With a thundering of mighty hooves the warriors descend upon the plains. The terrified villagers run for the illusory safety of their wooden palisades, unknowing in their fear that the steppe nomads are one of the few forces that break John Keegan's dictum that prior to the advent of the steam locomotive and the railroad all axes of military advance must be along either a river system or a coast. The mighty horde is headed by five mighty warlords, known no less for their savagery than for their terrible dentition: Paul (Kumar Singh), Mike (Jack Smith), Chris (Michael Sangaree), Tim (Serpentine), and Bruce (Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs). From his perch high upon the ghastly reaches of the desolate Alps, Chuck gazes down upon the carnage and shouts his fell call to the uncaring heavens.
The session starts with Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs popping Serpentine's trachea back out after the erstwhile crimefighter's very painful encounter with a fanatic mummy. Kumar Singh stands nearby in a pose of confident victory, calmly cleaning pieces of dissected mummy off his super-fractal kukri.
Even Kumar Singh is taken aback when Pulfrey-Downs pulls out a hypodermic needle six inches long and full of Fast-Heal Elixir. Pulfrey-Downs thinks about warning Serpentine that this might sting a bit before he administers the injection, but then realizes that Serpentine is still blissfully unconscious. Unsurprisingly, Serpentine does not seem to care much.
Back at the bar Michael Sangaree looks around, searching for the tomb-robber Abdul Akhbar. He locates the man hiding underneath a table. Along the way, he takes a few random shots at a few surviving goons. He runs out of goons quicker than he runs out of bullets.
With the Egyptian firmly in his grasp he heads out to find the other characters. He is able to find them quickly by following the sounds of screaming.
Pulfrey-Downs explains to Michael Sangaree that he found a fanatic follower of Subekhatan, doubtless pumped to the gills on hashish, beating Serpentine senseless. He bravely stepped in to box with the fellow until Kumar Singh (completely without call) interrupted the fight by chopping the man into thirty fragments. Pulfrey-Downs is terribly aggrieved by the loss of an opportunity to complete the fight in an honorable fashion. Michael Sangaree congratulates Kumar Singh, "Good show, man!"
Realizing that the characters need information to continue with their quest, Kumar Singh rather tenuously asks Serpentine, "Could you... do those things you do... to him, and find out what he knows?" Serpentine looks over at the remains of the mummy and complains, "But he's a pile of dust!" Kumar Singh, his voice betraying his annoyance, clarifies, "I meant the screaming Egyptian Sangaree is hanging on to." Serpentine, still peevish from the effects of the Fast-Heal Elixir, reminds Kumar Singh that he actually has any number of non-violent social skills. For his part, Michael Sangaree complains that he doesn't need anybody's help to threaten people.
Fortified by a very non-Islamic shot from Michael Sangaree's flask, Abdul Akhbar manages to grin and tell the characters, "You Americans, you are so fun and violent!" A brief negotiation ensues on exactly what percentage of the take the Egyptian gets, with Sangaree indicating that all the violence will be undertaken by the characters. It is quite clear that Abdul Akhbar thinks the characters are primarily interested in stealing the gold of the Pharaohs, and he wants a piece of the action. He explains to the characters that they shouldn't entertain thoughts of violence against him because he has the map in his mind. He seems to think that the characters should accept that this is a much more reliable source than the physical map that Subekhatan now possesses.
The characters drive back to the Flying Dutchman. Along the way they discuss the possibility of building some "portable" radios. Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs proposes construction of a crank-operated radio that he estimates will mass no less than 20 kg, and which might be able to communicate with the Dutchman at ranges approaching almost 3 km. He sees little problem with portability, as the characters include the strongest man ever to leave the French Foreign Legion. As an added benefit, he is also available to crank it.
The characters inform Abdul Akhbar of their intention to fly to the valley in the dirigible. Abdul Akhbar is not too happy about this plan, as he only knows the way by landmarks upon the ground. He indicates that the group will have to stop often to get their bearings. To make this process simpler, Pulfrey-Downs constructs a rope-lift able to carry three characters (or two characters and the Egyptian). He does a brilliant job, even if he's forced to say so himself. As it happens, nobody else appears to appreciate the true genius of his design, so he is.
Day one. No problems. Some cannibalism.
Day two. Serpentine has to visit the little boys' room. More cannibalism.
Day three. No problems. More cannibalism.
Day four. No problems. Extensive cannibalism. Sangaree drinking engine coolant.
Day Five. No problems. Running low on crew. Kumar Singh eating Metal Jagged Krusty-O's.
