Geographical Society, no matter what Mycroft Horatio Pulfrey-Downs says. The manuscript comes back a couple of months later, all wrinkled and marked up with lots of grammar corrections in red. A short note is attached to the cover. It reads, "Nice theory, it'll be interesting to try. - Mycroft."
Pulfrey-Downs runs screaming through his estate at the Hamptons. Kumar Singh sighs, "Not again..."
Each character gains four experience points. Chuck lets everyone know that the characters will have some time for study, research and recovery (as needed). Groundskeeper Willy lets everyone know that the trouble with the French is that they're all cheese-eating surrender monkeys.