Day Six. More of the same.
Day Seven. The valley has come into sight. There is much rejoicing.
The group reaches a point where Abdul Akhbar indicates that they must continue on the ground. They bring the Dutchman down and continue on with motorcycles. Michael Sangaree, Kumar Singh and Jack Smith drive. Smith complains endlessly about having Abdul Akhbar as a passenger. He complains about the smell. Abdul Akhbar complains about the smell even more. For security, the Flying Dutchman is sent up as high as it can go, with instructions to look for signal flares. The characters bring water, ammo and alcohol. Serpentine asks, "Did you remember ammo?" He brings more, just in case. Even though he usually doesn't use firearms.
Serpentine concentrates upon his Marked Man trace for a moment and reports to the others that Subekhatan and his party is still behind the characters. Serpentine thinks that his nemesis is traveling by camel.
The characters drive through a series of long canyons and ravines. Abdul Akhbar enforces frequent stops to check his location. This continues until the group reaches a grade too steep for motorcycles. The characters continue up the grade on foot.
The path grows steadily steeper until the characters are forced to climb. The characters are eminently equipped to meet this challenge. Most of them make it up the slope and to the ridgeline as if it weren't there.
Abdul Akhbar tells the characters that the path continues along the ridgeline. Pulfrey-Downs comments that their position is rather exposed, and asks if it is possible to walk below the ridgeline. Akhbar indicates that this would require regular Athletics rolls, with the possibility of a shattering fall if a roll were to be failed. Pulfrey-Downs decides that he would prefer to risk being shot to falling.
The next stage of the journey involves crossing two canyons on rickety rope bridges. And then down a rock face (which takes an "Athretics" roll). Abdul Akhbar assures the characters, "Up beyond this valley lies the Forgotten Valley of Forbidden Temples! There is the treasure that you seek!" It turns out that the "forgotten valley" is actually down at the end of a box canyon.
The characters venture into the box canyon. At the end they can see a marvelous ancient temple. The mighty gates are surrounded by high columns, their surfaces eroded by long centuries of wind and storm. Pulfrey-Downs marvels at the antiquity of the place and the architectural genius of the gateway. Kumar Singh simply wants to find something portable that he can sell. Michael Sangaree wants to explore. Abdul Akbar watches the others heading forward into the canyon and calls out, "Stop! There is the legend of the giant death sca... Oh, never mind." He gives up on warning the characters just as the Giant Death Scarab leaps from the sands to strike at Michael Sangaree.
Michael Sangaree makes a quick decision, dodges underneath a pair of mandibles larger than he is, and leaps onto the creature's armored back. Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs is stunned to see an insect so large. In an over-wrought moment of scientific interest, he runs up to study its species and genus. Serpentine is utterly incredulous, calling out after him, "You want to sex the roach? Are you utterly insane?" Kumar Singh just rolls his eyes.
Jack Smith has little interest in either roach-riding or scientific inquiry. He unlimbers his shoulder-cannon and shoots the creature. Nobody is more horrified than he is to see that it has Soak 10. Serpentine leaps down and chops at it. Again, all are horrified to see the mighty Claws of Apepi scrape harmlessly across the scarab's shell. The scarab attacks Serpentine, but doesn't quite manage to chop him in half. The scarab attacks Kumar as well. Kumar is also not quite chopped in half. It starts to dawn upon the characters that Michael Sangaree is safest person in the area. Abdul Akhbar bravely hides behind Chocolate Moose (also known as Jack Smith).
Pulfrey-Downs decides to abandon his scientific interests and unloads 40 rounds of SMG fire and one Inspiration point at the death scarab. He feels that he does quite well, as this tremendous pile of dice results in one actual level of bashing damage to the scarab.
Michael Sangaree notices that nobody is having much luck shooting through the scarab's armor. He takes careful aim at one of the creature's antennae and fires. He is rather disturbed to notice that the antenna is just as armored as the rest of the creature. He is even more troubled to realize that he has managed to drive the creature absolutely bugshit. It slashes wildly Kumar and Serpentine while Smith blazes away at its segmented eyes. Then it steps on Serpentine and cripples him. The doughty crimefighter curls up into a ball and makes whimpering pained noises.
Angered by the sight of his companion laid so dismally low, Kumar Singh takes up a gun and shoots the scarab in the eye. In response, it bashes in his ribs with a mighty leg, maiming him. Kumar Singh is swiftly Inspired, revealing that the injury was really nothing more than a flesh wound. Huzzah for Dramatic Editing!
Pulfrey-Downs reloads as the creature moves towards him. He evades its strike, then shoots it with a single well-placed bullet. The bullet goes "CLANG!" Pulfrey-Downs is confused: "Clang? Whaddaya mean, clang?"
Michael Sangaree observes that things are not going particularly well, so he calls upon his Destructive nature to make Things Fall Apart. Five automatic damage levels proves to be quite enough to send the death scarab back to its maker. Sangaree is quite pleased. He is less pleased to find that its death throes involve flipping over onto its back. Sangaree jumps free just in time, narrowly avoiding being the first human in history to be crushed by a bug.
It is only after the dust clears that the characters realize that Abdul Akhbar actually shot at the bug four time, missing every time.
Pulfrey-Downs calls out, "Someone hand me my dissecting cleaver. I'll need my mining helmet too." Even with Fast-Heal Elixir it will take two hours for Serpentine and Kumar Singh to recover from their injuries, so Pulfrey-Downs sets to spend the time learning about the anatomy of the Giant Death Scarab. Kumar Singh, Michael Sangaree and Abdul Akhbar spend the time resting in the shade. Everyone already knows that Serpentine has no idea how to survive desert heat.
While the characters wait, Pulfrey-Downs dissects the Scarab. He wants to be able to write the definitive monologue on macroscale insects. He becomes an expert in the field of giant scarab beetle anatomy (5 successes, 1 Inspiration).
Their injuries sealed over, the characters approach the great entrance to the Pharaonic Tomb. Everyone checks for traps. They find none, but they do see a small scarab beetle sitting upon the threshold. It looks up at them with mournful eyes and chirps, "You killed Mom!"
Jack Smith leads the way into the temple. He and Pulfrey-Downs study the hieroglyphics around the entry. They learn only that this is the temple to the gods before the gods, and that (in a general sort of way) the characters are in the right place. There are also some vague warnings about guardians; they pay no attention to these. It is clear that the temple is very much pre-Dynastic.
Jack Smith continues into the temple, deftly avoiding a pressure plate and coming face-to-face with the Giant Temple Asp. He elects to dodge. This is something of a new experience for him, as he's never faced having to dodge anything before. He very much enjoys beginner's luck in this: he handily evades its strike. Then he shoots it, all the while complaining that his anti-tank rifle doesn't do enough damage. Smith is horrified to realize that it can dodge firearms. He thinks back and realizes that it must have learned this trick from Napoleon's troops.
The other characters are alerted that something is wrong by the tremendous booming report of Smith's gun. Pulfrey-Downs runs up and delivers a single, well-aimed shot. A shot that barely hurts the creature. The others blaze away, but accomplish little more. Then the snake latches on to Jack Smith and gives him a nasty bite. He takes one level of lethal damage. And then another as the poison hits him. Michael Sangaree leans over to casually mention, "You know, that bite would have incapacitated anyone else in the group."
Kumar Singh and Serpentine make short work of the Giant Temple Asp with a flurry of kukri and Claw strikes. Serpentine delivers the fatal blow, then hits its fallen body one more time, just to make sure.
Jack Smith raids Pulfrey-Downs' bag for Fast-Heal Elixir before Pulfrey-Downs can even offer some. "Pain! Pain! Coursing through my body!" he howls out. The characters wait for two hours while he heals up his wound. During this time, he and Michael Sangaree discuss the possibilities of making up some Giant Temple Asp chili. While they chat, Pulfrey-Downs dissects the snake. He learns that you could make chili out of it.
The next chamber initially appears empty of guardians, at least until the characters step inside. Then six angry ghosts manifest, all of them dressed in the armor of ancient Egyptian warriors. The characters are rather upset to find that they are able to drain Willpower points. They manage to snack upon practically everyone: Jack Smith, Michael Sangaree, Serpentine and even Pulfrey-Downs. By the time he makes it through, Pulfrey-Downs has but one Willpower point remaining.
Serpentine is first through the Chamber of Angry Ghosts, running out the door and right into the hands of a mummy. Pulfrey-Downs is next out of the chamber, and the next to learn that there is more than one mummy guardian. Both of them start taking crushing damage. Sangaree and Smith arrive and start giving out some of what the others are suffering. Kumar wanders in last. He savagely chops away at the mummy grappling his boss. The mummy collapses into a pile of dust.
In moments, there is only one mummy left. The creature is rather desperately trying to throttle Serpentine, who is hanging off the ceiling, safely out of its reach. The mummy ignores the other characters, even though it can't actually reach Serpentine. Everyone stands off and shoots it on the count of three. In true American fashion, they shoot ancient culture. Michael Sangaree tries to grab the fallen mummy's thighbone and brandish it. It crumbles to dust in his hands.
About this time, the characters realize that Abdul didn't make it through the Ghost Chamber. He ran off the other direction.
The characters investigate the chamber. There were four mummies, so they reason that there must be at least four sarcophagi in the chamber. As it happens, they find exactly four sarcophagi. They are beautiful, carved in cedar from Palestine and inlaid with lapis, and surrounded by various additional funerary artifacts indicating that the mummies had been important warrior-priests from pre-Dynastic Egypt. The chamber is dominated by an altar containing a full set of alabaster canopic jars. Most important, the bas-relief on the far wall includes a great image of a noble warrior-priest. The eye of the figure is a Gem of Urighu.
Pulfrey-Downs starts gathering up all of the historically-important artifacts. Smith goes for the gold. The much more sensible Kumar Singh simply pries the Gem of Urighu out of the bas-relief.
Now that the characters possess what they came for, they are faced with the question of how to make it back through the Ghost Chamber. They conclude that no matter what the ghosts will get at least one attack on them. For some of them, this is almost surely going to be one attack too many.
Arthur Michael Vincent Pulfrey-Downs announces that he is going to construct a simple ghost trap from the four canopic jars. His initial estimate is that he must duplicate the effects of a level three Psychic Knack. Even with Mad Science, this will take four days of work. Serpentine muses, "Four days. That's a long time without water." Pulfrey-Downs comments, "Oh, I have water, don't worry." Michael Sangaree reminds the Englishman, "If I'm going to die of thirst, then you're going to die of bullets." This is enough to persuade Pulfrey-Downs that he should scale back his ambitions to a mere ghost-attractor. This will take only thirty hours to complete, at a +2 difficulty.
The major problem with this plan is the fact that Pulfrey-Downs has no way to test the device until he actually steps into the Ghost Chamber and turns it on. This will inevitably expose him to at least one ghost attack. He manages to slam the one ghost that comes at him (thanks to a point of Inspiration spent on his Willpower). He hits the switch and yells, "RUN!" Unfortunately, the device only attracts one measly ghost, so everyone still gets attacked. On the positive side, everyone manages to get across the room except for Jack Smith, who gets pounded down to zero Willpower.
The characters are quite upset to find that Smith has run back to the other side of the Ghost Chamber. His response to their suggestions that he try running through the Ghost Chamber again is simple and direct: "NO! I'm not going to go across!" They decide to send Kumar Singh back for him because Kumar still has 5 Willpower left. He asks the others, "What can I do to bring him back?" Sangaree tells him, "You could try stabbing him unconscious!" Kumar decides to tie a rope around Smith and let the others pull him across. It develops that Michael, Pulfrey-Downs and Serpentine are only able to hold Smith stationary. Kumar Singh bull-rushes him from the back, hoping to push him off his balance, to no avail. The second attempt is even worse: Smith starts dragging the other characters back in.
Reaching new levels of desperation, Kumar yells out, "Professor! Do you have any knockout juice!" Pulfrey-Downs responds, "No, but I do have some aircraft superfuel! It's ten times as explosive as gasoline! Catch!"
Jack Smith finally spends Inspiration on a scene edit. He explains that Kumar Sing grabs his rifle and runs back to the rest of the group. Jack is drawn to follow him through the Ghost Chamber and to safety.
The characters depart the tomb like scared children. Pulfrey-Downs, Smith and Serpentine do the humane thing and go fetch Abdul Akhbar back from the wilderness while Michael Sangaree summons up the dirigible.
Safely back in the dirigible, the characters all vote in favor of shooting the holy beans out of Subekhatan's column. Locating him is not that difficult thanks to Serpentine's Marked Man powers. And destroying every vehicle he has is even easier thanks to the 75mm gun, the heavy machine guns and the last depth charge. Apparently Subekhatan didn't think to bring along any armored vehicles, or any weapons able to engage an armored dirigible. The Flying Dutchman leaves wrecked vehicles and corpses in its wake.
The characters end the session aboard the Flying Dutchman, bound for Cairo. Each character gains three experience points. The current score puts four gems in the characters' hands, one with Mycroft Horatio Pulfrey-Downs, and none for the Nazis. Michael Sangaree suggests that the characters should next do their best to steal their other three gems back from the museum, a suggestion that Pulfrey-Downs has no patience for.